bad news travels in packs

Had an event, middle of the night. People saw flames.. and the electricity took a dive for several days. So its cold, wet and dark.. and im alone. probably a worst fear for me to experience. At my age, youd have thought id already gotten past childish fears like this but...alas.. its an uncertain time.. and no real security. ... ill hang on somehow and will look back at this and maybe roll my eyes. Crap just keeps happening! How frustrating. Merry christmas!

Its the new year and nothing has changed. Its the same old struggle. Ive been trying to stay "checked out" feeling like change is coming, but not for the better. And yet, trying soo hard to not look. As if by not looking, i can deny its existence. I want to talk and yet theres nothing for me to say... and the feeling like theres no one to say it to anyway. Too busy, too sick, too blind.