another abrupt change to living..

Yep...here we go again. Another move.. nowhere to go.

And a rant. Just how can someone be of any real sense in saying that the messilly hand written page is easier to transcribe onto a computer page than is a nicely typed page you can just cut n paste with? I just really really dont get that!!! I know, i know, what difference does it really make? But.. it does make a difference to me!! Maybe im just rediculously dumb about little stuff in that it drives me batty in not understanding just why its just not understandable to me. And here i am being thrown a "get over it!" (Which is rude, to say the least.) And having to grumble my way into self-imposed seclusion.

And..since i am makin the noise.... Dont ever assume that just because you have been talking about and wanting a special something..and its gotten, that its actually all yours. Dunno just why that feels a bit like someone is lording something over another...it just does.

Ok..atm..at the church...less privacy... Living all in one room, getting food from another... Crampt...and grumbly. Feeling at once ill-temperd today, and rather like crying.

Today, we got to see a possibility. Very interresting dynamics to the area. Could you live in an old cinderblock house with tin roofing under big ol trees waay out near a lake? The damp earthy smell of mugginess and shade throughout the heat of summer in nowheresville... An old hippie commune..trash to treasure...was there even a mailbox in the area? Trailers old old old  under tall thick trees, campers that have been there for years hidden behind better mobile homes . There was a friendly foor-footed sort, that came by to say hello, and welcome to the area.  And thats always a good sign.

...and just to say i said so,..yes, there is such a thing as useless bumbling and rambling on.... I engage in it regularly, it seems.

I need a new home. Someplace comfortable.. secure...safe... That isnt some elses home. I need a job im secure in. Something i can do...reliably.. that i dont need to compete too much in .. something others might find helpful.

And another gripe...example..you caught poison oak in a bad spot..not to say..all spots are bad when it comes to poison oak... And the person with the purse strings could..get you the drying agent you need to clear it up. Your misribles and uncomforable., So you ask them to plz plz pick ut a bit of that drying agent..along with a few other things you need..like toothpaste and bandaids..the person gets everything but the drying agent you need. You ask again..maybe they had issues finding any... Maybe it costs a lot... But after the third time of asking...first time you got a toothbrush...second time was the rest of what you asked for..but for the drying agent...but no..they didnt get that item because it was thought you wernt really in need of it. You tried to explain that it would dry the area and work toward healing and you wouldnt be so unhappy...but it had no real effect..you simply dont need it in the eyes of the one who held the means to making things a bit easier on you. Why? ...good question. And what can you really do about it? That poison itchy crap isnt about to go away without help. Ointment does little to no help if you are sweating and itchy. Just continues to spread aroundanother one of those things that happen and i just dont get it ..at all. Why would you want someone else to suffer when you could just get it cleared up, no real trouble at all?

and the beat goes on..

..la dee da dee dahh ..la dee da dee dahh

In Minecraft... the server I play on..
moved a few boxes around today. put some saddles downstairs....
got a few more litchens.... forgot where i put them...
put iron blocks into a box downstairs...

checked out the news.. still boring...still going on....

went to genshin impact... after having to reload again. finally remembered my hotkeys..
moved over my dailies into a new area. then relized it was better where i had it.. forgot how i moved it. *slap forehead*

went to mabi... thankfully remembered to permi my new wings before the event ended.
going back into hiatis with them... at least until they get an interesting prize for an interesting event.

might try to catch up (hahahaha!) in duolingo... ohh that was funny *wipes tears of laughter*

considering a few semi fav games, like timberborn or a return to rimworld.
dunno

still poofta over sims 4. have to be online to play it.. and have to be the only one up in the house to keep from lagging everyone. its not that fun.

my time on seems limited.. and dragged out. still not entirely sure if thats a good thing or not. feeling restless and .. sad really, over the whole thing.

March Marches On

Not much to say about the new year for me (being 3 mos in., but for... more of the blehks.... years worth of blehks. Not really the best time for a portal user to be paying attention. yepyep.. thats about it. sooo... in a sudden panic, i headed for the nearest escape portal and ...

ok, at first, only the bare bones basics gave me anything to hold onto... pretty open world... which i really like... but things quickly became most confusing.. there really wasnt much explained.. the horridness of which was where do you get all the 'currency' it was asking for. like the, objects you needed to give to the statues to level them up.... and what happens should you actually manage to do so... and what about weapons? how do you get better? defense?.. is there such a thing? lots of questions.. after a little bit, i put it down and returned to portals i better knew for a time... but now I'm back, and already much is improved. several questions have been answered.. others are still out there. but i have hope i'll get them figured out before too long.

Genshin Impact

free to play but for the things called wishes and such. a bit heavy on the graphics but sooo awesome! theres a fair bit to do... and quite a bit of room to do it in as well. its a big place. you have an option between 2 siblings who become seperated at the start of the intro. you then meet other characters 3 of which you add to your party. each one has thier own unique skills.. and you can quickly switch between them to best effect. there are quests to get through.. puzzles and badguys.. and random chests with useful treasure and food to gather. Thus far i have spent considerable time running here to gliding there peeking into every glade, along every shore and into every tree just to see what all there is. the monsters will present a good chalenge when encountered, no matter the level you might be. Experience and coin can be found within quests, as well as just being out there, pickin up foods, cooking, talking to npcs, questing, learning the history.... in the cities, towns and the countryside. you can learn alchemy, cooking recipes, the benefit of artifacts, you can check out the tourist shops, your local adventurers guild, or ..something about furniture? or just run or glide about untill you stumple upon a storyline to follow. just have a care for the weather. it's well worth it to check out if you have a computer that can handle it.

Nappy yew Hear!!

here it is.. 2020(yet again..as well.. also) are we stuck in a loop? is it a groundhog day like the movie? first we had 2020, then we had 2020(once) and now here it is 2020(too) once again. sure hope we get whatever it is right this time.

This year i got a gift or two, one of which was access to finally get to play the Sims 4. I had been really looking forward to this. all the new options i had head about! now, by this time, i would hope that, if you have been following along here, you might have some idea just how much i lothe games who profess to be offline games yet really are online ones.. some being worse than others. unfortunatly for me, im not able to remain online forever.. i lose connect due to issues with the provider, with repair folks, with a job, or other means of income. I liked how it once was, when I was able to spend some of that forced downtime playing a game i enjoy, untill i could get back online. why are game makers changing that? gone are the days you could buy a game, take it home, plug it in and ready for play! now a-days even if the game is still the same in essence, but you have to be on-line to play it? another play-around with copy protection?
I can apreciate the need to get online for updates and such, it makes sence. but the Sims has taken that 'you need updates' to a whole new level. not only do you need a connection to the net to start the game, but you need to be on steam, and you need to be constantly on the whole time you are playing. its shtupieeed! so now, not only can i not count on the sims for play-anytime but i have half a doz hoops to jump through everytime i do play. (and all this besides the growing price for new content.)makes we wonder if its worth it to even try... the Sims 4 may just be my last actual sight of the game series.
the Sims is not an mmo... it wasnt created as such... I guess it -could- be.. with enough changes... but thus far, it isnt. much like some great games of the recient past. or some in the present who should be... but thats a whole different gripe.

