bad news travels in packs

Had an event, middle of the night. People saw flames.. and the electricity took a dive for several days. So its cold, wet and dark.. and im alone. probably a worst fear for me to experience. At my age, youd have thought id already gotten past childish fears like this but...alas.. its an uncertain time.. and no real security. ... ill hang on somehow and will look back at this and maybe roll my eyes. Crap just keeps happening! How frustrating. Merry christmas!

Its the new year and nothing has changed. Its the same old struggle. Ive been trying to stay "checked out" feeling like change is coming, but not for the better. And yet, trying soo hard to not look. As if by not looking, i can deny its existence. I want to talk and yet theres nothing for me to say... and the feeling like theres no one to say it to anyway. Too busy, too sick, too blind.

another day, another space.

Think im finally getting kinda used to it. Its not the best side of life in the no-zone..its not even close to it, but its amazing what one will put up with really, just to continue standing upright. Even as i still kind of empathize with the so sad dude in the tent. What a huge pile of dead lemons... not even worthy of lemonade. And yet.. the portal is still there. I can still make out its promise by its electric purple glow and swirl. Just seems really lonely atm and i dont want to take it. Last moment jitters before the plunge into icy waters, i suppose. So i keep on keeping on..hoping for something a little better. Heres to tomorrows hope!

Today, darks and i descovered,that someone has land-grabbed our village at blue portal. I first questioned chat as to the rules related just how far away from another claim one needs to be. They insisted one block. So i flipped by orange to speak with loopy.. but she was leaving and sent another, Zy, to do the job in her place. Zy suggested we send the interloper a msg and ask them to vacate. Zy said if they refuse well just have to expand in one of the other directions. (Since they are within 100 blocks.. and was on earlier that day.)  We sit at the edge of a plains biome, facing a whole lot of ice spikes. I was diapointed to hear that, about having to expand into the ice again.. (I think i was also having a rather cruddy day) having run head-first into my expectations, i pretty much packed up on blue, rather like i felt like doing on green portal. It wasent the day to be in the portals at all, i suppose. I was at low energy as it was and i was straining to maintain my neutrality. So i left blue then..darks was giving me a "who cares" aditude..which prolly should have been my m.o. as well but, damn it all! I did care! I was pissy!. So i moved over to green to sulk a bit and what to my wondering eyes should apear but a huge ugly wall just beyond my claim. Fog claimed his reason was he had found a trials chamber, and did some mining. I had the thought that i should just delete claim and go find another spot. But..instead, i went to mangrove base and added to the claim there. Darks and i were on different sides about that spot. She left it before i did. And confessed she wasnt going to stay next to the wall...maybe visit once in awhile but not stay. So atm.. im thinking of unattaching claim to both blue and green portals. Sigh.. i dunno.. guess ill just let go of the village the clear most of my sweet house in the snow and let it sit awhile.

Have to give the mangrove another look. Maybe clear it out a bit.. prepare it to be abandoned.

another day of summer heat.

Feeling a tiny bit sorry for myself today..i just spent several days alone and the moment i have to excercize my voice (to talk) with someone in the  room with me, i get the oh gawd, roll-eyed, long suffering look, complete with sigh.. And they headed off again, saying little to me. And im back to being alone again. I guess i dont have anything of any worth to say. Either that or somebody is being a crappy friend.  Maybe both. My eyes hurt as well.. which hasnt improved my mood. Happy day indeed.

continuing drama

      Same sort of situation in a different spot. At least the wrapping looks a little different. Starting all over again still smarts.. and even the new portals are making me think again, if its worth the look-see.

I read a short story the other day. It started out simple and grey and before i realized it, it got all mud-bogged. It wasnt a very good story really.  It was about two best friends and a third, who they both thought was such a good friend at first, who sowed seeds of hate between them. And who ended up blackmailing and defrauding them both while they blamed eachother for the problem and the loss. In the end, with thier very lives at stake, only then, that they realize the truth of it all.

Its was bad at the start and only seemed to get worse and worse as the story went on. You can just imagine the ending before it did.

Adressing a concern.. Dude! You were doing so well!  But the %'s  were a terrible tell. How disapointing you are.. such high hopes too. Now i hear you saying this is the right path, but im not the only one able to tell its not what wed agreed upon. What happened to you? You sound like them now. You give thier talking points the highest numbers when you know thats not what you said when you got the job. You just..changed your mind...viewing that as more important than anything you promised.. without even talking it over first?!! What kind of 'stick to yer guns,' is that? In with a deturmened roar and out with a cluck. You cant even claim now to be doing better than the guy you replaced...because you are sounding as bad as him right now. Maybe worse. Because you arnt even pretending to hold the line.. you folded like a weak cardboard chair. And to think, i was still of the mind to support your struggle with comprimise until i saw your idea of  percentages asked for. Thats pretty low. I can see why peoples are pretty upset with you now.

*Humphs and steps off the soapbox, kicking spilled kittylitter everywhere as she does so*

Also got a call from someone i rather value.. i didnt catch the call and.. they should call back. Altho a part of me doesnt want to hear what its about. The only real reason, i can think of, that this person would reach out to me, like this, is if the news is bad.

 I fell on my butt, financially, about a year or so ago, and am only just now back up to a low crawl. Cant aford to stop everything to go deal with bad news right now. I'll drown!

