i just cant believe hed say that.

The other day..well, evening... I was in the car chatting with someone i trust. There was the subject that came up about a computer i was storing along with others in a room he was paying for..for safe keeping. I voiced a desire for its use in a project i was working on. He didnt think it was a good idea because that put it in proximity of another person, who might just abscond with it. Now its an older computer..and not the grandest thing at that, but i thought it might just give me that boost i felt i needed to get my project moving. So i assured him that i would keep close tabs on it..i had no thoughts to have it taken from me.. i would assert myself should anyone try anything. I am quite capible of holding my own, as he knew... Besides i have good reasoned doubts this other person would grab it physicly out of my hands. But this person, i trust, that i had put the computer into the storage with.. seemed to think i was defying 'his rules', upsurping his control, and threw me an ultimatum... saying he would not allow me to take the computer out of the storage. Thats it. Full stop.

I was surprised and quite dismayed. Does he not trust me to hang onto my own computer? Why would he refuse me the chance to do with my own item as i wanted? If i wanted to, i could give that computer away. I could throw it out... I could replate it in gold! Its my computer! Not his. (As it is, and he knows this full well, this computer was a gift to me from someone else..completely unrelated to this..and i wont just give a gift away from someone i valued, without a great deal of thought first.)The storage area is his, i suppose.. and he is just denying me access to the computer. Why would he do this? Do i now have to guard my computer from him?

I am mystified. Should i just give the thing away now, just so itd stop being an issue? Why cant i just use it like i want?  -sigh- i just figured itd make things easier for my project...i mean, i guess its not all that important... Hed rather i just..not do anything to advance that which i said i'd do? People would get pretty frustrated with me, im positive. I would much rather do what i can to avoid the blame that i know is coming. To avoid the confrontation and even if it was one in which this other person is responsible for (for not getting a computer i can use), i would as well..because im not being paid for the effort of working on the project...but for the results of the project. Its confusing, i know.

I have not truly been enabled in this project. The other person has been putting thier efforts elsewhere and my project is just one of many that are going on... And not too important to the whole, really. So they have not put a whole lot of thought toward it. I would be taking my own initiative by using my own computer, to make the whole project work. ..to at least know it 'can' work...if i had a working computer for it. Atm  i just dont know if itl work with a computer or not. Bare bones, itl work with a phone..but maybe not that great? I have no way to tell without trying. But givin that i dont have a computer in which to try..because i cannot now get my old computer out of storage... And the laptop i do have, is too small to use for this... Im stuck. Wiv or wet wiv.

What a pain. -.-. I -want- to see to the results of this project! To know that i -can- make it work!. To be able to say i did something!

Instead im sitting here, parked butt in a room, for the last...how long has it been now? ... Months. And done not a single thing, this whole time.

(Heavy sigh). Ok... I know this is just venting at this point..rl issues... I am..agreeved, upset, flustered, ....annoyed! Not a good day for me.

Edit: On this day.. friday Aug 12 2022...

I am feeling.... sad atm... And a little bit paranoid and flustered. Dont know quite what to do with me.

what shall i call this one.. more of the same?

Am interresting fix.... Lets say. On the hypothetical... A romance senario. In the past there were these two guys...friends. good friends. One guy had a wife.. they didnt..always get along... But they weathered the times together. The other guy found a gf.. things happened.. lots of upheavel... Then silence reigned... The other guy went into the military... The husband and wife, still together went through some hard times but came out of trouble still together... And celebrating thier 30th year aniversery.

Somewhere in the middle the other guy popped up and showed a lot of displeasure to the wife then all went quiet once more... Then one day, the husband gets a call from the other guy...reminds him of thier friendship back then, and how hed like to get back into thier friendship... and there was a hope that he could stay with the hubby and wife for a time, while trying to get into a collage. He tells him he views the wife as a sister but then when the wife would talk to him as well.. he goes a little bonkers over the phone... He tells the wife that he really does not like her..rather, that he wants nothing to do with her and to never speak to him again. Husband tells her afterward, that the other guy 1. Will not speak with any woman without her other half being right there.... Even though hubby was in the room when the wife and other guy spoke on the phone. And 2. The hubby didnt think the other guy hated her. (She didnt either, imagine her dismay.) The end result, the other guy didnt get to go to the college he wanted to. The wife of hubby was grateful that the other guy didnt stay with them. And the hubby... Is still talking to the other guy. Friends again.

Now, to others who have heard the story, they think the other guy might just be jelous of the wife, being so close to the hubby...especially as the other guy has shown to be no friend of hers.

On the hypothetical tho.... Is the other guy perhaps trying to drive a wedge between the hubby and wife? Is this a dangerous, toxic relationship? Everyone has seen or read about the 'other woman' in a romance... jealousy is a pretty complicated and intense emotion..and is certainly a mainstay in romance stories. This certainly does smack of one of those stories... Only with a twist...of an 'other guy'. Is it a plausable senario though? Or would it only ever end in disaster? Is it even worthy enough to write about as a plot?Somethings are simply doomed from the onset..and not a very interresting subject. This sounds very..doomish to me... The husband is a little too... Laxidazicle... Or the wife a little too accepting/baffled perhaps...to keep thier relationship alive so people like this other guy doesnt just...muscle in and tear thier 30 years together, asunder in short order.

Where is the line with letting old friends into the picture? 

I knew a girl who, the moment she had secured a relationship with a guy, she tore him from all of his friends. She didnt want to be accepted by them. She didnt want them to be a part of her relationship. I dont think one should have to do that. I would think those friends of his were solid enough that they would know a line existed even before the girl came along. But then... Trust isnt something most people possess straight off the go either. Most of this guys friends were not to fond of her...of course they also didnt really know her either. Probibly the feeling was mutual. Still, i wouldnt think id enjoy being in that guys shoes either. having to say.. My gf doesnt want us to be friends any more.. even though we have been solid for quite a number of years,  so.. oh well... bye. Is that how it goes, in most relationships? Cuz ifn it is.. then i royally bombed the test. I'm of the opinion that, while i cant really trust people i dont know, i do trust the person im in relationship with. I trust that person to keep thier friends on a level a bit separate from the level a serious relationship is at. Like the difference between friendship and love. 

Maybe ill talk more on this another time. Ttfn