Thus far anyway.. ol Minecraft's offline play is still possible... but they have made it less obvious. I actually had to search under 'new version connections' to find the offline play link. Now that they have 'moved over' to Microsoft.. its startin to look to me, it wont be long before we are going to have to pay per month to be allowed past the launcher screen. Dumb move Mojang. Not only that but all in the name of what was it you said? security? Microsoft? security? bhahaha! you must be kidding me! security for who? certainly not for us... the consumers. you been living under a big rock this whole time if you think Microsoft is secure for us. was this supposed to be another one of those 'for the greater good' things? more like one of those 'to good to be true' things, if you ask me.

and speaking of thought-provoking gripes... Mass Formation Psychosis. Get past all the fribbin hate! I'm just sayin...

nuff'said. XD

*Gingerly steps off the "polo-ticks" soap-(gritty kitty litter)-box*

Within the portals of minecraft, life goes on... I'm lonely.. so its to the online world i go.. where I have to wait... for, as usual, the mods to catch up. -sigh- I wanna see all the new land styles, wanna learn where all the ores have gotten to.. and i have to wait, when do we get to see it already? by the time they all catch up, the ninny warden is gunna be in the dark deep! I hate waiting! and I dont wanna have to run into the big ugly just to catch sight of all the cool new landscapes! the warden isn't even here yet, and already has been banned off my single player. Gunna have enough trouble just getting around the new changes, don't need another mega-mob to run into. the deepdark is scary enough. blehh *taps fingernails on the desk grumbling*

Maybe its the kind of day... thus far this weekend, its been Freezing out! *cuddles in blanket* a weekend cold snap anyone? and we just had a lot of rain too.. I was totally hoping for a little snow to help give a reason for all this cold...but noo....
this is best known in the south, as a weather phych. Mother Nature is just building us up to phych us out. threatening to do something horrible, nasty, and downright mean.. only to laugh at the last second as the sun comes out and dashes away all of the clouds before noon.

Yepyep... still here.

Happy 1st of the end of the year. 

its December. almost hard to believe its going on a year..2022. This blog has been squeaking along since 2005 at its usual pokey pace. amazing. 

Feeling strangely idle this morning, thus far..like I need another new hobby or something. maybe revisited in homedge to the past. (grin) like old games or something. like ...

old Diablo. the content was adventursome, i suppose.. but it was my first game with such detailed graphics as it had. or like 

"the zoombinies".. for which you needed to use yer thinking cap for. or really old games, 

like "wizardry!" where my party, with ample imagination, such as I have, developed their own conversations and personalities, like indy the flatnose (forever running into walls) or Synshae the wanna be.. Bishop! or online games, such was 

Everquest2 and ol Ratakin and his "by the seat of yer pants" aproach to living in a treed Fairy town. (that he was forever falling out of), 

Asherone's Call, whose graphics was 'really dated', but where My character Indy) yeas, her again) developed a server-wide reputation for most deaths, thought she could fly but couldnt, and whom had a -total fear of the little pixies-. (especially those black one's who were just pure evil. or maybe the popular 

Warcraft, with the minotaurs, the blue aliens, and the amazing lands of the panda! Or a revisit to still relevent 

Mabinogi.. whose story is packed with adventure, storylines, and fun times with friends, life skills, fighting skills, and new costumes for your character to parade around in... lookin so smart! or maybe 'newer' games, like 

"Rimworld", who isnt big on the graphics part of it, But! is jam-packed with appeasement of the 'sims' end of gaming. watching the drama unfold around your lil colonists. so fun! ...no I'm not joking! Rimworld is fun!. its like a poorman's sims game with adventure and learning new things all mixed in for your characters. or 

"Timberborn", a building game, whose townships are run by Beavers. or maybe the latest in cool games I enjoy, like 

"cat goes fishing." which is.. exactly as its name implies. somehow it manages to be simple and entertaining as well, to me. a total gem of a game. And theres Always 

Minecraft, who just updated to expanded 1.18... its a whole bigger world! taller, mountains, snowier snow, Goats! and deeper caves, more minerals, danger, and Axelotls! and a shout-out to the hermits for their seasons creation and upbeat versions of life and times in the world of Minecraft, keeps me ever-happilly waiting for the next episode on youtube. Ty Impulse, Cubfan, Scar, Pearl, Mumbo, and FalseSymetry! you and the whole rest of the gang are tops!

The day and Age

Ah the foibles of life. These days, with all thats going on here and across the globe, its hard not to get all caught up and wigged out about what yesterday, was no big deal, today is all about a big deal. seems like just when you get one thing figured out, everything changes and you find yourself having to scramble to catch up on it all again. and in one aspect, I feel its just too much and why am i trying so hard.. and in another, I feel I should be trying harder, or my expectations are gunna rear up of a sudden and I'm gunna be drowned in them again. (thereby, making no real sence at all, even to me.) I detest running into my own expectations. so, let me start again with something I'm a bit more comfy with.. even as things around me keep getting in the way.

An update with Minecraft.. and whats comin up. 1.17 thus far is a few really nice changes.. new blocks, new mechanics. and the usual lack of direction from yours truely... meaning myself. with the second part, being 1.18 showing sneak peaks along the way toward the end of the year.

