A road well traveled

Listening to: ...
Watching: 9 end 2 outs, Grimm, The Mentalist, Haven
Playing: Fairyland on Facebook occasionally and Mabinogi.
Reading: uh... Mabi chat?
mood: frustrated, a little tearful and angry
Latest Rant: see below....


you ever find yourself suddenly screeching to a halt in your walk of life with this horrible feeling that your on the wrong road?

and you can just barely make out a path, you 'know' is your opportunity.. but.. its so far away.. might even have missed it already

thats where I am atm. life sucks.

i get mad at myself.. for not having the will to want to even reach for that path.
because it seems when Running for it in the past.. i ended not a cm closer... just on the same-o different place, same channel
same place different channel.. completely like the original really
so i stop even wanting to look, much less reach for it.

these dreams are well out of reach for me. too far

i feel i am wasting my life...
like im just going in circles

time hasn't said 'bip' this whole last several years. and trying my best.. just landed me in the same situation

i figure.. if i can reach this dream.. I'll make another to reach for. right?
but i cant even reach this one.
kinda makes me feel its all a bit fruitless. meaningless
i grow weary of spinning in circles

if I'm not moving. im stagnating. to stagnate for me, is to die

i have a goal.. i cant make out its detail..
but no idea how to reach it and its too far away to want to try

in the past, when confronted with such a dilemma.. my response was flight...
but really. i cant do that this time.
every time i ran away, it just landed me in the same general situation
feels a bit like a cage with no visible bars
its frustrating

i know.. its all a bit esoteric or something... like smoke or.. fog or something..
guess thats what makes pipe dreams
frustrates me doubly that i cant find any answers.. no matter where or to whom i ask
so ..it's ok if you dont know what to say :)

I understand




there is something about writing.. perhaps.. no confidence though. why?!!