* If you could be any person in the world, who would you be, and why?
An alien. Because they have a method of getting around that's rather unique to the common world... and there are far away places I can't seem to get to.
* Describe a place you remember from your childhood.
Playing navigator for my dad as we traveled across country. I got the map, he got the wheel, partly because he was the only driver, partly because he wanted to give me something useful to do, and partly because I knew my way around maps pretty well.
* How did you meet your closest friend?
Who said I have a closest friend? ok ok.. hm.. I first met my closest friend when I was invited on a lark to an SCA gathering in Oregon.
* Write a list of 25 (or just 5!) things you want to do in your life.
1. To see a real live whale in the ocean. 2. To travel off the continent and see places like Europe and Japan. 3. To see Alaska. 4. To write/illustrate a book and get published. 5. To find my niche in the world.
* What is something you do well?
I tell stories well.
* What would have happened if you didn't leave the house this morning?
Who said I have left the house today? umm.. probably nothing special.
* If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Japan, Europe, Scotland, Australia, Canada, Alaska.. need I go on?
* What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?
Writing, because it's expressive. Drawing, because it's freeform, Playing online games, because it is something freeform and expressive for others as well.
* What sets you apart from the crowd?
hmm.. is there anything to set me apart from the crowd? well.. I like all sorts of music genres.. I guess that's a little unusual.
* What do you want to be remembered for?
My sense of kindness and love of laughter.. pass it on! :D
* What is the nicest thing you have done for someone? I have done a lot of nice things for people. might need to ask them.
* What is the greatest lesson you've learned so far in your life?
hm.. the greatest lesson.. so far... hmm.. greatest thing to me personally, through the hardship of figuring it out.. I'd say.. God answers prayer, even if the answer is 'No'. all around though, it'd be "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." in other words.. treat people like you would want to be treated.
* If you could invent anything new, what would it be?
A teleportation device.
* If you could have three wishes, what would they be?
1. To invent that teleportation device I just mentioned...unlimited distance.(or at least world-wide.) 2. To be a shape-shifter(controlled). 3. financial (and legal) security.
* How would you spend a found $20 bill? I'd save it for a time, until finding something I just 'had' to get.
* What is the most exciting thing that ever happened to you?
exciting as in how? horrific exciting? suddenly finding myself stranded alone on a quiet country road somewhere in the usa.. at night. surprising exciting? Someone throwing an actual surprise birthday for me, for the first time.. ever.
* What is your favorite day of the week? Saurday! (does that classify as 'week'?.. if not then Friday!!)
* Name some things you are thankful for.
Hot running water. Sight. Sound. warmth/coolness, dry areas/shade, Friends. Family. (not necessarily in that order)
* What was your favorite childhood toy? A stuffed cat I called 'hot stuff'
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
thoughts and musings
I'm rather analytical and introspective person by general nature. Recently I have come to musing about the expressions of love vs crush and a soulmate vs a life mate.
Have you ever developed a crush on someone? It feels a bit like a heart-stopping thrill-a-second coaster that you just can't seem to get off of until the ride is over and the cart has come to a complete dead-stop. ..and my-oh-my do people do some of the stupidest things when crushing! we are talking true to classic noggin-thwapping stuff here. but it usually ends. and often-times, it is a rather abrupt stop too. fights, anger, tears, agony...and sometimes.. it is easily forgotten as well.
but now love, as ever I have seen it.. is a constant thing, with certainty that the object of your attention will be a part of your heart for the rest of your life. That it doesn't matter how many years, or what horrible things have been done or will be done.. you will always love them in a deeper sense then your average infatuation case.
Then there is the differences between what people consider a soulmate and a lifemate... which touches upon the whole subject of old souls and reincarnation or destiny.
A lifemate, to me, is someone you spend your life with. pure and simple, compared to the complexity of a soul mate. You can love, be in love and even crush on a lifemate.
A soulmate, is someone, whose very being and essence draws you together like nothing or no-one else in the scope of the universe can. Sometimes, it can even be against one's will.
These two ..elements? are not always found in the same person.
I saw an episode of a recent tv series, in which this pi was approached by and 'old soul' looking for his wife of a previous incarnation. but, as it turned out, she had married and was happy with her choice. So it would seem, that the old soul and she were soul-mates.. and the girl had taken a lifemate. (which kind of knocked their combined death-for-love-and-rebirth thing rather askew.) Needless to say the old soul was rather resistant to the idea of her having chosen anyone but him.
So then, does this mean, that these two soul-mates will drift further and further apart, never to come together again? or..does it mean, that they will go their way for this lifetime.. and come together in another? and what of the life-mate then? he is married to the girl, and yet knows, (or does he?,) that while he is her spouse and love for this lifetime.. she has a deeper and older connection to another guy. or does the lifemate then become another soulmate? perhaps replacing or adding to the number she has? either way, it seems they knew eachother to be soulmates, destined to be drawn to one another like bonded recognition.