I stepped into a new portal... for the second time... and somehow got to meet some pretty cool friends. I have been much like the times.. a bit chaotic. time of month, alergy sneezes and stuffed thoughts, full of muzzy cotton. ..paranoia and fear... and not watching out for my own facts of reality. I have been showing my lows, and been more than a little frightened of things that i am looking forward to, will ring hollow... and thus far.. theyre still there, these friends. (arn't they?)
I started in the nearest town.. straightening out roads, and farming areas... not realizing someone else had already laid claim. I saw the town fizzle and villagers disapearing.. and then roaring back of a sudden via replenishment of a creative admin. i learned about.. and am still learning about just what it means to have a lack of mob griefing. I have tried to move across the swamps and dark oak.. using my idea of a nether hub for ease of transport. and got a slightly better connection I am none too sure i should be trusting.I settled into a small village of cedar and spruce.. trying to keep things small scale hoping it will keep the lag monster from chewing on my ankles. I then created a bridge, spanning the very ocean to reach another village i had 'adopted'. the bridge is still not completed. but the new village became more of a town sitting on the edge of the new updated plains.. and a geode was found there, along with several new blocks I am hoping will soon become a bit more versitile, stairs, walls, and slabs.

my spruce home has become a place of all new underwater activity, with the axeys and the glow squid... and the drowned. I became interrested in the ruins in the water and have spent considerable time enjoying the benefits of a conduit I placed down there...temporarilly, I told myself, and up until a day or so ago, was still saying. I descovered the properties of copper and its value as lightning rods, shocking as it was. (pats down frizzled hair) somehow i got them up just in time. and am now thinking there must be a way to make a few new houses, in between what already exists... and yet there is space uphill I have done not a whole lot with. I did put up a wall, at last, on the land side anyway... since the woods are full of zombies and skelis. still considering tree houses.. even as I dont wish to copy anothers idea.

ahead of us, there is both aprehention and joy for the new dynamics of the coming update. caves and cliffs part 2. With monsters only being able to spawn in complete darkness.. and my adversion to said darkness...and ample use of torches and fences... should be welcome, with the expansion of the world.. bigger caves, getting in the way of my mining style. *grumble* and shivers for the new wardon I hope I will somehow be able to mentally surmount like i have the enderman.

I am learning more about how to fly.. with the rockets..(so halfhazzardly) and swim..with the dolphins.. and that lovely conduit. I got to meet someone who is much like me in creative building.. and seems a bit more sympathic to my foibles. I feel I have learned a lot.. to the point I feel i need to write it down, lest I forget it all. I am slow, I have realized, with building and projects. Very slow... and weeks with just being content not to do much of anything.

That reminds me, i have yet to see 'the hubby's' lightnouse build on that lonely island. I wonder but wont ask the question in mind.. these days, its just better not to risk getting into it. Wish I could remember that bit of sage advice when I feel the impulse to howl at the wall. Either back it up or shut it up... problem is how to 'back it up' when the news and truth, mixed with nontruth and lies, is all over the place?

Its the day and age of rage.

edit: boy, has it ever. Someone who's friendship I valued, turned out to be toxic and quite hateful toward me... came out of the past to once more smack me soundly about the head and shoulders.. (I'll Just call this person Bob) to me it felt quite sudden and i was stunned... but as I felt the emotions ebb over me.. I realized it was nothing new.. I just didnt expect it to be such a big deal... I had forgotten the intence feeling of pure hatred washing over me via Bob. and the insane "reason of opposites".. I had tried to be of support to someone I viewed as a good and true friend... Bob had gone through a difficult time. Aparently, at least in Bob's book, i suck at good advice and should have realized it sooner... like as in before I thought that my support was actually something that was wanted. I had forgotten. I had forgotten all about the ill-feelings toward me, voting instead, to remember what a good solid friend this person was. Some things have changed.. some things, aparently, have not. I truely, am sorry, that after all this time, its still a fresh wound to Bob. Beyond that, I wont even try to give advice for moving on.. to anyone but me. I choose not to encounter this toxicity in my life anymore. I chose to take my own 'good advice', and move on. Short of the jitters and a few tears, I got over it. I recall now, some of those feelings of hatred in my life... from other sources. they are like a sad echo.. stuck behind me in the past.

I suppose that would be the beauty of losing one's memory. you forget the angry pain as well as the mountain of regret. edit/update... learned something I was -really- slow to realize today... I seem to have the avengers 'banner' for a trivia partner... he has a secret i was slow to figure out. some people in this world really are... always angry. truely, that can't be good for thier health. its really a sad to realize as well. Is it possible to have high blood preasure and be anemic at the same time? Does a person have to be born with autism, or can it be aquired over time? .. can a person get autism though one's parents if they dont have it? I watched a video the other day who spoke of such things.. having a hidden autism... and the signs to reveal it. i did fit that idea. well.. for certain I'm an overthinker.... at least it sounds a bit less of a clinical thing.

A Secret Scare

Starting to think I might need to get tested for dementia, maybe random havana syndrome, or somesuch. I still don't believe the great mugwup had ended with the problem they said he did. I know I have said as much, but.. maybe it was just about splitting hairs on my part.
I doubt myself for making no sence...just thinking I do. someone gave me three words... and I thought to remember them for the next time I needed to recall.. and not 2 minutes later I could only recall the first one. The other day I sang a song out loud.. and was embarrissed to think i might have sung it off-key. !! I was mortified. the other evening, I told someone something I thought was terribly interresting... thought I might have embellished the story a bit.. and i only got a Hmm.. in responce. Again, I was confused and a bit embarrissed. I didnt hear a word i expected, so thought to provide it.. and got an eyeroll. "of course, I knew that all along!" my tendency to repeat things.. as if saying them once wasnt clear enough... especially old stories... which should be quite well known by now. was I lying?..embellishing? when asked what I thought might be a "prove it" suggestion, I got irate and said I no longer cared about any of that. Have i forgotten some of those things I said? are things I think still relevant, not any longer? is it just to me? I doubt myself. how many times of late has the English language, "not been with me"? and how many times ..of late... have i gotten up, not sleepy in the slightest, only to find myself nodding off a moment later? a faulty gene? I'm rather frightened in public.. or when talking, afraid I'm making no real sence... that I'm losing something... something important... that imbellishments i might have said.. or forgotten might be exposed. I have stopped my language learning because I feel I cannot retain any of it. i look at a word, and can no more identify it now, then i could some 7 years ago. I have, of late, often felt panic rising within me, at having forgotten something... or that, as if i had intentionally lied as my sister often asserted, sometime in the distant past, will get discovered. so I hush.. hoping not to be "called upon." Things I might have said, or ugly things that have happened in hazy history, I have spept (swept)aside, intentionally, saying I'll think on it another time.. and never to do it again. its just.. whatever it was.. gone.. like a wisp of steam, in my mind.
...... am I fogetting something? .......

talk aabout having an 'off' day. sheesh... and whats with all the typos?!

edit/update... yepyep mental health is a thing... looking back with realization..how many times already? and looking forward with a shiver of anxiety...and.. I dont want to worry... i dont want to think so much into things, i mean. what if its just me? and yet... they say dont ignore early signs... look at it this way... a person to who loves do certain thing, no longer does them... things that could prove embarrissing, slipping from one thought to another in the middle of a chat, that makes people (everyone but you) do a mental "wait, what?" and well into it, later, do you catch it... i was talking about "how long one boiles eggs, not potatoes." is it just a woopsy? what if it happens over and over again? is it still just amusing? do excuses still work? "I stopped simply because i felt i was going nowhere with it." does it feel like it's.. if there's something more to it? or are things, for you starting to add up to fear of something bigger and its all just... nothing, and yer just jumping over molehills again? if it just me, being exadurent and fearful? (I'm pretty sure you get the meaning in that 'word' regardless of its made-upness.) I blame it all of something else.. just dont care to know anymore... just can't see my way through it, im just tired.. a lot. or maybe.. I simply didn't get the answer I expected.. i didnt understand the answer i got...
feelings checklist.. fear, anxiety, difficulties, not up to the task, loss, a desire to let someone else take over. giving in. giving up? uncomfy, leaning away, sad, tearful, angry, frustrated, flussered, rolling eyes, where do i go from here? do i? trying to shut up more... and more often. I'm so sorry. :(

-sigh- here i go again..

