oahh its a fairytale!

~Fairytale~
by Alexander Rybak





~Oah~
by Alexander Rybak




------

Listening to: See vids above.
Reading: not much
Current Show: Leverage and Psych
Feeling: ehh
Internet Tabs: Mabi, Facebook
Obsessing Over: whys
Current Rant: Just how much I detest being bit! Meekin Chiggers!

The Drama bus stops here & the King just disembarked

Before you say I toja-so.. I'll say, you probably right. Seems my heart is quite good at getting me into trouble, intended, conscience or otherwise. Everyone warned me.. they all said it was done with when he first dropped it all onto my head. I know. I cried and agonized and cried some more over it all, then thought... maybe, just maybe.. we could still be friends... if i work harder at guarding myself.. to distance myself should I feel trouble in the making... and just when I started to relax, thinking it could maybe work, and I was fairly happy... it all happened again. Somehow he turned everything around, twisted it, and threw it into my face. So yeah.. ok.. I know it for real now. the boy has mental issues, 'broken' and victimized by his own warped will. and while I can handle a great deal, simply for the sake of friendship... I can't handle this one anymore. He has gone and torn us apart once again..and this time.. I don't think there's any hope of retrieval... even as I can still feel my tendency to support him.. hoping it was just a tantrum. He can be a loving fun personality, but his mood-shifts are out of control, he is volatile, with a whiplash temper at the most unexpected of times. I can do without his sudden verbal abuse.
I -am- greatly saddened by the whole mess... and by the loss of, what I considered, a precious friendship. All of this was due to my attempting to apologize for thinking I stung with my words.(I responded in kind when he said he thought I was the moodiest person he had ever met.)

In words of those whose sage advice I hear with a bit more clarity today.. "You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em. Know when to walk away, and know when to run." -The Gambler

This is me... walking away... at last.



Listening to: the soft purring of a cat
Reading: not much..makes my eyes really hurt.
Current Show: none
Feeling: sad
Internet Tabs: Facebook
Obsessing Over: none
Current Concern: wondering how much longer I will be staying with Facebook (and Mabi?), and where I should go next. Thinking I might be needing an indefinite break.

urghishness!

Make the World go away
by Hank Cochran.. sung by Elvis :P



Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Do you remember when you loved me
Before the world took you away
Well if you do, then forgive me
And make the world, make it go away

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Now I’m sorry if I hurt you
Let me make it up to you day by day
And if you will please forgive me
And make the world, make it go away

Make the world go away
Get it off my shoulder
Say the things we used to say
And make the world, make it go away

Please?
------------

Been another drama day for me. After all the hubub and dust settles once again, I am left feeling. oddly down. Not.. bored and depressed exactly. just... down. Not sure just what to do about it yet. Maybe the feeling will just go away on its own, do you think? A person can always hope, I suppose.

Touhou - Bad Apple

What wonderfully talented shadow art!

Touhou Project - Bad Apple
feat. Nomico

another damp day in the heat of the moment

Happy Mothers day to all you moms out there!

The weather where I am, is going on summer steam. Somehow it still feels like its early for such a thing. Maybe it's just the typical dread of the summer months getting to me. I hear it's still snowing in places in the north. Wish I was there already. well, maybe it will rain and cool things down a little. A person can always hope, I suppose.

Don't you just hate it when a company or group, makes for a mandatory password change, then changes the 'secret' question to requiring some other bits of information that you cannot hope to remember.. all without saying a word? This has happened to me just recently. and for the life of me, I cannot figure on just how to rectify the problems this has created.

In other thoughts, I was speaking to a friend of mine last evening, who was lamenting about the past and how things have changed.. wishing and missing.
She added that it's kind of funny how you run to a game or something, hoping to get away from reality's drama... and before you know it, drama is created within the game. now, the whole deep thoughts concerning drama aside, I can agree with her. It's almost hard to believe that so much time has passed, that things should change enough to make me miss how things were. (Pardon the muddled thoughts getting in the way of my trying-to-be-clear sentences.)
I do miss a few things even within the world of my current online home.

I miss how things seemed so fresh and new.. with new people/friends/experiences around every corner. The fun I had running all over the place. Its almost...like.. cant quite put my finger on just what in particular has changed.. something I didn't notice until it was gone, I guess... or is it just me?

I used to love any excuse for a celebration.. the otter was my totem..
anymore though, I'm starting to wonder if it has changed to the badger. Just want to be left alone in my grumbling misery. What changed? Why? How might I get that spark of life back again?

ehhh my eyes hurt.

