another day, another space.

Think im finally getting kinda used to it. Its not the best side of life in the no-zone..its not even close to it, but its amazing what one will put up with really, just to continue standing upright. Even as i still kind of empathize with the so sad dude in the tent. What a huge pile of dead lemons... not even worthy of lemonade. And yet.. the portal is still there. I can still make out its promise by its electric purple glow and swirl. Just seems really lonely atm and i dont want to take it. Last moment jitters before the plunge into icy waters, i suppose. So i keep on keeping on..hoping for something a little better. Heres to tomorrows hope!

Today, darks and i descovered,that someone has land-grabbed our village at blue portal. I first questioned chat as to the rules related just how far away from another claim one needs to be. They insisted one block. So i flipped by orange to speak with loopy.. but she was leaving and sent another, Zy, to do the job in her place. Zy suggested we send the interloper a msg and ask them to vacate. Zy said if they refuse well just have to expand in one of the other directions. (Since they are within 100 blocks.. and was on earlier that day.)  We sit at the edge of a plains biome, facing a whole lot of ice spikes. I was diapointed to hear that, about having to expand into the ice again.. (I think i was also having a rather cruddy day) having run head-first into my expectations, i pretty much packed up on blue, rather like i felt like doing on green portal. It wasent the day to be in the portals at all, i suppose. I was at low energy as it was and i was straining to maintain my neutrality. So i left blue then..darks was giving me a "who cares" aditude..which prolly should have been my m.o. as well but, damn it all! I did care! I was pissy!. So i moved over to green to sulk a bit and what to my wondering eyes should apear but a huge ugly wall just beyond my claim. Fog claimed his reason was he had found a trials chamber, and did some mining. I had the thought that i should just delete claim and go find another spot. But..instead, i went to mangrove base and added to the claim there. Darks and i were on different sides about that spot. She left it before i did. And confessed she wasnt going to stay next to the wall...maybe visit once in awhile but not stay. So atm.. im thinking of unattaching claim to both blue and green portals. Sigh.. i dunno.. guess ill just let go of the village the clear most of my sweet house in the snow and let it sit awhile.

Have to give the mangrove another look. Maybe clear it out a bit.. prepare it to be abandoned.

another day of summer heat.

Feeling a tiny bit sorry for myself today..i just spent several days alone and the moment i have to excercize my voice (to talk) with someone in the  room with me, i get the oh gawd, roll-eyed, long suffering look, complete with sigh.. And they headed off again, saying little to me. And im back to being alone again. I guess i dont have anything of any worth to say. Either that or somebody is being a crappy friend.  Maybe both. My eyes hurt as well.. which hasnt improved my mood. Happy day indeed.

continuing drama

      Same sort of situation in a different spot. At least the wrapping looks a little different. Starting all over again still smarts.. and even the new portals are making me think again, if its worth the look-see.

I read a short story the other day. It started out simple and grey and before i realized it, it got all mud-bogged. It wasnt a very good story really.  It was about two best friends and a third, who they both thought was such a good friend at first, who sowed seeds of hate between them. And who ended up blackmailing and defrauding them both while they blamed eachother for the problem and the loss. In the end, with thier very lives at stake, only then, that they realize the truth of it all.

Its was bad at the start and only seemed to get worse and worse as the story went on. You can just imagine the ending before it did.

Adressing a concern.. Dude! You were doing so well!  But the %'s  were a terrible tell. How disapointing you are.. such high hopes too. Now i hear you saying this is the right path, but im not the only one able to tell its not what wed agreed upon. What happened to you? You sound like them now. You give thier talking points the highest numbers when you know thats not what you said when you got the job. You just..changed your mind...viewing that as more important than anything you promised.. without even talking it over first?!! What kind of 'stick to yer guns,' is that? In with a deturmened roar and out with a cluck. You cant even claim now to be doing better than the guy you replaced...because you are sounding as bad as him right now. Maybe worse. Because you arnt even pretending to hold the line.. you folded like a weak cardboard chair. And to think, i was still of the mind to support your struggle with comprimise until i saw your idea of  percentages asked for. Thats pretty low. I can see why peoples are pretty upset with you now.

*Humphs and steps off the soapbox, kicking spilled kittylitter everywhere as she does so*

Also got a call from someone i rather value.. i didnt catch the call and.. they should call back. Altho a part of me doesnt want to hear what its about. The only real reason, i can think of, that this person would reach out to me, like this, is if the news is bad.

 I fell on my butt, financially, about a year or so ago, and am only just now back up to a low crawl. Cant aford to stop everything to go deal with bad news right now. I'll drown!

Aahem... Other news is.... Yeah.. a new spot... New wrapping. Trying to not burn out the portal. Keeping busy has gotten ...dull, tho.

