Portal-style chitchatter..

Hey there.. been a bit since I last spoke about portal(game) life. Here's something I have wondered a bit about.. How do you go about expressing yourself in a world or realm? especially if the place doesn't give you socials fit for the occasion you are searching for?

In the realm I have been spending the most of my time of late, I have two 'expressions' that cannot quite be governed by socials.
one, when I am happy, or especially pleased to see someone... I will often run around them in a circle. If the person is just as happy to see me, they will often join me and it will become a circle chase around a room.
and
two, If I am displeased with someone.. I will often *thump* the one I am unhappy with, as a sort of expressive warning. (like in the case of jealousy) and Yes, I have been known to occasionally *thump self* as well...usually when I just realized I am being especially dense about something.

I often wonder though, what others use to express themselves, when the world's socials just aren't fitting for the expression? (And no, I'm not speaking of expressions that are best left between two people in a private setting.)

also..

I wonder how people separate the difference between the portal life and that of rl?
To me, the online worlds are much like a sub-world in itself.. one is here, and the other, there. The only 'grey' areas being within the realm of feelings, which are real, no matter what world they happen to be in. Sometimes, this works out and I have a lot of fun,... and sometimes I get entangled in which direction I should 'really' go with what I feel. I try hard to show the difference in realms by the use of the names I was intro'd with.. even if I know their other-world names.

introspection.. (don't expect it to make a whole lot of sense.)
Recently, I have been given to leave a ring behind, and have been invited to pick up another. I'm a little sad to have to leave the ring.. it was no longer fun for the person dropping it.. But his feelings were more expecting then mine were... likely expecting a reaction I didn't give. Part of me, wants to simply be done with rings altogether.. so tired of expectations I can't/won't fulfill. and stymieing my wish to be happy with a partner.. who is happy with me. Even as I rage about how my partners knew how it was from the start.. and yet, each time, there was a step too far and a ring was dropped... causing unhappiness and even agony. (shades of a rl ghost.. an agreement for a simple relation.. that went overboard in a bad way. to the tune of 'Jim' I believe. *shiver*)
The one inviting me to pick up a ring, is a puzzle to me a lot of times. A puzzle in a different form then the one who recently dropped one.
The previous puzzle was mostly a simple why. I couldn't understand why such an opposite would wish to be aligned. I tried to allow for the possibility.. but perhaps it was my fault that it simply wasn't there for me. I am relieved to think that perhaps we can still be friends. (shades of a saying... guys cannot be just friends with girls.. still dunno what to think of that.)

this new invite though.. is a puzzle in the form of seemingly out-of-nowhere bursts. the bursts being not necessarily annoyed... Although It sometimes feels like it. Sometimes its just saying something unexpected.. not knowing just how i should reply... or if I should. I do like this one though. rather in spite of this, or maybe because of this, I'm not sure. ..very interesting to my sense of curiosity though... very tempting. and I would, if I'm not watching it, try to follow behind him like a waggy-tailed puppy on a leash. (and to think he has the tendency to dash off a lot and of a sudden too. lol!)(I am soo not a canine!) I value this a great deal.. I sometimes wonder at the depth... and if it's worth the effort and risk to even consider... especially as I'm fairly certain the expression would not be returned... and even in that, why I might wish it to. Must I have a cut-n-dried cold-faced limit imposed? Isn't that too much to expect though? Is it even possible? ..even to that of myself? hmm..

so I pause. would this just be inviting a change I'd rather not experience again? I'm really tempted.. wanting to be with.. and yet, not caring for the possible burst of negativity that has come several times before,.. in spite of whatever efforts to keep the situation from developing. I really don't wish to lose.. or risk losing this friendship. I know there's a chance.. a possibility that it will prove the magic combo and be fun again for both of us.. but what are the odds vs the result I am so afraid of?

I -will- prevent myself from becoming a 'Jim'. the very thought scares me into instant back-peddle... and shivering hesitation. ugh!

soo many questions!.. and no real confidence to ask them. :(


Listening to: KAT-TUN...and varied jpop/kpop/tpop
Current Show: dramas... as yet.
Feeling: A little confused and sad, but alright.
Internet Tabs: AZNV.TV, Mabinogi
Obsessing Over: Still trying to escape from reality
Current Rant: jealousy? I know it happens. I know
it shows insecurity.. that it can be both bad and good,
really. but... why does it have to happen?

catching up

Hey there.. just thought to catch up a little... so far I'm still in the same spot. its a good thing. I finally managed to get starcraft 2... which I am -really- happy about. Yay!

Also touched bases with a good friend on mabi, who I have missed in all my 'away' time. Maybe knowing there is someone still out there will give me a bit of encouragement to give a little interest in my internet home once again.

Sis is talkin about a long ride out here with my bro in the early months of the new year. kind of foreboding.. I always seem to feel that way when there's talk of visiting family. its a bit like a sick-to-my-stomachache kind of nervousness. Not a very good feeling at all.