its funny... ok, not really

you struggle and struggle to drag yourself out of the ratrace pit, you try so hard for months.. years even. scratching and clawing, then just when it seems you are at the bitter edge... something gives and you fall... straight back into the same exact dark place you just crawled out of. why does it always happen? is there really such a thing as cursed? am I really? why cannot I not see something different, some actual progress? why must I always fall straight back into the same exact space?

what must I do to avoid falling into the same spot? how do i change the outcome? what am I doing wrong?

I'm getting tired of seeing the same-o everytime. I need a change badly. I have given up sooo much already. I even tire of the sad state of me at times like this. it isn't much wonder I've grown rather bitter and cynacle. its the same thing again, only without my buddy... my poor sweet meow is gone.

and Where's my Silver Platter?!!!

Minecraftin' it

not feeling much joy in living of late... I keep trying.. and well.. maybe all the fizz has left my pop since sir coo died. not much i can really do with and in my current rl position.... just lots of hoping things will straighten out. sure have been quite tired a lot and so cold! burrr!

Been playing a lot of minecraft.. pretty much as its all i can really play. (and now that ive said that.. my laptop is complaining. I also found some rather nice mods to help peaceful gaming stay interesting.


I discovered the concept of modpacks and peaceful setting.so... since I can't trust just what my computer will and will not do, and the packs are often huge, I went looking for the individual mods that suited me.. I wanted mods that would reflect my peaceful play intents. I wanted some interesting changes to the villages because the game is pretty lonely without the villages.. and the vanilla villagers (squidwards) don't seem to help an iota.I also wanted a larger inventory (its the packcat in me) and storage.
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Forge and Optifine are essential if you want a modded game. forge helps with adding mods into the game and optifine adds.. dynamic lighting!..as well as a bit less lag on the system. I tried to get several villager type mods to work (helpful villgers sadly woulnt loadand millenaire isn't even close to being updated for 1.12.2..) (Update: They did though, just before 1.13. That knocked forge for a loop-de-loopand threw the mods metaphoric 'tables' across the pasture through 1.13 and into 1.14)(forge, as i understand. finally updated to 1.13.. just in time for 1.14 update... and thats still before many of the good mods out there managed any sort of update... I guess Mojang is on a roll now!)
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but the only one that seems to function was MCA which at least gave those villagers a nice make-over and added guards to their communities.. which made an attempt to defend the villages at night. Can't really get them to do normal tasks though, without having to pay thm in gold.
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then i added Toroquest which had even better guards. but the lord questor had a whole lot to be desired...and I wasn't down with having to fight 36 skeletons, 30 spiders or somesuch... and if i didnt accept that one quest, that was it. no more quests outa him. Also liked and didn't like the town-to-town infleuence. Yu could gain rep in one town then go to another and the good rep was still with you.
I didn't care a whole lot for the town zones though... how am i supposed to grow you 64 potatoes if i have to lose rep for taking from your fields?.. even when i'm not in your town by a fair ways, having created my own plot to grow those required potatoes? -.-
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so i added Baileys Dailies.. which was better for a quest system... a bit glitchy.. but better. it added several peaceful quest choices everyday. it never would count my fish as i caught them... but she'd still accept them in person as a quest commpletion.
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pam's harvestcraft, rustic, and peaceful hunger. pam's harvestcraft was great!.. maybe a bit too much though... My goodness! there was a companion mod called something like cooking for dunderheads.. or something to that tune.. that offered a stove/fridge/storage for all that food! which was rather handy. they all worked together too! need bigger storage options tho.. pam's is a huge mod, with lots n lots n lots of food.
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Rustic was a bit like a mini version of pam's offering apple, olive and ironwood trees and a rather nice bee/honey set-up that went with the juice/oil making.
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peaceful hunger.. a nice tweek so being on peaceful didn't mean you were immune from getting hungry.
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I found a nifty, not often talked of 'backpack' mod created by someone called Brad16840. it seems pretty much just what i need... although i think the crafting recipe could use to be a little less... complicated.
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I tried to find a mod that would peacefully give me access to a few mob drops .. attained drops.. but the people who updated it made it so you have to hunt the mobs for the items to grow them. -.- not worthy at all. I can only hope to find something like that mod, only, made for peaceful playing in particular.
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Vein-miner was a rather handy mod...seemed somehow better on the trees then on the rock but.. who's complaining? it knocks out the ores and wood in the blink of an eye.
added along with this, would be fastleafdecay for amazingly quick deforestation .. then all youve got left to do is clean up the random ufo bits n bobs in the sky.. if any, and replant.
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finally found a version of minecolonies that will work past the set-down of the town hall glitch. Had to go to curse for it though, any other mod site seems to be content with the older non-working versons. then I encountered another game crashing bug.. i tried it twice, it ditched me both times...
the delivery person steals whet from the baker before they can bake it into bread. and will take whatever the baker did make, along with whatever is found in the citizen homes, and deliver all items to the warehouse... there to stay, while people starve and happiness tanks through the ground.
then, the moment the happiness score has been at 1 for a bit, the game crashes and I cannot get back in.

