moving on down the road...

Hallo. This is just me, posting just cuz i can, so i am. Trying to find bright outlooks to the situation has gotten a little more difficult of late. And what's found has a definite sarcastic flavor to it. This is what's its like having to actually move to a given portal that you simply just do not know if it's there.. Nevermind working.. nevermind accessable.. or free... Or... You just don't know. So you move towards it on nothing but a wing and a prayer.. it's like one of those movies where the guy has just made it through days of desert walking.. On nothing but the hope there's a free refreshment stand over the next hill...so you don't die. Here's for that next hill!! Huzzah!

I don't like living so... Impulsively.

Onward through the latest portal,.. (minecraft is still fun to me). Found another town..between a hill/cliff and a desert/ warm ocean. There were even 2 villagers living in the area. I fenced the area off, fed a few carrots and bread to those two... And let them get to repopulation while i took out my shovel and pickaxe and set about making a little sense of the hill. Dont know quite what to do after this..but at least the remaining villagers arnt gunna fall to thier deaths in the rift under them anymore. Still want to wall off the villages in case of illager attack but... I dunno yet how to do that. I might care to put up a few huts with beds as thier population recovers.

More later, im sure.

Breaking back into daytoday "life happens" ... Messed up morning. Tried to make fun.. with good natured intent, this morning...not to sure it got taken well. A driving friend in the "before dawn" time, swerved a bit... Was telling me about a curb in the road. I laughed disbelievingly as he was leaving, only to be given a food item by a stranger claiming the guy had given it to him. (Which i had gifted him with earlier) Like n like. I am very confused as to the whens n whys. A bit paranoid even. I feel a bit like i have been told to step aside in all of this with him and his mentor. Its been a long haul, thus far, with no real end in sight. I dont feel i should be speaking up ..and inserting foot. I am less and less secure in thinking my thoughts are valuable anyway. Theres no real way i can see, where my words have helped at all. Theres far better advice.. and im a burden..trying to not be, really. I feel really sad inside. He said he feels like a failier... Someone elses words... But he used them. Im sorry if i somehow caused it. Am i being toxic or something? I told myself i wouldnt speak of things that i knew were. Did i stick my foot in it again? Or... Am i just overthinking again? .. Let there be a lesson to self. Stop Griping!! lol

psycobabble

The other evening, i watched a movie the was a bit of a tearjerker. It was about a kid, grown up in an abusive household. His dad was...a rather ... Grouchy old fellow who had been through a gauntlet of hard knocks...and bitterly tried to instill it in on his son. The grew up and did take on some of those "lessons". Naturally, i about balled tearfully in empathy of the boy working his way into adulthood with those negative brainwashing lessons coming back at him. And then really tore open the tear puddle inside when his dad got cancer..tried to make things right..and died. 

Similar stripes in my own life really. Although it wasnt pa who got the cancer. But i think neither the great mugwumpus, nor me, ever quite got over the death of his lady love. I think the wumpus was finally glad he could draw his long life to a close. Im sure he had regrets. I certainly have a few. I hope he got to meet up with his love in heaven. I think in a way, he did try to make up for the past...for what he could activly recall of it anyway. Meanwhile, look at the boxes of stowed away anger and hurt others still carry in grudge from this... Who suffers most from hiding those away? Not the wumpus..not anymore anyway. At least i got to tell him i love him...and forgave him for whatever i might have still have concerning that past time. forgiveness, i have found is -really- difficult to pull off. Especially if its not only a lot to let go of ..but its been around a very long time really. Its like it all.. got comfortable or... petrified itself to the cabnet like some looong forgotten cough lozenge or somehing.

As for missing mom... I do..still...alot...as evidenced by the size of the puddle of tears i keep adding to every year around this time. Think it might be a salty lake by the time i get around to dumping it out. Bet i could toss it into the ocean and it still wouldnt do a thing to its allaround level tho. Lol

It just goes on and on, doesnt it? These last few years have been really really rough for a lot of people. Homelessness sucks..especially with the lack of food on the grocers shelves...and the lack of jobs to be had...and now, no way to aford to move the run-down heaps that get us to the store and work. *Yelling up and the supposed head of government* hey you up there! Knock it off!! No one appreciates what you are doing and have done already, its not a gaff and its not funny!! Your being an idiot!! Get off the platform already!! Bloody seusian turtle thinks hes doing well, in charge of all he surveys..when its just a lot of well mashed insane mud by this time. I'm tired of being trampled upon!!. And for all you blinders who are tellin him he's king..youv had your say.. get off your high horse, shut up, sit down, and let someone else take the reins for awhile, youv already made a mess of things as it stands...and if you think the guy at the podium isnt making any sence..just take a listen to yourself!! Poor people are sposta magicly afford to buy an electric vehicle to get around now? Even many in the middle class cant aford that on a good day. And for some odd reason, you think taking money from the high-ups and our protectors are somehow going to make it safer for everyone and wont affect the lower classes itl just give the gov more money to spend? Seriously?!! What planet are you from?.. cause you aparently arnt from this one. The elites will simply do what they want, to avoid it..as they have always done..and itll trickle its way down to the street level...like it always has done...and guess who ends up paying the price? We do. stop spending and giving away our hard earned assets to people outside our country..at least untill our country stops screaming from the sacrifices its already had to endure!! And thats from the street level, ya morons... With a whole lot of new souls coming in everyday that are having to suffer with us cuz we -all- have to eat!! You still dont get it? Or are you still holding hands over yer ears while screaming yer own problems into the air and blaming everyone in the world but the ones actually responsible for the issue?