I found an old portal and reconnected with it from a new spot. I have seen a few neigbors that were not there before.. not sure if they are active tho. I have raised a few walls, added a little farm and cleared a few trees. I even added a few tree tops to the hilltops and a couple sheep to make noise so it doesnt seem so lonely. Not sure what else to do really. Just... Keep going, i guess.

Its at times like this, that i hear the sirens most clearly. Should run from sirens, right? Ive ever been the sort of person who detests being where she isnt wanted anyway. Where to go though? I mean really. Its down to the pickle and the dead fish.

You ever get the 'waiting in a holding pattern' .. feeling?  I seem to feel that most of the time these days. Im growing ssoo tired of waiting...

Merry and Chris the Mouse

 Happy happy Tiz the season! ... This year is pretty much a day like any other, to me anyway. Somehow that seems to be the way it goes in recent years.  

well.. maybe it was just getting underway. 

maybe i should hide before thing -really- get going.

christmas was basic but really nice, in a lowkey kind of way.

New years was a dashing disaster zone. sure hope thats not indicative of the whole year to come.

never the less.. Ive the mood (likely in spite of my annoying keyboard) to write. I came across a rp posting-board that reminded me of forgottenworld times...and a small village with some strange and yet comfy? townfolk. so guess i could just start anywhere really. mght need to consider where to put it though... hmm

A question in thought

 Scanning the news earlier, someone had asked. Name something you are tired of. It didnt take much time at all to come up with several answers to that one. jumping to immedant thought was,how tired of this laptop skipping letters, n spite of my best efforts to be clear as to which letters i am pressing... i still have to go back over every other sentence with a corrective eye. so, beyond the usual typos, im sayng a quick frustrated sorry for all the missing ''i"s and spaces.

ahem..'m tired of all the struggle for day to day living going on. especially at the low level i am on. Soo many people are struggling for smple necessities, like a loaf of bread or  a living day to day wage. there are no real jobs for the unsklled that pays enough to even support the day to day. ts not a wonder there are whole cities of homeless.especially those with an actual tent. seriously. and those cities are growng every day, more and more people are filng in, having no other where to go, starving, and destitute. and to think, ts not just where i am, but all over the world. what brought us to this..new low in the burden of existence? I'll bet you can make a pretty good guess. how are we to fix it, I wonder. Its enough to make a person very paranoid me-thinks.

.........

In other thoughts. new game to talk about. Sun Harvest. its a farming game only..a whole lot more. ts often compared to a great game called Stardew Valley.and i can certainly see why. it has, soo many skills/professions.. like exploring, mining, crafting, combat, tailoring,cooking, questing, carpentry, a moving and engaging storyline as well as farming. if you likr farming games,check out the Sun Harvest gameplay on youtube sometime. its well worth the effort to look.

In Comment? no comment -.-

 Had a conversation the other day that got me thinking. It was a conversation about the new leader in chief.. of the 'free' world. I was told the person was an a-whole.. and the worstest in the business. I simply couldn't agree. The reason was not because of the name-calling.The fellow probably IS an a-whole... certainly I don't think he would make a good friend. but... because being a leader n chief has little to do with a personality, and everything to do with his ability to lead.. His polices are what makes the job.and if nothing else, he has proven that his policies work well for everyone he leads. he has put a check on all who have and would take advantage of us. he has shown the world strength and a united solidarity and independence that might have made past leaders pleased of the accomplishments. many others looked up to us.

In comparison, his opposite may just be the nicest sounding guy on the planet, but his policies have proven, hes no-one's hero. His policies have led us into a horrible spot on the world stage.He has drained our resources nearly dry and has given nearly all of our hard earned assets away. and when he couldn't get all of us to agree with him, he encouraged new peoples to come.. friends, enemies, legitimate and not. We didnt know any of them,they overran the border,and when we complained that there were terrorists and cartels, rape, and trafficking, and deadly drugs, he ignored us and further put the screws on, by going all soft on wrongdoers, and letting them out to roam the streets. His policies and spending, started the rise to the economy.. making good jobs that would support peoples living, harder to find by making everything more expensive to get while still keeping stiff competition with all the newcomers. many people have lost much if not all, and have been driven to destitution and desperation by these policies.

and this person sits there and tells me the a-whole is the worst? I'm sorry. i think not.When it comes down the the core of the issue I'd rather an a-whole with good solid policies that work for the benefit of those he leads, than a nice guy with beyond crappy policies that don't work and knowing he couldn't benefit the people he's leading if they were all standing right dab in front of him dressed in rags and pleading. 

Just look at him people!

The bloody emperor has no clothes!!.

why is it, when friends figure out you didnt follow thier own viewpoint about something, they suddenly no longer wish to really talk with you?i mean, other thanthat one thought, you get along fine. and  this one thing only being a talking point and not something earth shattering. I just think friendship is more important than this. am i the only one who thinks so?  change my mind.

Edit 2 .... Ok.. should i learn to no longer open my mouth when im trying to be light in a dark space with a friend?