Its funny how people will "Hear" me.. but not really "listen" to what I'm saying... the words I am choosing. trying to carefully knit phrases together to give a bigger meaning to what I'm saying. And it gets misinterpreted.. the person gets angry, thinking I am trying to somehow harm them with hurtful things or calling them petty names(?)...which is most certainly not my intention at all. And Incredulously, I get told I need to be more careful with my words. *looks a bit confused* Well maybe I'm not the worlds best communicator.. I'm no wordsmith, thats for sure. Especially across the net. well... -sigh- i guess thats how it goes.

At the time of writing this, I am heeding the whole "stay-at-home request. I do hope that for those of you in the same boat right now, that you keep your hands clean and avoid getting to close to others.. and keep cabin fever away by playing the hermit just a bit longer. "this too, shall pass."

I have been spending time, as usual, playing with the (role-gaming) portals that pop up,, staying mostly with the realm of Minecraft of late.. and listening to the news i find on youtube..with the occasional musical interlude of artists I enjoy.

Tune Vids Baby! oh yeahh

Steam-Powered Giraffe - I'll Rust with you




The Newfangled Four - Hello My Baby... Through the Years




Conchita Wurst - You Are Unstoppable

Dimash Kudaibergen - S.O.S D'un Terrien Detresse

at the Tokyo Jazz Festival 2020

The Cog is Dead - Another Cog in the Machine




The Petersens & Ger O'Donnell -The Fox

Sand Fleas and Bedbugs on you and pets

Life experiences... yeah.. I have had my share of bug battles.. this is my quick and cheap way to mow down their numbers before they totally get out of hand. from actual life experiences.

A. head lice.  If you got them, you will likely know it fairly quickly. they itch! and you can just about see and feel the little beggers walkin around . If you want to get rid of them, find yourself a ready lice comb,  a jar of mayonnaise, and a plastic grocery bag.... you heard right.. mayo. It seems they cant handle the oil of mayo.. not olive oil.. although its good for your skin, it wont stay on your head long enough to suffocate the lice on your head. take the mayo and spread it everywhere in your hair and scalp.. put the plastic bag over your hair/mayo mix like a shower cap.. simply to keep the mayo in place on your head. give it some time, until the mayo starts to 'melt and drip a bit (about 30 mins?) then go take a shower and wash your hair. give it a day or three, then reapply to catch all the new hatches you missed the first time. the mayo will have caused the glue on several of the eggs to come free.. but not all the eggs will fall out of your hair that first time. A lice comb is handy so make sure to keep it on hand in a med kit or some such for future bug infestations you might encounter... especially if you own cats.

B. Fleas. What a Pain these bugs are. best way to cut down their numbers is a constant vigilance.. that lice comb (see above), some dish soap (like dawn) and a glass. comb out the cat, being careful around furry elbows, nipples, and whiskers, then quickly grab the comb tines and pull the red/black of fleas, flea dirt, and cat fur off into the glass of extra soapy water (I would also have a long chopstick or other such to stir the fleas etc down into the water.) repeat as needed.
Now for a quick hazard warning to watch for, when putting down a soapy water dish near a light, for fleas to jump into... it works, yes, fleas are attracted to the light and will jump into the water and drown.. but.. there will also be fleas that missed the jump in your carpet all around the area.. and the infestation will eventually get pretty thick in that area.

C. Bed Bugs. there is no easy way to really be free of these pests..but... knowing a bit about them can help... they are active mostly at night and in the very early dawn.. they can and will often climb the walls and fall off, hoping, I guess, to find a tasty snack by landing on you in your bed. they will also cluster in gathers and folds of your mattress, sometimes staining it with little spots of black. when they bite, its often multiple times in one area and often you wont even feel them until well after the deed is done and the bug has moved on. I have tried most bedbug sprays and bombs to no avail... best bet is to buy a sturdy bedcover and encase your bed in it to deal with most of them, be prepared to have that case on for like a good year tho. and get out a spray bottle for rubbing alcohol (at as near to 100% as possible) to catch the ones you didn't encase.. like on the walls, on the case itself, on the floor or in other 'tight' places they can cram themselves into. the rubbing alcohol dries them up pretty quickly. keep after them.

D. the Sand Flea. yes, the little 'hopping' creeps you find at the seashore, in hillocks and tufts of long grass and along the tide line. No they are not actual fleas. and No, they don't have issues with salt. their bites hurt and then itch and often leaves little trace of its happening.. but for a tiny itchy spot on your foot. and no, they aren't just for the seashore. they can be transferred via sand taken from the shore to places far inland where it might be used for cat-boxes or/and children's sandboxes. they are a light brown, nearly transparent color, until they have fed, then they become dark and look much like a flea.. but do not often leave 'flea dirt' behind like a regular flea would. their numbers will increase very quickly and make like a moving carpet on your pet to avoid being seen. if your pet is small, it could very quickly become disastrous as they will put your cat into anemia which can become a kitty medical emergency. trust me on this one, not a good situation to have happen. flea/lice combs wont catch them, flea sprays, and powders are a no-go.. even the dawn dish soap bath has no real effect.  the expensive flea pill you can get at the veterinarian's <b>will work</b>.. temporarily. but not nearly long enough to avoid re-infestation.
but, I think, there is one thing that might just work to cut them down on you and your pet. Try this. Get a cloth or paper towel you can sop up with a whole lot of hydrogen peroxide and apply it directly to the fur and skin of your pet. it starts working near immediately to relieve the itch of the sand flea bites as you dab it on everywhere around the affected area, it quickly seems to drown the sand fleas and their bodies can be easily combed out afterward.
(and no, I had 'no idea' sand fleas were even a thing before I encountered them.. I only discovered this possible remedy some time after the death of my best four-footed friend and family member, when I found myself the recipient of their veracious visits.)