Geez peoples! Stop the hate already! Alright?...its not going to solve anything. (Takes a breath) take a chill pill, reorginize thoughts. Howling on the soapbox aside for the moment.. I dont hate ya. I dont hate who you are, where yer from, how long you have been here or if you know how to swim or not. Have a pool tube. Its all fine. We, in the trenches, can be like family.. try to get along with one another in this mess thats been created around us. On the local level, most of us really do get along fine with eachother, pretty much like we always have. When i was a kid, i had not the slightest notion there where people being mean to others on a massive scale. (Deadly mean, even) I neither expected to apologize to those others..nor expected one from them. My 'world was quite a bit smaller than it is today...and yet, i still see no reason why i should be apoligizing to others for what those others did, nor expecting them to apologize to me at a time i had no idea as to what they did...even if it was a horrible thing ...and those people are long gone by this point..and any apology they might give is kind of..well..lost its potency really. Still..people today, could probably learn a lot from the horrible things done in the past.. and avoid repeating them ...if those mistakes havent already been wiped out or changed from the facts of the occurence within time. People have tried to do that, you know. Wiping something from the history books..only to find themselves repeating the same stupid thing again ..over and over and over again...like a really horrible retake of 'groundhog day'. I am not my gpa's gpa (+ a few years...or so) and neither are you. So stop expecting me to apologize for something he might or might not have done a long time ago. And i wont be expecting it from you either. Neither of us was actually there..and from what i have read, it was a pretty lousey thing to do to another person. neither of us has plans for a repeat of that horror regardless. Right? Now,...about those trafficers waltzing through the portal earlier today with thier braceletted caughts in tow..... 

Ok...i feel somewhat better. *steps off the 'soapbox*

The horrible hazards of being hard of hearing...being considered a loud arse in a noisy place because i simply cannot hear you,.. or me either, to be able to tell just how loud or quiet im being. Its a real issue. Seriously.

Nappy yew Hear!!

here it is.. 2020(yet again..as well.. also) are we stuck in a loop? is it a groundhog day like the movie? first we had 2020, then we had 2020(once) and now here it is 2020(too) once again. sure hope we get whatever it is right this time.

This year i got a gift or two, one of which was access to finally get to play the Sims 4. I had been really looking forward to this. all the new options i had head about! now, by this time, i would hope that, if you have been following along here, you might have some idea just how much i lothe games who profess to be offline games yet really are online ones.. some being worse than others. unfortunatly for me, im not able to remain online forever.. i lose connect due to issues with the provider, with repair folks, with a job, or other means of income. I liked how it once was, when I was able to spend some of that forced downtime playing a game i enjoy, untill i could get back online. why are game makers changing that? gone are the days you could buy a game, take it home, plug it in and ready for play! now a-days even if the game is still the same in essence, but you have to be on-line to play it? another play-around with copy protection?
I can apreciate the need to get online for updates and such, it makes sence. but the Sims has taken that 'you need updates' to a whole new level. not only do you need a connection to the net to start the game, but you need to be on steam, and you need to be constantly on the whole time you are playing. its shtupieeed! so now, not only can i not count on the sims for play-anytime but i have half a doz hoops to jump through everytime i do play. (and all this besides the growing price for new content.)makes we wonder if its worth it to even try... the Sims 4 may just be my last actual sight of the game series.
the Sims is not an mmo... it wasnt created as such... I guess it -could- be.. with enough changes... but thus far, it isnt. much like some great games of the recient past. or some in the present who should be... but thats a whole different gripe.

Thus far anyway.. ol Minecraft's offline play is still possible... but they have made it less obvious. I actually had to search under 'new version connections' to find the offline play link. Now that they have 'moved over' to Microsoft.. its startin to look to me, it wont be long before we are going to have to pay per month to be allowed past the launcher screen. Dumb move Mojang. Not only that but all in the name of what was it you said? security? Microsoft? security? bhahaha! you must be kidding me! security for who? certainly not for us... the consumers. you been living under a big rock this whole time if you think Microsoft is secure for us. was this supposed to be another one of those 'for the greater good' things? more like one of those 'to good to be true' things, if you ask me.

and speaking of thought-provoking gripes... Mass Formation Psychosis. Get past all the fribbin hate! I'm just sayin...

nuff'said. XD

*Gingerly steps off the "polo-ticks" soap-(gritty kitty litter)-box*

Within the portals of minecraft, life goes on... I'm lonely.. so its to the online world i go.. where I have to wait... for, as usual, the mods to catch up. -sigh- I wanna see all the new land styles, wanna learn where all the ores have gotten to.. and i have to wait, when do we get to see it already? by the time they all catch up, the ninny warden is gunna be in the dark deep! I hate waiting! and I dont wanna have to run into the big ugly just to catch sight of all the cool new landscapes! the warden isn't even here yet, and already has been banned off my single player. Gunna have enough trouble just getting around the new changes, don't need another mega-mob to run into. the deepdark is scary enough. blehh *taps fingernails on the desk grumbling*

Maybe its the kind of day... thus far this weekend, its been Freezing out! *cuddles in blanket* a weekend cold snap anyone? and we just had a lot of rain too.. I was totally hoping for a little snow to help give a reason for all this cold...but noo....
this is best known in the south, as a weather phych. Mother Nature is just building us up to phych us out. threatening to do something horrible, nasty, and downright mean.. only to laugh at the last second as the sun comes out and dashes away all of the clouds before noon.