A Sad Parting

I spoke with a friend early on in the weekend and was invited to come visit. Life has, for some strange reason, become tense where I currently am and I have found myself missing my home in Dereth greatly. I walked by old stomping grounds last night, just to see what was what, and wouldn't you know it, but the old guild home has closed their webdoors for good. Everyone has gone their own way by now... off to this other world or to that. I really miss hearing from Tars.

I have once again left the RS world behind.. maybe someday yet again, eh? I am considering another change of pace in either the worlds of MS or perhaps DDO. perhaps I will simply redrown myself in the world at large for a time... I don't know... nothing is set as yet. I will consider a visit to see friends first, I suppose.

I feel a bit like I'm foundering in a sea of stillness today. no idea as to why I should be so melancholy. It makes me wonder, just a little, as to what is worth the indulgence anymore, and what isn't.

There was a bit of a verbal tussle with the rather apathetic actions of others last evening. I was so very frustrated at having had to wait so long for something I was eagerly awaiting a conclusion to, only to have it come apart at the seams once again. So..feeling like I just smacked the wall of my expectations for the same tired subject made me a little sharp in response. I became even more so to hear another, who obviously did not want the action to have happened in the first place, and who had voiced the same frustration I did earlier, be to 'oh well' about it a bit later on. This after having made an announcement stating it was done with and the whole would be skipped over. This yet further frustrated me because I had planned a part in the action that was to be skipped over.
This made several things rather clear to me with a jolt of horrible suddenness.. (much like the feeling of realizing the death of a beloved and innocently trusting pet was solely your own responsibility and fault.) Not only could I not count on someone who meant quite a bit to me, to be there in relation to the realm of rp.. but also, Reminded as to how easy it is to see the fault in others and yet how very hard it is to see the fault in yourself.
And so I withdraw in self-defense. Letting the turtle pull in his neck and limbs once more to think about actions, reactions, and dreams.. if any are left, and consider where to go from here.

My apologies if you found this muddled and confusing, but, after all, this blog was to be more for straighting out my own thoughts then actual communication with others, right?