I do hope this short remedy list helps you out. let me know with a comment below, I'd appreciate it.

and then there are them there games...again.

luv the game but hate some of things in it? yeahh.. me too. here I give a voice to those things in the games I have tried of late. granted most of them are games still in coding works.. but thats the thing really? they need the feedback most during times such as this. so, here we go.

My Time in Portia

What a Beeeutiful game!! sweet color, gorgeous graphics, and such freedom, running around all over town and country, picking up wood, and stone, and checking out crops and animals and finding chests with goodies in them.
Its a shame the quests keep getting in the way! XD no, seriously, I like the quest idea, i love learning about the lives of the townsfolk with whom the higher your rep with each one,.. the more you learn about them. I like the idea of building things to help solve those quests, with each one fitting totally in with the character and situation they show up in.

Here is the problem(s) i encountered tho.
The quests... from the start.. was always a bit over my head. example, townie wanted a sword to practice with. didn't say what kind of sword, but for "to practice with". I had seen practice swords available to be made via my little workbench... so I thought, ok, the guy wants a practice sword. right? and accepted the quest, thinking it would take me all of a moment to run back to the workbench and get a practice sword. I had wood. easy-peasy. nope. got there only to discover, he wanted a 'bronze' sword. bronze? isn't that like, a mix between copper and tin or something?  ok, so it'd take a bit longer to make this sword... i needed metal. but where to get that? i wandered around a little, finding nothing but stone lying about. then i remembered something about a 'ruins' which might include mining... after a bit i found an entry in town that let me in and i found copper... then tin. yay! back to the house and..how much did i need again? hrm.. nothing to show a bronze sword on the workbench.. assembly? oh wait.. maybe i need to smelt the two together in the furnace first and then itd show up... so i created a furnace and smelted the bronze into bars. still nothing. hrm.. maybe i need to build up to it... i made a practice sword.. then another.. and another... well i can make an enhanced practice sword.. i need an upgrade for that. whaa? after looking about for a bit, i found an upgrade weapons box being sold (supersuper expensive!) in the town's tool shop... took about all of the trade coins i had but couldn't seem to do anything with it.. eventually, i returned home and put the thing in a storage box and let the day go by... then with another look, i found i could upgrade the practice sword. yay! i learned it used the upgrade box thingie, still in the storage box, later on. but still no bronze sword. eventually, i managed to gain enough boxes to upgrade my axe and pick plus one and still no bronze sword. ... and the quest ended... never to return.
ok, that was crappy, but wasn't to end there. eventually i learned that no failed quest returns... at least not in my version... not even the main story quests. add to that, all quests were timed, but over your ability to solve them by at least 2 levels. AND..  even when you jump through the research hoops correctly... you still sometimes lack in exactly how quests are to be solved. example... build a boombox.. they supposedly sent schematics but I see nothing changed in assembly instructions.. nor anything different listed in the workbench or furnace. the questor npcs have nothing to add either. So... uhh... what to do before the timer is done and i lose the quest forever? do I need to dash to the wiki again, hoping someone else has instructions ..again?
frustrating. Someone let me know when the quests get straightened out and I'll try to return for this otherwise wonderful game, please!

Minecraft
Now for those of us who have played this game several times, we don't see much of the issues that new players might see..because to us, they are oldhat. I recently got to watch someone play this game that had never played before. and I remembered some of the things i wish i had known when first starting out. there's kind of an order thats useful for beginners.. and oldhats as well.
a) huge rule of minecraft. "Do not dig straight down." you don't know just what you might find yourself suddenly dropping into the middle of. trust me in this, it's good advice to remember. (this should also be the rule for jumping or falling into really deep holes in the ground as well. you-gunna-die.)

when starting a new world, theres a little button you could push that'l really help. a starting chest, which will appear somewhere close to where you spawn in. In it, you will often find either a wooden or stone pickaxe, an axe of the wood chopping sort, some food, and a couple of logs/wood. take those, take the chest, and the torches, if any, that are around it.

first order of business, you need 3 sheep.. . if you kill three sheep and punch/use an axe on a tree or three youl have a bed to sleep through the night unmolested by the nighttime bad guys (a couple logs/wood blocks = makes wood planks, which will make a crafting block. 3 planks and three wool = a bed)
if sheep cannot be found nearby... find the nearest hillside to tunnel into or gather enough dirt blocks, wood blocks, or cobblestone to make a quick shelter to while the evening away... or you can just take your chances with all of the zombies, skelies, spiders, creepers etc, that are going to come by and say hi to you. why risk it on the first day?
there is also the off-hand chance you might see a village right nearby you can then get to and steal a bedspace for the night. (you'l make the villager whose bed it is, sad, if you actually steal it... just sayin. consider the villager.) now, remember, this is 1.14.. not 1.10. so there are a couple of hazards you need to be aware of.

1) if you stay awake 3 or more nights in a row the undead fliers (called phantoms) will come swooping out of the night sky to get a piece of you... make sure you either gain a bed to sleep in, or a solid roof over your head with walls to keep things out.
2) the drowned. zombies will turn into drowned if in water long enough, and they can walk the land at night... as if that wasn't enough, there is also a chance they will spawn with a trident... which will mean a quick death if you arn't ready and well armored. (also bear in mind if trying to explore underwater... they can swim through a one block wide hole. so be careful.)
3) pillagers happen... and they have crossbows. (and you thought getting skewered by a skeli with a bow was deadly.)
4) zombie raids do happen around town. and theres a lot of them.. all at the same time.
5) those little green creepers explode in line of sight. big ouchies. (they dont seem to really mind the daylight either.)
6) dont look at the tall black endermen with the eyes and purple sparkles. (keep your cursor off of them or) they will find you, even if you are waaaaaay over there. if you do look at one, get under cover quickly! crouching to get under a leaf block or under a 2 or 2 1/2 block high overhang. hopefully they wont reach you with their long arms because they can hit really hard. bear in mind though, they may try tearing your shelter apart to get at you. (I once had one tear half my porch ceiling apart before i managed to kill it with my sword)
rule 7) there is no rule 7
8) cave spiders. found in abandoned mines. poison. quick as a wink, moves through one block spaces, and just all around baaad news. worst of the monsters imho.
9) sleeping in a bed in the nether or end is a mega explosive no-no! (especially if you are perched on a ledge above a lava lake.)