Now, how might this apply to rl? look around you, walk of life, school, church, gathering spots. you ever wonder, will 'she' stay with him, past the event.. or when the heady crush wears off? will 'he' find that 'his' heart will truely always be 'hers' even after years have gone by? how about the two married people there, they love eachother sure, but why is 'she' murmuring that,..perhaps there might be something yet missing from her heart? why, if 'he' is so in love, is 'he' still looking around him, even in knowing 'he' cannot touch, nor would 'he' really want to? is there a difference between soul and life mates? and if there is..
Its easy to see that there can be many lifemates in a single lifetime. divorce being an option in this world has shown us this,.. to some, quite a number of times too! So then, what about this soul mate business? can a single person have a true soul-mate somewhere in the whole of the world? The world is quite a big place really.. in spite of the saying of its being small. There are a lot of people.. a lot of cultures.. and a lot of different time-lines going on. I would imagine how much easier it would be to choose a life mate then it would be to find that one person with whom you are 'drawn' to. Perhaps then, many people never actually find their soul mate.. and instead settle comfortably with the lifemate potentials they can see right around them.
what then, should happen, if, after having gotten comfy in their happy life with someone, the soulmate shows up on the radar?
Have you ever developed a crush on someone? It feels a bit like a heart-stopping thrill-a-second coaster that you just can't seem to get off of until the ride is over and the cart has come to a complete dead-stop. ..and my-oh-my do people do some of the stupidest things when crushing! we are talking true to classic noggin-thwapping stuff here. but it usually ends. and often-times, it is a rather abrupt stop too. fights, anger, tears, agony...and sometimes.. it is easily forgotten as well.
but now love, as ever I have seen it.. is a constant thing, with certainty that the object of your attention will be a part of your heart for the rest of your life. That it doesn't matter how many years, or what horrible things have been done or will be done.. you will always love them in a deeper sense then your average infatuation case.
Then there is the differences between what people consider a soulmate and a lifemate... which touches upon the whole subject of old souls and reincarnation or destiny.
A lifemate, to me, is someone you spend your life with. pure and simple, compared to the complexity of a soul mate. You can love, be in love and even crush on a lifemate.
A soulmate, is someone, whose very being and essence draws you together like nothing or no-one else in the scope of the universe can. Sometimes, it can even be against one's will.
These two ..elements? are not always found in the same person.
I saw an episode of a recent tv series, in which this pi was approached by and 'old soul' looking for his wife of a previous incarnation. but, as it turned out, she had married and was happy with her choice. So it would seem, that the old soul and she were soul-mates.. and the girl had taken a lifemate. (which kind of knocked their combined death-for-love-and-rebirth thing rather askew.) Needless to say the old soul was rather resistant to the idea of her having chosen anyone but him.
So then, does this mean, that these two soul-mates will drift further and further apart, never to come together again? or..does it mean, that they will go their way for this lifetime.. and come together in another? and what of the life-mate then? he is married to the girl, and yet knows, (or does he?,) that while he is her spouse and love for this lifetime.. she has a deeper and older connection to another guy. or does the lifemate then become another soulmate? perhaps replacing or adding to the number she has? either way, it seems they knew eachother to be soulmates, destined to be drawn to one another like bonded recognition.
Now, how might this apply to rl? look around you, walk of life, school, church, gathering spots. you ever wonder, will 'she' stay with him, past the event.. or when the heady crush wears off? will 'he' find that 'his' heart will truely always be 'hers' even after years have gone by? how about the two married people there, they love eachother sure, but why is 'she' murmuring that,..perhaps there might be something yet missing from her heart? why, if 'he' is so in love, is 'he' still looking around him, even in knowing 'he' cannot touch, nor would 'he' really want to? is there a difference between soul and life mates? and if there is..
Its easy to see that there can be many lifemates in a single lifetime. divorce being an option in this world has shown us this,.. to some, quite a number of times too! So then, what about this soul mate business? can a single person have a true soul-mate somewhere in the whole of the world? The world is quite a big place really.. in spite of the saying of its being small. There are a lot of people.. a lot of cultures.. and a lot of different time-lines going on. I would imagine how much easier it would be to choose a life mate then it would be to find that one person with whom you are 'drawn' to. Perhaps then, many people never actually find their soul mate.. and instead settle comfortably with the lifemate potentials they can see right around them.
what then, should happen, if, after having gotten comfy in their happy life with someone, the soulmate shows up on the radar?