Listening to: Ace of Base
Reading: not much
Current Show: Star Trek Voyager
Feeling: grumblish
Internet Tabs: Mabi
Obsessing Over: whys
Current Rant: ...

In the company of Boober..

When I was really little, my big sis had this rabbit. It had to have been the biggest rabbit ever seen... and for some reason, it thought it was a dog. Boober wasn't the rabbits original name, I don't believe... but my mother caused a change after a neighbor thought she was yelling out that she was in love with him.. as she was trying to call in the rabbit. (I did mention he thought he was a dog, right?) anyway, so boober was his name. It was something of a nasty-tempered rabbit to most.. except to me. boober and I were like the best of friends.. I'd tow him around in typical little kid fashion, lay on him, maul and bowl him over and he didn't seem to mind in the slightest. my brother couldn't even get close to him though, or boober would chase him... all teeth and claws. I am to this day, thankful that he was such a big rabbit, better able to withstand the abuse of little kidlett attention. He was, for a 4-footed sort, my bestest buddy for a time there. his demise came at the paws of a surprise dog pack ambush. I still miss him.

lol quote

Captain Janeway to Lt Kim... "Mr Kim. we are Starfleet officers, Weird is part of the job." Star Trek: Voyager Season 2, Episode 21

---

Health care.. Whatever is he thinking?!

I have been hearing a lot of pro's and con's of the new health idea of our wondrously elected leader of late. Now, on the one hand, I can see the value of overhauling the whole health deal... it's a needed time for it.

On the other hand though.. Forcing people to pay for insurance or suffer a yearly fine.. is this really the way to go? Its not very constitutional, is it?
(9th and in particular, the 10th amendment.. "The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people." *link here* and "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.")*link here*

It certainly doesn't give a single benefit for those of the "lower class" system... think homeless here... or self-styled or even those self-employed. if you are living hand to mouth.. you cannot afford insurance.. not even on a 'reasonable' sliding scale.. how are you supposed to afford the fees for not having it? what becomes of those country folk that cannot handle anything more then keeping themselves fed and relatively warm and dry? how does this 'new health' idea plan to deal with the needfully non-payers? and what of those here 'illegally'? yes, I know.. it is a good way to discourage those sorts, but what if there's an emergency? what if said illegal or homeless gets run-over and is bleeding on the sidewalk? I'm told that under this new 'mandatory' insurance idea, none would be turned aside for health care... but what of those without it? Will they be turned-aside because they don't have the bucks for the insurance?

The idea of making someone pay for possible life injury (car insurance to cover possible accidents)is one thing, after all, some of us do not drive, and therefor don't have to have the insurance to cover a possible accident. But making someone pay simply for being alive is totally something else, especially if it is a requirement to pay a private company such as what health insurance is.

All in all, this seems to be taking the future down a considerably darker road then many might realize. This idea is so chok-full of holes it is bound to sink at the first sign of real rain. I have never before seen such a sloppy idea get pushed into law.. and hope I never do again.. but then, I suppose its a sign of things to come, isn't it?


Listening to: Basshunter
Reading: News
Current Show: Star Trek Enterprise
Feeling: a bit worn out
Internet Tabs: Blogs in general
Obsessing Over: Finding scam-less online work
Current Rant: You just read it.

More on the drama life

It seems Kt did get the idea.. of sorts, but 'couldn't help himself' in understanding just what the glaring 'Hands-off' sign was trying to convey and he frightened me off. Then, as a bonus... he got a threatening note from mr K. I guess that's the end of that friendship. Maybe just as well. I may not be easily frightened by such idiotsy, but that guy creeped me out in a major way.

It was really nice to hear mr K say that although he knew he couldn't tell me who to or not to speak with, he would protect me. I took that as a reflection on the past issues I had with mr Tf.. who couldn't seem to figure out just why I would want to be friends with someone he didn't get along with. And for that, I was rather flattered.

Speaking of mr Tf... He as done a lot of tacking of late. first going this way, then that in the general breeze of our friendship. and to think, I was just starting to get a bit more comfortable in the way things are too. One moment he's all happy and sweet ripples.. and the next he snaps as sharp as an accusing ice flow... then, while I'm still swamped from that... over the last several days of silence... he goes on to being the overboard confessing kind. I'm starting to feel rather water-logged from all the choppy surf here.


I have been feeling rather restless, bored and depressed of late.. not sure just why that is. I do hope I can shake it off soon. Maybe it's the 'sidewalk-stomping' woes.