and a few good things..
1) spiders are generally non-aggressive in the daytime.
2) creepers and the phantoms are afraid of cats.
3) skeletons are afraid of wolves.
4) endermen are afraid of water/rain.
5) ring the town bell and the nearby villagers will typically panic and get behind a closed door.
6) fences (and stone 'walls') cannot be generally jumped over. (but for spiders)
7) there is still no rule 7.
8) blocks just above the waterline by a block space cannot be jumped up on from the water.
9) the torch is your friend. monsters will not spawn within its bright glow.
10) a pail of water is also your friend when in a pinch. washing monsters a few feet away for needed breathing room, for putting out fires (and lava).. and for scaring the bleep out of endermen. (see no,4 of this particular list)

useful things to know.
a) punching trees works. punching stone/cobblestone doesn't really. (i mean to say, you -can- but you wont get anything but for maybe bruised knuckles and wasted time from it)
b) a wood pickaxe gathers cobble and coal (I think)
c) a stone pickaxe will gather cobble, coal, and iron
d) an iron pickaxe will gather everything but obsideon.
e) a diamond pickaxe will gather any rock/gem
f) axes chop trees.. each type doing a better job of it, while lasting a long time.
g) this is pretty much the case for shovels and armor as well.
h) sand and gravel suffer from gravity effects.
i) generally, water flows... it will move into the block you just removed, down a hole you just created or around a waterlogged fence and down a hillside.
j) bubbles are often created by either a lava block or soulsand. the former drags you down, the latter pushes you up. they -can- destroy your boat...but at least you can breathe while in them.
k) crouching while on a lava block = no damage taken. walking on soulsand.. slower than slow.
L) kelp can be used as food or as fuel.
m) crouching, being still with the mouse, and having a raw cod in hand might just make a friend out of a stray town cat.
n) giving bones to a wolf might just make a good 4-footed friend as well.
o) fishing poles are a terrific tool to have on hand... using one not only catches fishies but enchantment books, leather, string, tags, and enchanted bows as well.

I can see for pages n pages

Considering a webpage "return", for simple lil comics and suchness. I'd like to add it here, just to keep things in one place.. but a blog isn't really of the format I'm looking for.. i dunno.. rusty brain on the subject makes for weak motivation or inspiration. ..still in loose-leaf thought process. to be continued..maybe.

a tidbit on my daily life...

I bought a vacuum. Hope it's a sturdy thing considering what I'm about to put it through...a whole bunch of years worth of carpet dirt/dust/bugs and cat hair.
and I got a new-to-me computer!! Ty Aztaro! Rana has a new home and I love her very much! <3
thankyou! look at all the space! and the graphics!..so much better! and and... she's just wonderful!

gamesgamesgames, the epicness continues

Yeah.. Minecraft is still in the portal picture for me. on the upside, I am enjoying peaceful mode, and keeping it shallow in order to learn a bit more about the pillagers... from outside the villages. I really rather like the new villagers.. and their trading updates, thank you, Mojang. on the downside, I still dont like the pillagers showing up on my front lawn and tormenting my sweety kitty, or in my sheep pen out back, although the wandering merchant has been fun. I really don't mind the llamas either... and I'm glad for the milk to wash down the bitter taste of those darn illagers.
I did figure the issue with my being unable to get into 1.14 btw. turns out, it -was- my graphics driver (yeas, the integrated one). it was saying the drivers were up-to-date, but really they had not updated since 2004 or something. I had to uninstall those old drivers, and force the computer to actually update to the new ones. so now, I can get into single-player snapshots and updates for longer than 5 seconds. I'm still having issues with the portal into realms though... boo. Feels like a familiar issue though... very familiar.

update: the portal to realms fixed itself. yay! also, they made the pillager patrols follow the same rules as the other mobs in minecraft. put down enough light, and they wont spawn there. double yay! now.. to figure out just why there was only one villager left in my first town. I know they were not terribly pleased with me, when i was there last. but did they all move away? I didn't see them arrive in the second village i had been roosting in... where did they all go?


Here's a small shout-out to a few other good portals (games) that i have gotten a quick chance to check out. These ones seem to work fine for low-end PC's, like mine, and I find them worthy of the time spent looking at them.
What do I consider low-end? well, anything below the GB I suppose. something that could be dl'd easily.. and played on my aged(read: a tinkerers dream for some.. and a nightmare to everyone else) win 7 nyvid pc. ie.. nothing special in power, space, or graphics.


Rimworld
yeah, ok, i know, it seems like such a graphic fail... but really, its a fine bit of enjoyment if your looking for a top-down time management style game. your three little people's crashland on a random planet, and they not only the need to survive... with all the crazy-arse animals biting at their heels, radiation, fire, or blighted wheat to make everyone jump to the emergency.. but they also need to thrive, with warring bands of tribes tromping through, tradesfolk, and mechmachine madness.. while learning new applications of workstations, keep the place healthy, happy, and clean, a bit of learned energy saving, some rocket science, and other such improvements in the effort to once more try to get off the planet. keywords: components, components, components. your going to need a whole lot of them... and that's just to be able to get to the point where you have a chance to be able to make them.

Stardew Valley.
You, like me, love the harvest moon games, right? well, here's one at least as good and in a lot of ways better. you don't -have- to be a farmer, but it sure helps. You don't -need- to mine, and a deep mine it is, but it sure is an enriched adventure. You don't have to marry either... but it connects you to the little town like not much else can. and all that is just scratching the surface. If you can, Give the creator some appreciative applause, its inspired and much deserved.

Graveyard keeper.
Get ready to laugh.. or at least a little muhahaha under your breath, at this one. there is this.. really confused... new graveyard keeper in the village... and a lot is expected of him, judging by the numerous quests he is ladled with from the start. another time-management sort... its worth the time spent just trying to 'catch-up' to the goings-on right there in the immediate area. corpses, talking skulls, a crazy donkey, and a guy who lives in a barrel as well. the need for improving the area, chopping trees, mining stone, defending against slimes and bats.. making chopping blocks and anvils to create better headstones and borders for the graveyard improvements.. making enough coin for a visit to the farmer for seeds, or for another whetstone, nevermind whats needed for better knowledge in which to make these things.. and this beast-o-burden of a 4-footed Godfather is demanding a bushel of carrots just for going this way and that on the road!

The colonists.
little self-aware robots are seeking a new home in their grand desire to live like humans, land on a random world, with likely prospects and take to building a home for themselves. Yet, another time management sort... this one is quirky but quite a bit of fun. especially with the little roadblock disagreements before the repavers are set in motion. The biggest worry, I have found thus far is.. limited surface resources. fortunately, you can move where you want the collections to be made. so if your woodcutter is clear to the left of the screen.. you -can- just ask them to cut into the forest on the right side of the screen... just might take a bit to get them to collect enough to do anything with. and I just love the names they give the various buildings. "shanta's workshop"

The Bard's Tale Trilogy "Remastered".
An old classic game once more brought to the front of the class and showing off the nicest improvements. you start with several characters in a snow-bound city with a quest to stop the bad-guy triggering all the snow! Wander the city, taking on random barbarians, mad dogs and the occasional skeleton mob while leveling up your group, enabling them to take on more dangerous creatures and the dark of the underground. and that's just the first of three games piled nicely into one.