Aahem... Other news is.... Yeah.. a new spot... New wrapping. Trying to not burn out the portal. Keeping busy has gotten ...dull, tho.

I found an old portal and reconnected with it from a new spot. I have seen a few neigbors that were not there before.. not sure if they are active tho. I have raised a few walls, added a little farm and cleared a few trees. I even added a few tree tops to the hilltops and a couple sheep to make noise so it doesnt seem so lonely. Not sure what else to do really. Just... Keep going, i guess.

Its at times like this, that i hear the sirens most clearly. Should run from sirens, right? Ive ever been the sort of person who detests being where she isnt wanted anyway. Where to go though? I mean really. Its down to the pickle and the dead fish.

You ever get the 'waiting in a holding pattern' .. feeling?  I seem to feel that most of the time these days. Im growing ssoo tired of waiting...

Merry and Chris the Mouse

 Happy happy Tiz the season! ... This year is pretty much a day like any other, to me anyway. Somehow that seems to be the way it goes in recent years.  

well.. maybe it was just getting underway. 

maybe i should hide before thing -really- get going.

christmas was basic but really nice, in a lowkey kind of way.

New years was a dashing disaster zone. sure hope thats not indicative of the whole year to come.

never the less.. Ive the mood (likely in spite of my annoying keyboard) to write. I came across a rp posting-board that reminded me of forgottenworld times...and a small village with some strange and yet comfy? townfolk. so guess i could just start anywhere really. mght need to consider where to put it though... hmm

A question in thought

 Scanning the news earlier, someone had asked. Name something you are tired of. It didnt take much time at all to come up with several answers to that one. jumping to immedant thought was,how tired of this laptop skipping letters, n spite of my best efforts to be clear as to which letters i am pressing... i still have to go back over every other sentence with a corrective eye. so, beyond the usual typos, im sayng a quick frustrated sorry for all the missing ''i"s and spaces.

ahem..'m tired of all the struggle for day to day living going on. especially at the low level i am on. Soo many people are struggling for smple necessities, like a loaf of bread or  a living day to day wage. there are no real jobs for the unsklled that pays enough to even support the day to day. ts not a wonder there are whole cities of homeless.especially those with an actual tent. seriously. and those cities are growng every day, more and more people are filng in, having no other where to go, starving, and destitute. and to think, ts not just where i am, but all over the world. what brought us to this..new low in the burden of existence? I'll bet you can make a pretty good guess. how are we to fix it, I wonder. Its enough to make a person very paranoid me-thinks.

.........

In other thoughts. new game to talk about. Sun Harvest. its a farming game only..a whole lot more. ts often compared to a great game called Stardew Valley.and i can certainly see why. it has, soo many skills/professions.. like exploring, mining, crafting, combat, tailoring,cooking, questing, carpentry, a moving and engaging storyline as well as farming. if you likr farming games,check out the Sun Harvest gameplay on youtube sometime. its well worth the effort to look.

In Comment? no comment -.-

 Had a conversation the other day that got me thinking. It was a conversation about the new leader in chief.. of the 'free' world. I was told the person was an a-whole.. and the worstest in the business. I simply couldn't agree. The reason was not because of the name-calling.The fellow probably IS an a-whole... certainly I don't think he would make a good friend. but... because being a leader n chief has little to do with a personality, and everything to do with his ability to lead.. His polices are what makes the job.and if nothing else, he has proven that his policies work well for everyone he leads. he has put a check on all who have and would take advantage of us. he has shown the world strength and a united solidarity and independence that might have made past leaders pleased of the accomplishments. many others looked up to us.

In comparison, his opposite may just be the nicest sounding guy on the planet, but his policies have proven, hes no-one's hero. His policies have led us into a horrible spot on the world stage.He has drained our resources nearly dry and has given nearly all of our hard earned assets away. and when he couldn't get all of us to agree with him, he encouraged new peoples to come.. friends, enemies, legitimate and not. We didnt know any of them,they overran the border,and when we complained that there were terrorists and cartels, rape, and trafficking, and deadly drugs, he ignored us and further put the screws on, by going all soft on wrongdoers, and letting them out to roam the streets. His policies and spending, started the rise to the economy.. making good jobs that would support peoples living, harder to find by making everything more expensive to get while still keeping stiff competition with all the newcomers. many people have lost much if not all, and have been driven to destitution and desperation by these policies.

and this person sits there and tells me the a-whole is the worst? I'm sorry. i think not.When it comes down the the core of the issue I'd rather an a-whole with good solid policies that work for the benefit of those he leads, than a nice guy with beyond crappy policies that don't work and knowing he couldn't benefit the people he's leading if they were all standing right dab in front of him dressed in rags and pleading. 

Just look at him people!

The bloody emperor has no clothes!!.

why is it, when friends figure out you didnt follow thier own viewpoint about something, they suddenly no longer wish to really talk with you?i mean, other thanthat one thought, you get along fine. and  this one thing only being a talking point and not something earth shattering. I just think friendship is more important than this. am i the only one who thinks so?  change my mind.

Edit 2 .... Ok.. should i learn to no longer open my mouth when im trying to be light in a dark space with a friend?

Think i just got blocked for a well and fun-intentioned ribbing mid conversation.