Listening to: Smile.dk
Reading: not much atm
Current Show: Star Trek tng/Enterprise
Feeling: blehhish
Internet Tabs: facebook, youtube
Obsessing Over: how low I feel, I guess
Current Rant: nothing in particular



Btw...

Happy Easter!

more of the drama life... and a new land, perhaps

been kind of a low odd week for me, glad the week is over, hope the weekend plays host to better plan for the weeks ahead.

Happy to see that mr. Tf has returned to things.. even as I was also happy to see him head for the dreamingtime a bit early. grouchy. sheesh! Hope he's feeling more rested tomorrow. He can be a lot of fun to be around when he's feeling good.

Finally got around, somehow, to telling mr Kt pointedly, the thing he apparently missed on the first several times through. at which point he stopped speaking with me. I felt badly for the loss of a friendship... I do hope it was for the best for all concerned tho. Something about him seriously bugged me. he made me sooo uncomfortable to be around.

mr. K got a bit... upset by the news.. but hopefully he got over it quickly and completely with all the convo that ensued.

So glad I had my sis's support. hehe it really causes smiles to think I can call someone so very cool such a thing. Very Valuable friends to me... both she and her rl sis. I feel pretty fortunate. I had a total blast this evening jumping on the new event teeter-totters with her. I Was really amazed we jumped all the way to the moon to see the huge moon bunnies and the chick-sized cows. Unfortunately, poor sis forgot to speak with the head honcho of town first. we tried a restart, but by then, I was lagging so badly, and was so sleepy.. we didn't get very far. but! we shall endeavor to try again! After all, we got there once. so we know its possible.

Ran into an old 'gf' while visiting the moon. I'm glad she is still about the general area. She seemed in lots better spirits then when last I saw her. somehow I think she has a connection to bro.. maybe an ex? well, i don't think it was the one I met her with that time next to the hay pile north of town. she said she left that one. that he was abusive to her.

I know I said I would give mr. Tf a hand tomorrow.. if i'm around when he wants my help.. still, I am thinking of sneaking in for some spam runs of the clover dungeon tomorrow.. and work my fingers off with potions. I keep meaning too.. and keep getting interrupted/sidetracked/derailed. not that I minded the friendly intervention really. love to do things with friends.. but sometimes.. there just isn't enough time to do all of that with others, and do for me too.

Other side of that moonpie..
I slipped through another portal one day not too long ago. and it took me to a rather odd world... like old tyme tech. lol! I landed on my two feet (yay! not a pooch this time!) and looked around me. great clouds of steam rose overhead and the metallic clanging was almost too much to bear. It took quite a bit for me to get my bearings. there really wernt any helpful people or signs apart from a few souls who seemed mostly interested in my killing several large bunnies for them. I was eventually pointed to a 'garden' and it was suggested I run around in there for the experience I needed. I didn't like it though. there was a strip of relatively 'safe' land all around a barren center, within which people could be seen pursuing others like highway banshees. Most of the people, save a few, were either highly-aggressive opportunists or/and outright rude.

So I found a strange water-traveling contraption and quickly left the area. Amazingly enough, as it turned out, that place was actually the spit of a small island 'hunter' resort. with a little trepidation and a great deal of jubilation, I zipped from town to town, fulfilling quest after quest.. there's a great deal to this place! only a small note of caution.. be careful when dealing with a landwhale's heart. there are some naaasty Mous's in there! (mosquitoes of unusual sizes!) and even if you are thinking you can handle the surrounding walkers n chomper's, these things will drain yer courage dry just by looking at them for the first.. and even the second time!

nother one..

Bulbous Bouffant



Written by The Vestibules.

some more good vids

Domo Domo Domo
by Smile.dk



Hibi no neiro "Tone of Everyday"
by Sour

new years blues?

aww crap. I think I still love him. *headdesk**headdesk*

randomish quote from thee one and only King Otthawk, "No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace! The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it, yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in darkness, could we but see. And to see, we have only to look."

"Here's some simple advice: Always be yourself. Never take yourself too seriously. And beware of advice from experts, pigs, and members of Parliament." -Kermit

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." -Agatha Christie

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." -Mark Twain


Listening to: Basshunter
Reading: Its not easy being green...and other things to consider.
Current Show: nothing
Feeling: sad, chilly(its cold out), and reflective.
Internet Tabs: BrightShadow
Obsessing Over: heartbreak grumbles and moving woes.
Current Rant: see above.

Nother anime/manga ...