Planetbase.
This game is a little like Rimworld.. and a whole lot like a game I recall... was called Space Colony. but instead of mostly improving the colony from the perspective of the characters, it's mostly from the perspective of the various 'upgrades'. adding more machines which would help improve the expansion of the colony from the local weather, meteors, and expected wear n tear. ...and yet, somehow, make room for traveling tourists.

other.. possible... lower-end time-management style games, if you are concerned about graphic limits.. (I haven't tried these games as of this posting.. as yet, anyway.. but i hope to sometime here.. well, but for Roller Coaster tycoon 2, which is the best of the series imo.)
Embark (like rimworld), Project Hospital, Prison Architect, Townsman, Rescue HQ, and Terraria.

There's also the higher-end games that really look interesting in general.. if your really -not- concerned about graphics limits and space. (again, haven't been there.. yet.. but maybe someday)

Staxel, Ark Survival Evolved, Dawn of Man, Far Cry Primal, Astroneer, Satisfactory, My Time in Portia, Simcity series, Subnautica, the Tropico series, Anno, The Sims 4 and its different installments, the elder scrolls: Skyrim, Fable, Dungeon Keeper, Alchemist's Awakening, Ghost of a Tale, Startopia, Bannished, Owlboy, Foundation,2-point Hospital, and Craft the World.


meanwhile... life goes on in the fantasy land of mabinogi. Kita is once more trying to update her mining skill.. ugh! Windmill is still fairly useless, even at rank 3, not much can be hit with it, and even when it does, it leaves the low level imps ready to kick her butt. the chain weapon is still the best of melee weapons... ok ok, nothing much compares to her twin glads.. plus a boost of speed from final strike.(except maybe the lag monster, whose daunting freeze spells that are a serious killer... and the changes they made to places like fido dungeon to 'make combat more even'.. they meant to say "deadly" to Kita.) They merged servers recently, so am now trying to wait patiently for them to give us a chance to get our names back from the doppelgangers from other servers. what a mess it is.

Remembered Bellyaching & Pesimism thats part of my nature..

you think you got it bad....

I just lllurrve getting ill before a fun time. (sarcasm included for free)
That has happened for like three years in a row now, and its still counting.
and i dont mean one of those annoying got-the-sniffles colds.. i mean the-sky-is-falling-over, kick-em-while-thier-down kind of illnesses... just before a major holiday.

last year,.. no, the year before that, someone close to me got angry with me, cuz she thought i was making it up. i felt death-at-the-door ill, the day before christmas. turned out to be a knock-me-over sicksick, complete with a tooth abscess all rolled into one.
three teeth abscessed that time.. got all three teeth pulled.(getting three teeth pulled in one area, at the same time, is something major to me, i dont have that many teeth to start with.)

(in my family, teeth are most certainly not a strength)

both momma and dad had falsies.
additionally, mom had hearing issues (thanks mom) and the great mugwumpus had hip issues (thanks dad) plus.. a cancerball was rolling about(ty gpa n gma) and major heart issues were/are a big thing. (ty gpapa)

this last year, i got sick.. horrible cold, i think, and my beloved meow died. great time to be alive.. or not. so far, my special seasonal time 'off' has been batting 104%

wooowy, what a life!

A game in Particular..

Minecraft... aquatic (1.13) has been a great version thus far. I'm loving the new books/enchantments and the underwater decor. But for the longest time, I have been frustrated by being unable to check out the new 1.14 snapshots being hailed as villages and pillages. my loony computer kept telling me the graphics drivers were up to date.. yet they were, as it turned out, about 4 years out of date. I finally updated my ninny intel graphics drivers and the game finally let me into the latest snapshot.. and before I knew it, most of my poor villagers had died.

The hills were alive and squirming with the sound of raiders.. and i'd only been in town .. nay, in the game, for about 4 days. Now, I hear, mojang artists gleefully going on about how the pillagers have learned how to open doors. heck, my poor villagers have yet to learn to run indoors when they are attacked! the golem died first thing, and after all that effort i took, trying to get him to come home from his hillside jaunt. even though, i had fences up, they still mananaged to t-port inside and I must have racked up quite a bad omen score because I had like 3 groups knocking things and villagers over and I had not even had the time to check out the villager trade system changes or find a spider to beat on for the string to make a bow with.

After all that...horror, I have come to the conclusion, we need an option to turn off pillagers... either that or I will be spending quite a bit more time hanging out in peacefull mode. sheesh

The only way for it, seems to be peaceful mode. even on easy I quickly get overrun with pillagers. even with walls up, the determened nasties pop up inside of the villages to wreck thier havoc on all but the peaceful mode. so setting traps outside the town only catches the traveling merchants and drives village prices into the omg mode. its either that or ignore all villages and do my best to secure against the patrols on my own. Which is really sad because I consider villagers the single best combat vs the game's general lonelyness. (if that makes any sense)

Well, here's hoping they either outlaw pillagers showing up inside villages or create a means of turning the pillagers off before the update officially launches. it's either that or i now have another reason to feel stuck in an old minecraft version.

Rainy days and... Saturdays.. Always gets me down

OK,  so rainy days,  and Saturdays,  don't usually get me down.  Usually,  rain is soothing to me..  But i have been suffering eye and sleep issues of late,  and it seems i have a constant companion in headaches. Still,  i muddle through somehow.
I have been trying to get back into ol mabi of late.. Feels a little lackluster though.. Prolly just my general attitude.  Today i am feeling a bit shuffled and marginalized...  Its been a trying week.
Theres always housework.. -.-
There is also youtube..  And minecraft.

I hear the next update is going to be a good one..  Not to say,  this last one wasn't... It's nice to see a little color and usefulness come to the ocean. The next one will deal with villagers. I'm hoping it means they too will become more colorful and useful. Unlike some of the builders i have seen on YouTube,  i find it difficult to build up a whole area without something like the villagers to enjoy it. Sure hope they give some defens-a-bility to the villager ai.. Like adding a guard or militia to the villages so they don't all become ghost towns before i can get to them.
I'm not so fond of the pillagers idea of the planned update.. It looked like they might do more than trample vegie patches and shoot at villagers (shooting at them is hard enough to defend against as it is) i sure hope they won't destroy fences and buildings.
Andandand!!!   They will also be updating stairs and slabs at long last!  Yay!! (Now,  to get them to update the window panes!) Hopefully this will be something we see before early next years planned update.