Saturday, July 11, 2009
sighs
I'm a bit worried about mr Tf. He claims to be returning more often, and yet the opposite has proven true thus far. He claims that he cares, that he wouldn't leave.. and yet.. it seems that he has. I am.. not quite sure how to take it really. oh, he has his excuses.. I'm sure they are perfectly valid one's too. or perhaps they were. So now in my pining.. I need to carry on... not knowing which way to turn.. feeling lost... and I mean more then just 'in a crowd'. So pardon my randomness for a little while longer... I'm trying to patch up.. trying to find a safe attitude to take. something I can do to seal away the wounds once again.
ok so.. watch those oxhorn's vids. they are pretty funny, I think. and good for a reality break... and if you have ever played wow, they are hilarious!
Listening to:
nothing.
Reading: random blogs.
Current Show: blood ties.
Feeling: ehh.
Internet Tabs: rainy days, fbook.
Obsessing Over: guild politics and affairs of the heart.
Current Rant: my own instability.
Oxhorn's Short shorts. Prof Evil kills All Gold Farmers.
Oxhorn tells off Xfire
Inventing Swear words 5
ok so.. watch those oxhorn's vids. they are pretty funny, I think. and good for a reality break... and if you have ever played wow, they are hilarious!
Listening to:
nothing.
Reading: random blogs.
Current Show: blood ties.
Feeling: ehh.
Internet Tabs: rainy days, fbook.
Obsessing Over: guild politics and affairs of the heart.
Current Rant: my own instability.
Oxhorn's Short shorts. Prof Evil kills All Gold Farmers.
Oxhorn tells off Xfire
Inventing Swear words 5
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
ehh? wow!
Ok, who let that horrible thing out again?! Back! Back! Back into your cage! back I say! *skreee! Crash! shutter.. click* there we go. Enough about my monsters,.. On to better things!
First of all. I really want to thank my friends. Without you, this whole lousey time o the year thing would have been a lot worse then it was. Grateful hardly even touches the depth of my feeling here. thank you. sincerely. :)
Once upon a time, in the land of Iria, there was this kitty. she wasn't very remarkable really, at least she didn't think so. but when it comes to friends, she had some of the very best. Last night, the kitty was facing having to go through a dungeon that was in just about every way superior to her meager skills. So friends gathered to help protect her along the way. Leading the pack in general, was mr Dl and his guild leader. beside him, for the most part, was the punch-packer mr Gw. (don't mess with this guy. seriously.) also gamely zooming along was the uber mr Rs and the windmilling mr Am. Kitty couldn't have been in safer hands. In fact, she didn't do much more then lift her healing wand a few times and race along in the group's wake in efforts to somehow keep up. She honestly couldn't have been more impressed/blown away by the efficiency and speed with which they dispatched the monsters. added to the realization that they did this just for her caused her to gush her thanks afterward. kitty sure is lucky to have such remarkable friends.
personally, I wish she had somehow managed pictures. :)
First of all. I really want to thank my friends. Without you, this whole lousey time o the year thing would have been a lot worse then it was. Grateful hardly even touches the depth of my feeling here. thank you. sincerely. :)
Once upon a time, in the land of Iria, there was this kitty. she wasn't very remarkable really, at least she didn't think so. but when it comes to friends, she had some of the very best. Last night, the kitty was facing having to go through a dungeon that was in just about every way superior to her meager skills. So friends gathered to help protect her along the way. Leading the pack in general, was mr Dl and his guild leader. beside him, for the most part, was the punch-packer mr Gw. (don't mess with this guy. seriously.) also gamely zooming along was the uber mr Rs and the windmilling mr Am. Kitty couldn't have been in safer hands. In fact, she didn't do much more then lift her healing wand a few times and race along in the group's wake in efforts to somehow keep up. She honestly couldn't have been more impressed/blown away by the efficiency and speed with which they dispatched the monsters. added to the realization that they did this just for her caused her to gush her thanks afterward. kitty sure is lucky to have such remarkable friends.
personally, I wish she had somehow managed pictures. :)
Thursday, July 02, 2009
Just ignore it.
This ...ya know, sometimes, i really think life sucks. just when you start to notice a rise in well-feeling.. like maybe -this- year will be a little brighter then the others have been around this time.. like maybe theres a bit of hope after all... and suddenly, with no real warning.. nosedive.. straight off the cliff and into the smog, swirling like some unseen witch's greenish concoction, far below.
Once again the heart has taken the reins.. and -once again- I experience the pain of such horrible tearing sadness and a futile sense of flailing about... getting no-where at all, except back into the mire of depression, which as it seems, I am forever seeking a way out from...but it just keeps sucking me irresistibly back in.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense to those of you that might be reading this. not 100% sure I care at the moment so youl have to forgive me. I guess this too, is a part of who I am. A part of me that I can never seem shake get free of.. no matter how hard or often that I try.
oh sure, sure.. there's a reason why this happens every stinking year around this time. sure. the fact being, I miss my mom a great deal. Its like some kind of morbid death-day or something. always seems to happen right around this time, and the veneer of my happiness portrayed, fails me.. horribly, I am left exposed and crying.