Skip Beat


Ren Tsuruga

A shōujo manga with a first season listed in anime.
Story of a rather idealistic young girl being given a rude awakening by a childhood friend with his sights set on topping the music charts. In an effort to gain revenge, she gets signed up with a rival agency to become an actress.

__________

Toradora


Ryūji and Tiaga

The plot is a bit like Lovely Complex, which I saw first. its another "highschool" shōujo story about two mismatched students who decide to help one another gain their respective love interest's attention... only to discover they loved eachother best.
__________

Code Geass


Lelouch

Great series.. with a rather sad ending. This one is about a group of school students caught up in the struggle of superpowers and self-identity.. as well as those who possess the power of Kings and its widespread influence upon people.
All in all, its a bit like the tale of V. I'd watch this one again. Zero FTW!

bah!

"So this is Christmas, and what have you done
Another year over, and a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas, I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one, the old and the young"
-John Lennon

The Christmas season is upon us all once again, and I feel none of its glow. not even a glimmer really of supposedly happy anticipation for opening gifts on Christmas day (or eve, if that's how you do it) for seeing relatives you haven't seen in a long time, over great feasts, joyful chatting and game playing. I feel not a single iota and I wonder to myself just how long things have been thus for me, to struggle to find so much as a smile and having to 'fake joy' for others to see so they don't demand to know what could be wrong. I guess I can rather identify with scrooge's state of mind this year. I'm sure its all of this dreading and waiting getting to me.

"What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen of months presented dead against you?" -A Christmas carol

well here it is... and then some.

just for informations sake.. the guy I mentioned battling with a few posts back or so.. has ended. I felt forced into making a decision really. I feel I was given an ultimatum. and as we -all- know, those -never- go well. I could either be happy with his continued treatment of me... or I could walk away. I honestly didn't want to do it... nor could I continue with the way things were. And even after it was done.. he still had opportunity to get in touch with me.. to work it out.. if he cared enough to give it a try... even for friendships sake. Obviously I wasn't worth the effort to him any longer. A part of me hopes he enjoys his new love.. and part of me hopes she is smart enough to realize he is trying to pull her away from her own bf with his charm... and kicks him to the floor of realization.

My own life has gotten hectic. I am due to have moved in another week or so. I still don't want to have to.. and I still have no other recourse. So if I become.. well.. really scarce online over the next.. ohh idunno year?! sorry.. at least youl know where I got to. For those of my friends who perhaps consider me worthy enough to continue to know, email me once in awhile. k? I will find the time and space for at least that.


oh.. and Merry Christmas.

another update

My apologize for being fairly uncharacteristic of late. My life is going through a bit of turmoil this holiday season. Funny how this kind of thing seems to happen around this time every year...hmm.. sensing a pattern here. Well, in spite of such insanity, I still am most thankful for my friends, for without such valuable friends, it all would seem so much more overwhelming and devastating to me.

Tars, krunch, wolf, green, mesh, mousey, darks, hina, fram, kori, molly, mork, dawn, Ros, masu, and a ton of new friends on fbook lol! Thanks you all for being such wonderful friends of mine!

Merry Christmas Yall!

Giving Thanks

Things I am thankful for.

God, the great spirit that created all of this.
hot running water and the clouds in the sky.
the caring of a good solid friendship.
being able to see mountain vistas as well as the high-rises of big cities and the expanse of working farmlands of the country.
being able to hear bird song as well as all the different styles and expressions of music in the world!
fuzzy kitties and graceful strong horses.
family, both the good and the not-so-good.
Being able to learn from mistakes.

Couldn't hope to be able to post everything.

Hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving weekend!

How Far

How Far
by Martina Mcbride

There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks
I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh never come back

There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh when's it gonna end

[Chorus:]
How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say ..how far

There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave
Oh, what's it gonna be

[Chorus]

Out of this chair, or just across the room
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say
YeahI'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say ..how far

Pomplawha?

Hail Mary
by Pomplamoose



Mister Sandman
by The Chordettes
Sung by Pomplamoose
--------------


'So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.'
Matthew 7:12

What I'd like to know is, what happens should they do unto you in ways you would rather they not, even after all you have done unto them? Does karma eventually run over their dog or something?
--------------


Listening to:
see above
Reading: A Christmas Carol
Current Show: 'Vampire Diaries' and 'The Guild'
Feeling: sorrowful and pissed
Internet Tabs: Runes of Magic
Obsessing Over: realization of heartbreak and moving woes.
Current Rant: too many to want to type them all out.