My advice to any one of the coders working on that mod, either give us an opportunity to adjust just what is taken by the delivery person, or, perhaps a way to turn off their pick-up visits to certain buildings would work. (there is no reason to be picking up the wheat at the bakers either) as it stands, considering the mess i have to go through to restart everything all over again, i'd rather feed the villagers and deliver stuff without the delivery person.

also, sad for me but i have yet to get the colony level above third.. nor have i quite figured out just what would make my villagers happy? (bot happiness to a 1.5 for adding barracks and 3 towers.. sigh) before something goes wrong and the game is corrupted. This last time, I was beset with an amazingly horrible lag and when I finally returned to the game... all the colony boxes were gone. Still have no real idea what caused it to happen...but i could say the lag was gone.. with the boxes and colonists.
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Animania and Better Agriculture.. very cool concept. I loved the different kinds of creatures.. the 3d forms are beautiful. only difficulties? keep yer rams in their own enclosure or things will very quickly and wildly get out of hand! and.. no way to dye sheep? awww! was sure a nice way to get the colors you needed then was having to color the White wool(only) individually.
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weather mods.. another wonderful idea considering the lackluster attempt by minecraft vanilla to make rain storms. and the dust storms.. wow!! But there was no love from me for the tornadoes n hurricanes throwing everything everywhere. Still I enjoyed it right up until my computer's complaints were finally heard and I took it down.
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Pam's get all the seeds. sweet idea... giving a random chance to gain potato, carrot, and melon seeds when clearing the brush.
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bird's nest, another very nice mod.. it's tiny, like the get-all-the-seeds one is. Gives a random chance to gain a few random things when chopping down trees. (I did try the tumbleweeds one, but the bouncing things were forever destroying gardens and planted fields!)
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unfortunately, birds nest isn't such a grand idea when paired up with minecolonies... the lumberjack has a love for picking them up, and clogging his inventory. So I thought to give another mod called loot bags a try.. well, its a good idea, i suppose.. if you can get the blasted things opened. thus far, every site i have so far visited but one, says nothing about this problem. one complained, same as my feelings, but the only answer anyone had was, right click to use the bag. which i have tried and tried to no avail.so, until i run across a working answer to the issue i'm faced with, this isn't a mod for me.

Dynamic Surroundings. interesting. ohh i like the water bubbles and the lava jets! very nice. the sound affects on switching tools, I liked not so much. (shiver) creepy and too loud. now if only you could cut the creep and get together with Ambient Sounds for background!
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Guess I'll give minecolonies one more chance... off to search for enough flat land to start once again! and No delivery person this time! Maybe I can manage to keep the folks happy for a bit longer.

I would love to play a questpack like peace of mind, .. but can find nothing small enough to work effectively on my computer... which is sad sad for me. there are small paks, but thus far, all but the one (which is huge!), nothing will work for peaceful.

edit: ... after several weeks of trying to get somewhere with minecolonies, 4 huge crashes that would forever glitch my game and having to start all over again...I have come to the conclusion that i cannot play minecraft of any size o ram... I suspect it has something to do with java se platform.. since its usually what crashes me.. my laptop already being sensitive on the whole boot-up idea as it is.. is not of much assurance.

so I am rather bummed. there just doesnt appear to be much of worth to stick with of late. too disapointed in my situation.. and the sorry state of an already sorry laptop...

I even tried watching another drama, got most of the way through, it was a good subject...even if it was a typical time-traveling doctor type. then i left it for a moments break/boredom... and never.. well.. haven't yet wanted.. to go back to it.

