getting lost in thoughts.

Not sure just where to start..or end here. It isnt just forgetting things.. it isnt just forgetting but losing all the links to things.

The grand mugwump .. had a condition which he may have shared with me. And im not real sure i apreciate it. Not that i believe he did so with full cognition, mind you. Not sure he even knew what was happening. Such a gradual thing really. Its little things that slip by. What was that word? Guess ill remember it later...just need to keep it in mind. What was..uh.. getting ..keeping focused.. one thing at a time, now. I remember her, of course i do.. just.. uh.. i know her face.. just cant recall at the moment... simple things.. ohyeah..she was.. wasnt she..? -Sigh- i couldnt recall her name just then, thats all. Or i might..verbaly be talking to someone and suddenly realize, i might be mumbling incoherently or sluring my words, having to pause for a moment, take a breath, and start again. Hoping i remembered the reason i started the topic and its importance. Setting a plate down and being told theres another plate under it... recalling a song i was fond of, and hearing myself singing completely off key! Or being asked if i remember someone...who looked familiar. Im so confused! I looked at a sentence, looked again...and again... couldnt remember the sentence... or misremembered it. The other day, i watched three movies on tv ...went to tell someone and couldnt recall the title of the third one...at all. Getting soo angry because someone didnt recall how much i have a problem with being alone after dark. Why did they not know that? Why was it even theyr problem to recall that in the first place? And at other times, i can recall an unresolved problem i had, like it was yesterday. With such sharp biting detail, even. And yet i get such confusion when its not recalled by who im talking to about it. (It wasnt that long ago! ... was it? ) of not  recalling even a word of what i studied and written down several times over the course of several years. 

And by being unclear and frightened of..where do i go from here?

Use it or lose it does apply here.. doesnt it?

random words..or are they?

Words.....

Spitefulness, stinging, anger, snot, piss, vinegar,  ungratefulness, unhappiness, bitter, blame, self-righteous, indignation, negativity, pessimistic, offence, regret, violence, 

In use...

The ungrateful snot. Never learning from mistakes, own worst critic, Laughing at vs laughing with.Tears of the crocodile. Pointing fingers, burdens to sholder. Whose fault is it. One-sided viewpoint. Not listening. Can't/won't see. 

Possible replacements....

Love, bright, light, simplistic, a new day, a better attitude, positivity, forgiveness, 

Someone, somewhere said... Let it go.

another time around the wheel

The changing of the seasons. From the spin cycle to broilling. And still nothing to show. And, as usual, nowhere to go from here.

 Was watching the blacklist 4th season... he was a good bad guy. She was unforgiving...completely. somethings/people are like that, i suppose. Dont give a chance when it really matters. Different perspectives.

I had to leave the portal i have been hanging out at. Someones being a monopoly barron, and getting away with it. Nothing i can do. Already low. And yet all the minor mugwumps are still complaining over a lack of opp, for them. Heh. Still years done and gone are forever being dredged up as if they were new news. There was no apologizing then and theres nothing now as well. Just more of the same. Like a tiny winged pest pf a skeeto flying up your nose again and again. Theres not even a single portal around any longer... and im soo tired of trying.