moving on down the road...

Hallo. This is just me, posting just cuz i can, so i am. Trying to find bright outlooks to the situation has gotten a little more difficult of late. And what's found has a definite sarcastic flavor to it. This is what's its like having to actually move to a given portal that you simply just do not know if it's there.. Nevermind working.. nevermind accessable.. or free... Or... You just don't know. So you move towards it on nothing but a wing and a prayer.. it's like one of those movies where the guy has just made it through days of desert walking.. On nothing but the hope there's a free refreshment stand over the next hill...so you don't die. Here's for that next hill!! Huzzah!

I don't like living so... Impulsively.

Onward through the latest portal,.. (minecraft is still fun to me). Found another town..between a hill/cliff and a desert/ warm ocean. There were even 2 villagers living in the area. I fenced the area off, fed a few carrots and bread to those two... And let them get to repopulation while i took out my shovel and pickaxe and set about making a little sense of the hill. Dont know quite what to do after this..but at least the remaining villagers arnt gunna fall to thier deaths in the rift under them anymore. Still want to wall off the villages in case of illager attack but... I dunno yet how to do that. I might care to put up a few huts with beds as thier population recovers.

More later, im sure.

Breaking back into daytoday "life happens" ... Messed up morning. Tried to make fun.. with good natured intent, this morning...not to sure it got taken well. A driving friend in the "before dawn" time, swerved a bit... Was telling me about a curb in the road. I laughed disbelievingly as he was leaving, only to be given a food item by a stranger claiming the guy had given it to him. (Which i had gifted him with earlier) Like n like. I am very confused as to the whens n whys. A bit paranoid even. I feel a bit like i have been told to step aside in all of this with him and his mentor. Its been a long haul, thus far, with no real end in sight. I dont feel i should be speaking up ..and inserting foot. I am less and less secure in thinking my thoughts are valuable anyway. Theres no real way i can see, where my words have helped at all. Theres far better advice.. and im a burden..trying to not be, really. I feel really sad inside. He said he feels like a failier... Someone elses words... But he used them. Im sorry if i somehow caused it. Am i being toxic or something? I told myself i wouldnt speak of things that i knew were. Did i stick my foot in it again? Or... Am i just overthinking again? .. Let there be a lesson to self. Stop Griping!! lol

thinking of hard times...

Well .here it is..close to the barrel bottom now. Only leg i have to stand on, being my right, is we are together still..and we have, currently, a way to get out of the rain..or ever-too-hot sunshine, which we have been exposed to quite a bit of late. I really got to see the seedier side of things today ..not to write home about, me thinks. People coping...any way that they can. Im hungry. I need a shower too. Im smelly. There seems no direction to go. Fighting continues. Always, it seems. Still want to blame the clown in charge. Unbelievable. Well. I do hope that the red side wins the country this time. I hope it all gets fixed. Im down too far now to really engage as i might have, beginning of the year. My top dream now is simply this .. a roof, wamth, dryness, and food...and maybe that shower. Thatd be nice. Getting swept up in the homeless pile at/near the borders and downtrodden areas now. Having to be carefull of what we cant get for ourselves.. being a bit sus over what we are given to eat. And where we are choosing to sleep. Saw a man in what we thought might be in a safe place..pretty sure he was sleeping in a nearby space. Made us feel ..uncomfortable. and a fellow called cicel, who went on about a room and a shower, just disapeared. Pretty sure he has been out for longer then he indicated. I only hope the food was alright. Its been cold out at night. I still am. Shivering with a sweater on, in the library.

I sure miss the laze of getting up and sauntering into the ajoining room..flicking on the computer and grabbing a marie calenders out of the freezer for breakfast/lunch. ...good times.

And still...we are lucky to have what little we do.

Sitting here, looking out across the way and the big ol houses on the hill... And wondering,  again, just how they do that. Manage such a nice place..even in times such as this. Im angry, im sad. Depressed, displeased, flustered, frightened,..a little, at having to ever be aware. And at where the future is really going to lead us.