I watched a good movie.. wasn't too impressed with friends and family's 'eeehh' response though. lackluster doesn't become any of them. so.. guess its another of those subjects I am on my own with.

So don't let the nay-say-ers lead you astray.. I thought it a good movie... even if it did have a body count. it's name is "Bright". It stars Will Smith as a cop in a rough city where fantasy meets the gritty streets... much like alien nation the tv series did for the aliens... only with fairies, orcs, elves... and a magic-using, class of infernals looking to usher in the return of the evil dark lord.. and with them, comes the smell of the elusive long coveted wish-granting Wands that nearly everyone desires.. to the point of mass killing for even the hint of gaining one. And with this cop is a somewhat fumbling Orc partner and an elf, needing protection from all comers.. including other elves hellbent on retrieving the wand she holds dear.

(and just in case, you don't recall or didn't know of,Alien nation... here's a wiki on it. Link


Edit:

Found an old Mod being updated and I'm so happy about that!! It's a good mod, another really good idea.

Millénaire
now, the issues, are plenty, but it has some amazing potential. its a bit, like minecolonies, in the form of being a growing village, assisted by your gathering skills. that's.. pretty much where the resemblance ends tho. this french original is more a take on history.. with 4 different cultures, Mayan, Indian, Japanese, and byzantine. with each one pretty much speaking its own language. Rather than building anything yourself, you are more of a visiting trader, selling items each village needs to allow them to expand (such as wood, and iron). the more you help the village out, the better your reputation becomes, which will not only give you coin of the realm, but give you influence and access to some of their special items. (such as a village building wand)

Now all of this is great, and i'm loving how with each thing you sell to each village, the more buildings and villagers there are, and many of them have little quests to go here and there around the village, deliver food to a hungry soldier from his forgetful wife, solving mysteries, and seeing what you can do to improve their lives by a bit of land flattening or bridge-building or more resource -gathering.
Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be many coders to keep things moving along...which means your horrible, possibly game-breaking bug might not get got to for some time.

and too, I hesitate in reporting some of it, having gotten the back-side of banning before.
an example might be....

its something been reported before... back a few pages... but I can't help but think it might be related to the circumstances in which the bug happened. my first town, I got as many resources as I could and tried selling them... they didn't want everything i had, go figure... but eventually I think i got them up to max, or near max buildings(to go with their available space), but the baron still gave me a blank stare when I tried to speak with him. then I wandered on for a bit, eventually finding another village.. which turned into a cluster of little villages all in the same area... so I saved t-port at each one, intending to help them all... but, it seems they didn't entirely like each other and I started getting updates about this town disliking that one. so I got a bit more savoy on what else rep can do.. and tried to sooth ruffled feathers... only it backfired. no sooner then I praised my home to the villagers before leaving to gather more material, then they were gleefully at each others throats. I received a scrolling update saying the little village I just left raided my first village, now quite prosperous. in a near panic, i teleported back to the village and was told by the chief, that he had just raided my hometown! Trying to make the situation better, I went to the village board, intending to sell my wares.. and no one would meet me, curious as to why, I walked through the little village to find all the chatting townsfolk, 'stuck' in their homes. yees, all of them, even the chief, as I later found out.

now, I know my rep might have suffered a hit when I was unable to complete a quest because the little tyke wouldn't speak with me, to be able to give him the cake I had for him, I still had the cake in inventory and was hoping to give it a third.. or 4th try when I had returned. (that little boy was the first to get stuck really)

right after this incident, I was at the nearby village (literally over the pasture-field) and I saw several villagers from the 'stuck' village 'moving in'. huh, I thought. ok, maybe its the other merchant I have seen... so I didn't give it much thought, until arriving back at the stuck village, where everyone was still stuck in their homes.. including the villagers I just saw moving into the nearby village. so.. there's 2 of each of them now?

all of this and yet no mention of the horrendous lag i have been experiencing of late. everything slows to a jerking stop and go. including the pigs in the field... but not me... unless you count the instant reforming of blocks I just tried to break with a pick. (is this involving the newly updated forge perhaps? I might have to do a clean reinstall of minecraft for this one.)

gosh!

The end of an epic tale...