So what is there to do about it? nothing that I have ever found. All I can suggest is.. smile along when I do, don't dig too deeply, forgive my random bouts of tears and growls, and hope to heaven I get over it quickly.
And for those that run up against my raw nerves and pet peeves, you -know- I'm going to howl objections and throw dark looks around the room. How I HATE when that happens! Why does it have to keep happening?!
Its nothing. I'm fine.. or.. I'm sure I will be. I -need- the comforting friendship.. and yet, in my more cool reasoning mind I know that I have no real -need- for much of anything... or anyone. Its like I seek it out though, with a kind of fevered desire, only to rail against it uselessly when I come up against it. What a totally un-reasonable, idiotic pattern!
So once again, here I sit, commiserating myself with no-one or thing to talk to.. to thump my fists uselessly against a wall and bawl like some spoilt little child who has just learned that her whole world has turned itself inside-out to face a sickly shade of puce green and life will never ..ever.. go back to the sweet comfortable way it was. no more time to even wonder if maybe there was any real or true appreciation. It's done.
The snitched candy has hit the floor and shattered into a zillion microscopic shards with no way to -ever- see its original form ...ever again. it's gone. there's no way to do more then watch and wallow now, I guess... so yeah, a reason for sure.. a need, most certainly.. and know that should I snarl, ~"Leave me alone!"~ it's not forever. I'm just being crap poor company is all.
Slam your doors if you think you must, push the button to turn it all off if you have to... knowing that each sharp noise is sending its splinters deep into my being, there to stay... even as I snarl and scream in agony.. MoM! ahh mom.. I sorely miss you! ...even now. ...forgive me for being so pathetic.
Listening to:
nothing.
Reading: nothing.
Current Show: none.
Feeling: guess.
Internet Tabs: not bothering atm.
Obsessing Over: who cares.
Current Rant: my own ineptness.
Once again the heart has taken the reins.. and -once again- I experience the pain of such horrible tearing sadness and a futile sense of flailing about... getting no-where at all, except back into the mire of depression, which as it seems, I am forever seeking a way out from...but it just keeps sucking me irresistibly back in.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense to those of you that might be reading this. not 100% sure I care at the moment so youl have to forgive me. I guess this too, is a part of who I am. A part of me that I can never seem shake get free of.. no matter how hard or often that I try.
oh sure, sure.. there's a reason why this happens every stinking year around this time. sure. the fact being, I miss my mom a great deal. Its like some kind of morbid death-day or something. always seems to happen right around this time, and the veneer of my happiness portrayed, fails me.. horribly, I am left exposed and crying.
So what is there to do about it? nothing that I have ever found. All I can suggest is.. smile along when I do, don't dig too deeply, forgive my random bouts of tears and growls, and hope to heaven I get over it quickly.
And for those that run up against my raw nerves and pet peeves, you -know- I'm going to howl objections and throw dark looks around the room. How I HATE when that happens! Why does it have to keep happening?!
Its nothing. I'm fine.. or.. I'm sure I will be. I -need- the comforting friendship.. and yet, in my more cool reasoning mind I know that I have no real -need- for much of anything... or anyone. Its like I seek it out though, with a kind of fevered desire, only to rail against it uselessly when I come up against it. What a totally un-reasonable, idiotic pattern!
So once again, here I sit, commiserating myself with no-one or thing to talk to.. to thump my fists uselessly against a wall and bawl like some spoilt little child who has just learned that her whole world has turned itself inside-out to face a sickly shade of puce green and life will never ..ever.. go back to the sweet comfortable way it was. no more time to even wonder if maybe there was any real or true appreciation. It's done.
The snitched candy has hit the floor and shattered into a zillion microscopic shards with no way to -ever- see its original form ...ever again. it's gone. there's no way to do more then watch and wallow now, I guess... so yeah, a reason for sure.. a need, most certainly.. and know that should I snarl, ~"Leave me alone!"~ it's not forever. I'm just being crap poor company is all.
Slam your doors if you think you must, push the button to turn it all off if you have to... knowing that each sharp noise is sending its splinters deep into my being, there to stay... even as I snarl and scream in agony.. MoM! ahh mom.. I sorely miss you! ...even now. ...forgive me for being so pathetic.
Listening to:
nothing.
Reading: nothing.
Current Show: none.
Feeling: guess.
Internet Tabs: not bothering atm.
Obsessing Over: who cares.
Current Rant: my own ineptness.
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