Update: well.. mojang is giving no love to the low-end computers.. they are removing the option of turning off vbo's (which is the only way i have been able to keep the game from crashing on me.. if not crashing my computer right along with it.) in efforts to "improve performance". thus far I have seen anything but. the latest snapshot wont run for me at all and i have to back up to the last release and turn off vbo's once more just to be able to play the game once again. sigh

well.. in some odd chance, they get it all worked out for the betterment of all, by its official release sometime in January, I have wandered around in my world fortifying the town fences. :D


Since I finally have the moment, I determined to see my way clear toward learning to make a nether hub... even though I suc at math, and its been a really confusing time of 2 days rl.. but think i finally got it... so here's how... in my own words for better understanding... by me.

A: make a portal. B. F3 to take down x - z coordinates to the portal. take the coords and divide by 8 for each one. if there's a negative - just transfer it to the new number (ie.. -428 x coord. 428 / 8 = 53 so -53 x coord in the nether) make sure you have enough obsideon for another portal, and flint n steel. C. enter the nether. D. crash your nether portal in and go looking for the nether equiv. of those coords you came up with. E. once at your coord (go straight up for a safe(r) hub area), make another portal. F. go through. you should appear where your original portal in the over-world is. you are linked. if you screw it up.. youl likely appear wherever in the over-world... try not to screw it up. if you are up -far enough- in the nether, you shouldn't have to make steps or anything... nor will you have to make blocks under your feet to walk on. (the number for Y is totally ignored btw. just go about your merry way as if it didn't exist.)

Ugh! & b-day wishes

Supposed to be a special day and i think i caught a summer cold. (Sniff) stuffy,  runny nose,  sneezing,  headache, weepy tired eyes,  feeling rather bleh.  It figures,  don't it? I'm fine all the rest of the past several weeks, but today,  when i really need to feel fine and i got the achoos. (Sniff) geez... Need to lie down again.... Where's the tissue box?  Grumble,  kofkof.

Out for the moment but still in for the battle

Surviving the dog-dayz of summer once again. Flippin cactus flat heat waves are too much for a lowly kitty o' the mountains to handle.. Whew!! I miss the higher altitudes!!

Been a few changes in living of late,  and the heat even makes the tolleratable adulting rl stuff a serious strain... And other than the occational hissing of my complaints,  the place is filled with the constant sawing of zz's.... Its still better than it was in the not so distant past.. And its cooler as well.

I watched a fun movie.. brace of movies? That have given me a new favorite.  Reminiscent of a big ol giant king of monsters with a horrid case of atomic halitosis.. Enough to make me squeal with fan-girl excitement,  is Pacific rim. (1&2) The kaiju are on the rampage and it's up to the intrepid humans with their giant yeagers to stem the tide. Check it.  Great movie.  :)

Been playing minecraft modded 1.12 of late. Yeah,  i know 1.13 is (finally) out now.. But i wanted a chance to see some of the newer(well,  new to me anyway) mods for 1.12.. especially as I'm not sure when/if some of these mods are gunna update for 1.13... Considering ala changes. Hoping they do.  Not that i have anything against the straight 'vanilla' update..  The additions of the drowned and the phantom are fairly exciting..
But since i have been woefully slow on learning the the different aspects.. (Very slow).  Just getting started on enchanting and slowly getting brave enough to step tippytoe into the nether.) I figure i'll just take my time getting into the new update. Yeah... That's it... Just take my time.. Yeah.  Loving the building aspect though.  My only frown would be.. No changes to the window panes?? You like all those pixely gray streaks? I mean OK.. The 'preview' had a cruddy change to the cobble texture..  (And really,..  Still no stairs for the dorite?? Really?? Aww comeon, Mojang!! You put the purty white stuff in the game with the dorky-lookin patterned cobble... and andisite and..the pink granite! (That plainly goes with n a d a!). The least you could do is give it/them stairs, walls/fences and slabs like the cobble has! ) ... The changes suggested in the preview was a good one for the window glass. You could actually see through it! And here we are in1.13 and it's that grey pixelated glass texture again.  Ok,  fine..  So make that 'preview' resource pack work for the update then..  Ill live with the patterned cobble for a chance to actually see through the windows!
I reciently learned of the value for the mending and looting enchantments.. However did i live without them?!!  What a wonderful addition to my fishing rod and sword!! Now.. Will mending work on my sword?.. Will looting.. Or is it fortune.. work on my axes? So exciting!!

How goes my japanese self-study,  do i hear you ask?  Well...  Interresting you should ask... Kinda.   A little discouraged,  i think.  Feeling once again that I'm not -really- getting anywhere. Can't seem to remember stuff i feel i should have, by now. So backing away a bit... Again.  I have gone through this before,  and managed to recover my motivation,  so long as i don't go totally hands-off. (I got halted into reflection by a double negative sentence, which goes against the grain of -a lot of- growing up grammar learning.)

That is about it for now.. Think i need a cat nap... It's so ooo quiet here...

Once again now, .. one and a two..

I'm trying to see change,  by changing my attitude.. Thoughts.  Still difficult to see,  at times,  but i am seeing it.. Little bit by little bit. Very subtle.. But yes.. Things are changing.. Maybe just my perception.. But that's OK... It's still change to me.

Trying to define the English lang still flusters me at times.. Today I'm caught on... In 2 weeks vs the week after next. (Or even the week after the next one) to me they are pretty much all the same thing. Just saying the week after the next one is a fancy long-winded way to say in 2 weeks. To me, a week is simply a block of time ... 7 days. It doesn't indicate a certain day or the start of the week,  .. It's just a 7 day block of time.  2 weeks is simply that. 2 of those 7 day blocks of time.  So when i hear someone say that something is happening the week after next.. I think,  ah,  it's in 2 weeks.
And i follow that thought with,  it's not rocket science after all. So,  it kind of boggles my mind when someone says they are not the same thing. How can that be true? Unless they think it means in 3 weeks.. Not this week, not next week,  but the week following that next week... -.- but that's just annoyingly splitting hairs.

its funny... ok, not really

you struggle and struggle to drag yourself out of the ratrace pit, you try so hard for months.. years even. scratching and clawing, then just when it seems you are at the bitter edge... something gives and you fall... straight back into the same exact dark place you just crawled out of. why does it always happen? is there really such a thing as cursed? am I really? why cannot I not see something different, some actual progress? why must I always fall straight back into the same exact space?

what must I do to avoid falling into the same spot? how do i change the outcome? what am I doing wrong?

I'm getting tired of seeing the same-o everytime. I need a change badly. I have given up sooo much already. I even tire of the sad state of me at times like this. it isn't much wonder I've grown rather bitter and cynacle. its the same thing again, only without my buddy... my poor sweet meow is gone.

and Where's my Silver Platter?!!!