This evening I lost my beloved kitty, sir coo de-skamp-alot. He hung on for several long days really. as if he wanted to wait for christmas day. it was a long process really and several mishaps.. he had been in poorly shape for several months. he is finally at rest now. I will miss him quite a lot. My bestest kitty friend and tolerant family member from birth. for apox. 14 people years. I can't stop the tears from springing to my eyes,knowing he will no longer be there for snuggling or playing with, my constant companion.

Foibles in language learning

Of late, i have been enjoying a new Japanese learning program on mobile. Strangely it looks and acts a whole lot like another site's program.. And i wonder if the idea for it was.. Shared?
This new site is pretty nice, all told.. And other then little issues that are bound to come from a mobile-only app.. I havent had anything to complain about.... Until now.
The same issue i had on a group/answer site has shown up on this one, it seems. Suddenly finding yourself banned or blocked from posting for no apparent reason.
Nothing i can recall saying or doing thats against the tos...and no way to speak with the person who did the blocking to find out.
How flustering!!
So.. Here i sit wondering what happened and feeling quite the fool/patsy... Spinning over and over what i might have done or said in my mind... And knowing of no way to get it rectified.

So.. Of all the things that might have done it was.. One time there was a sentence.. Something like was your baby born.. Or such... I replied i would never say it like that.. To indicate the translation begged people to give sarcastic replies.. And this was proven by several others posting.. It wasnt born, it was hatched...or i decided not to have it after all.. Or... Well.. You get the point. Now, my email gets regularly spammed due to.. Any discussion you look at.. You automaticly follow.. But at one point i did see someones reply to it.. They got huffy.. Saying something about my not liking how japanese works.. Or somesuch.. I wanted to go back and apologize saying.. I wasnt being critical of that in the slightest.. But rather why i would not use the translations words.. Didnt want to lead new english learners astray.. Only to get hit with all the sarcastic or cheeky replies and not understand why.
Unfortunatly.. I couldnt find the spot where that descussion was going on... So couldnt reply.. (Couldnt edit/delete/or reply to the post via my mailbox and couldnt find the spot via the web because it isnt on the web. Mobile only.) I even tried going back over the area i thought it had been posted in. (Worked one time before).
So.. Whoever it was that got so horribly offended.. Didnt get the feather soothing i was hoping for at all.. And i didnt get to clarify. So...
What now? Am i forever blocked from posting alltogether now? Was that what got me blocked? Is there a way i can get myself heard from at all? Either to apologize or clairify ? Or to at least figure out if that was what it was?

Why are people so quick to jump into offence?

And Is this all just me? Anyone else have this issue?

To the moderators or.. To those that create forums with blocking ability..
Can you give a little warning?
Can you give benefit of doubt in those grey areas?
We arnt talking about swearing or stalking or threatening here.. Just a bit of miscommunication.
Can you at least consider the blockee a moment? A way for them to redeem themselves? Does it always have to be so black and white?

The other time i had issues with being blocked in a forum.. I got no warning.. No way to ask or explain. It was a solid unyeilding wall. A ban. And even when they eventually said there was a way to get the ban reviewed.. The moment they found out i had been. I was completely ignored. To this very day i have -no- idea as to what they thought i did wrong.. If they thought it at all.

This is a bit like being beat. And then when asked why.. They reply. "You know what you did!" .. But you dont.

photo storage and posting..

Reciently, as in just a moment ago, I noticed that photobucket messed up my picture hosting for free accounts by disallowing 3rd party hosting.. Such as blogger.. Since i have yyyeearrrs worth of picture hosting through them.. Its going to take a little while to adjust. Its not so imperative here as it is with the drama blog so.. Bear with the dust until i can either move things around or until i can make things a little less relient on the photobucket pics. ..thankyou.

Writing gots and not gots

Once upon a time...  What a way to start... There was a writer called peaches.. She was great with intros and short story starts.. But her attention wavered into the boredom zone fairly quickly and she never quite completed anything significant.. She came close though..once. With a simple illustrated book.

Her proudest moment came with the invention of notebook wars between her and good friends.. During which many a page was filled during a most satisfying year or so.

Then disaster struck her life and she found herself living too far away from the friends she valued.. (More than she realized at the time, i assure you.) And feeling alieniated due to an intrusion of several judging eyes into her -in the moment- most private thoughts.. That really none could hope to truely understand (not even her... 10 mins after she thought it)... And she was horribly scarred by the incident for years. Still.. And perhaps none-the-less... She loved to write. At first, she thought to be a whole lot more careful.. Mindful even, of her deep smarting scars and how others can so easilly misunderstand.

She first tried starting a writing group but it was laid low by a lack of interrest. Still.. With it in mind.. She started a "semi-guided" writing group online.. Thinking if she just.. Started off with background and a set-in-wool idea.. It could be fun.. There was some interrest and a senario was started.. Establishing the parameters a bit more firmly, she thought.
It was to be a survival theme.. With the cats musical as a base background ... The characters would be people portaled in by an unknown force.. And transformed into humaniod cats. The setting was a forest.. Much like a real life enviroment. Only.. No tech.. And no people in the area. The cats first story start was a hungry encounter with a huge boar... then they successfully had food.. .. And then something went wonky with the sudden arival of high fantasy and the whole group quickly disintegrated. Thinking it was likely due to her own poor explainations..perhaps not being clear enough.. She wandered the net for a time.. Looking for another group she could perhaps fit into.  Around in that same time frame.. She found first.. A group of writers basing thier world off a game. It was great fun for quite some time.. Before the writers headed off for fairer skies.. She tried nearly in vain to keep in touch with several of them... And she found another group in unlikely waters.. Basing thier world off of an anime ninja theme.. With a scattering of cannon characters. That too was great fun but seemed a dying breed really. When it desolved, peaches was once again on her own. And speaking of dying breeds, She was also at one distant past moment.. in a text world.. Lending her talents of description to its configuration... Perhapes the most fun shed ever had.. Making room descriptions so beautifully detailed.. It took a slloow walk through to really get the story woven into it..room by room... Although you didnt have to read everything.. You could just rush on through. As many would. There were, however, many hidden objects you were sure to miss if you didnt. And then.. The fun was spoiled by internal politics and an ex- friend who went on a power glut.
Just as well though.. As the text worlds were a truely dying thing and now.. Its more nostalja then it is a living fantasy world anymore.

A closed chapter later and presto! Here i am with my own blog.. For the same "no reason," reasons to exist as it was when it was started so many years ago. Just lil ol me chanting dustbunny rhythms into the general void of the net as usual.

And looking out the window from my little niche in this void.. I can see what seems to be the world around the anchor in chaos. Peoples seems to have gone a little more insane this year then ever was before.

There is a rather colourful character that has somehow managed to not only ticc everyone off at least once but also has managed to squeeze into a top dawg status. Guess if so many sought changes from what was before.. They did get thier wish.. For good or ill. I wonder whatll happen next.... Hmm..

Reciently, theres a dark side and a light side.. Who came to blows on the street.. The top dawg said both sides were at fault.. And i agree.. It takes at least two sides with opposing views to make for an argument. one side then stretched into the realm of intolerance and suddenly the whole area is scrambling in efforts to not be associated.

One can hear the cracking of glass from where I stand... Sounding like thunder as the words scrawl themselves across the wall and formed peices of beautiful art in stone is being toppled and trampled upon.

Be aware.. And Beware of complaining about the splinter you see in others eyes.. When theres a log in your own. I should know. Ive kept warm through many a winter from the descovery of those flippin logs! Aint no wonder i have bad sight!

Anyway.. For all the past mistakes of another lifetime.. If i complained and railed against the losses i saw coming, I apologize. All i can really do. .. So I go from here.. Learning as i go along. Even as yet into another chapter.. To go through yet another portal.. And hopfully.. Descover more fun times to be had in the future.

Plehhs and other overheated words

I'm still hanging in here. The south is still waay to hot for my tastes. Still learning japanese..and being in a complete muddle with it all. And Still trying to play a little final fantasy 10? Online when i get a chance at the library. ..i still kinda miss mabinogi too... Missing soooo much :(
The dude next door has been mowing his vast yard and.. *growl of thunder* once again proving the old saying of "encouraging the rain"... Man thats gotta be moider on his mowers blades and engine. Personally.. I dunno about flooding in the city and all.. But.. I welcome the rain... Especially as it comes complete with puffs of cooling breeze... to lower the 100+ degree weather back into the realm of 'livable.' Let-it-rain let-it-rain let-it-rain! Unfortunatly, when it comes to rain.. Or snow, if it should ever show up.. It rains like crazy for maybe 5/15 mins max.. Then its done. Thats the typical south for ya.. Flash-in-the-pan rainstorm. Not much time to actually cool much.. And just enough rain to make the mushrooms grow in the muggy aftermath.
The wasps have taken the majority of the porch corners. This year.. Its yet a different wasp type.. They are tiny in comparisn to the others.. And they dont seem as agressive either. They stay clustered on thier rapidly growing nests.. I dont quite know what to make of them. Although.. If they ever do suddenly get all clannish about defending thier spot.. Someone is in for a world of flattening. Got one right outside the door.. Very imtimitating. Need wasp spray. Ugh! I think i detest wasps/hornets more than i do mosquitoes and spiders!
What else is there to say.. Rain is done.. I guess, so am i... For now. Tootles

Summer blast! ...too hot too hot!!!

Finally got the cooler back online, so to speak. Just in time too... So it feels... Getting hothot now.. The 'thing' about living in the south i never did like .. The 100+ degree summer weather. Id rather freeze than i would die in the heat.. At least with the cold.. You can always pile on the sweaters n jackets. With the horrendous heat you can only take off so much before you become indecent and well broiled too.

I admit that as troubling as translation can get. Im rather enjoying the new addition to duolingo.. I hope they get japanese for the web soon, as well... Since its only for phones atm.

Also I'm enjoying final fantasy online (whichever number its at now) free version... Whenever i get the chance at library time, that is.
Its a biig mmo so make sure your graphics is up to the task if you care to give it a look-see.

Summer heat... Ongoing

-.-.....  Yep, i'm bored. Got power.. Go got lights and fan in use..(and not much else) Defying some of the horrendous heat that marks the south's summer time. And as much as i might feel like to do some stuff.. Getting too far from the fan causes overwhelming heat flashes and my brain quickly goes on vacation without me. So.. Yeahh... .. For reasons. I dont like the south summers.

What else...  Um. Movies, of course!!  Well.. Lessee.. I have been through my whole collection at least twice by now.. Having watched my favorites several times more even!
Got to see guardians of the galaxy2 in the theatre.. Fav character died... Why does this always seem to happen to me?!!  Ah well... Still a good movie. Have been watching a fair amount of Detective Conan as well.. And the series of iron fist. Plus korean drama W. Ive also gone over various episodes of leverage.. Even though they have ended a bit ago now.. Its still one of my favs.
Someday, the movers and groovers of neilson ratings neeed to get an -actual- plulse of the viewing public and not just the view of a select few (if that).  Seriously.

Thankfully there's always the option for portal distraction.. (Even if it lacks online updates)

I have been hanging in Minecraft a lot of late. I have been treating it a bit like a basic sims game.. Going from village to village, mapping, naming, improving and securing... Keeping only to what i can readilly find on or near to the surface.. Since im not very much into deep cave exploring, and taking on the risk of losing life and equipment down there. So.. Iron, cobblestone, and its like is my limit.

It's been fun roofing houses, adding counters, beds etc, and putting up fences. I have named a few buildings, such as the town library and smithy.. Chafed at not being able to name villagers.. Especially the one's i have worked with before. One farmer out of a doz in town and i have to look at what each one is selling to find the one with experience and thereby offering more inventory options.. Is -really annoying!!-
On the otherhand... Colorizing sheep is great fun!! And those ninny little always-under-foot chickens are still the cutest evah critters!! (Havent seen a llama in minecraft as yet.. I have heard of thier existance tho.)
So.. Its fun.. Yepyep.

Speaking of libraries.. When i get the chance to go... I usually listen to randoms on youtube... I'm on something of a forced break from linguti a great language learning site... Waiting in hope for a new japanese unit i can go through... Maybe some help with kanji? Or/and more practice with grammar. Need another site like it to play on while i'm waiting... And before you think it.. Yeass.. Im aware of that other website (duolingo) everyone seems to be going on about. It doesnt, as yet, offer Asiatic languages on the site tho.. So, until it does.. Im not interrested. (Getting closer though... Console ios and maybe phones soon.)

Such Talent..and ...a bit more on Anime

Yeah ok I'll admit, I'm something of an otoku... I love Japanese anime and manga.. and that which relates in a nifty way... one such being music! XD

History Maker