Think i just got blocked for a well and fun-intentioned ribbing mid conversation.

Laughing at ones-self and Drago Noka

One step at a time, right? baby steps. 

Ok thankfully you don't have to read through each of the gimps (laptop) crazy word/sentence smashes before I then go back and iron out again. Having nothing else for it, A fair bit was done in the online Minecraft World I have found myself stuck in of late. 

 I have been working rather diligently on a village I have dubbed Meepsburg. The village originally had 2, just two, villagers, with about maybe 4 buildings when it was first come across. A tiny little fishing spot situated between three biomes, with a huge rift right through the middle of the space. Farmers attempting to use the farm plot where falling into the rift.. which was a crack n the lands surface created by a nearby volcano who had, some years before the village, settled into pumping a constant and consistent flow of lava into the underground caverns. 

The first thing on the agenda therefor, was to somehow make the hill safe to travel on. Once fences were up and the remaining villagers, were prevented from joining prev neighbors at the bottom of the narrow cliffs and into the vast underground network of caverns, work was started on development. Houses were erected, A small smithy was created, a safe crop farm was put in place and a storage room was shoveled out of the hill. 

Over time, the village grew and became a town. It developed a bit of an import/export business on one side.. 

District 1 brought forth an abundance of food and wood created in the rich soil. on the other side, 

District 2, known area-wide for its desert market, and offering bounties of its rich underground minerals mining trade. 

The main village and hub of the now bustling town had developed its paper trade and a port, where most of the seafaring traders docked. At the end of the refurbished dock, was an eclectic inn and tavern, situated near the lighthouse..A hot spot for sailors and merchants to relax away the evening hours. Near the storage room, is a tall building, occupying the rift area, which houses the alchemists, cartographer, and potions/brewing room (serving both the inn and the market). This effectively replaced the town's previous all-things-magical witch's tower of previous times, located on the hill. Its a serious wonder the dilapidated building is still standing having outlived its owner long ago. 

 

There has also been discovered a new old offline portal to a place called Drago Noka. Its a splendid little builder with what has to be the most confusing set of directions and how-tos(there are few to no how-tos or help for this one) on.. just about all of it but the theme story... living on the back of a turtle dragon. I am going to have to show you the notes I have gathered at some point, on this one, as it is a terrific little building game, and worth the effort, i think, to make a basic tips and useful help page for the entirely lost, like i have been..😆

Drago Noka 

If you are trying to play the game and are lost, Hope these tips help as there isn't a whole lot of information out there and there doesn't seem to be at all in the game. I have heard that Switch is really the platform to play this game effectively on.

ok.. finding things out as i go along. 

There is no Mouse support so I have to use the keyboard.This is my setup.I will use these keys to explain how to find and do things in the game. 

C on the keyboard is set to "confirm". this key lets you talk to the villagers. C will open a chest/box and will also move -one item- in a stack into or out of the chest 

X key is "sub" it will 'use' your tools..(which are on numbers 1-9 +0.) also X will, when looking in a box, move -all- of a stack into or out of the chest inventory. X and arrow keys together will roll/drag ore. 

Z will 'Cancel' and it will open 'options' menu. giving you (along with use of the arrow keys) access to your notebook saves, tools, building, management, housing etc. menues. Z will also list villagers and Mimimi's general tasks/request lists. 

Q and E will cycle through your hotbar of tools. 

 Arrow keys are used for walking direction and choosing something on the game's options wheels. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

The drill is hard to figure out. Set it up outside, wait for the -full- count downto end. then remove drill and add stairs. (from the build menu) Going Further down? cant use the drill, need to find a hole..somewhere near to a glowing mushroom maybe? 

 Moving ore. click and hold 'confirm" C and a direction arrow, while standing next to the ore,(your attention box on the ore.) You can then either push it forward in front of you, or 'carry' it to the side, or back. Push it to the stairs where it will then bounce into your inventory. 

Also, try to remember, with most workbenches, there are two menus. If your wanted inventory item is missing from the one list, tap the 'Sub'/special X key to hopefully see the other. 

 Mostly don't fret about Grant (there is no time limit).. just don't forget the dragon-turtle. He needs food for growing and strength. the more processed it is, the better it is. His likes and dislikes change. so keep an eye on that. His nearness to other dragons and giants causes 'weather' to happen, in the form of rain, rocks, clay, and trees. special plants will sometimes appear... and bugs or 'pests' show up, like butterflies. If you see them, 'strike at' or 'catch' them, then use them with the mortar n pestle to refine them into element powder. 

Need a nearby pool of water to refill crop waterer. Put your attention box over water (with the waterer in hand) and 'confirm' to fill. 

To get refined Iron you must have built a blast furnace.(use the 'build' and special menus located with the 'cancel' Z button. same place that you have walls, roof, and flooring listed) 

Be sure to leave a free space or two in your chests.. as over time, free items are dropped off in them. 

 Healing potions take a mortar and pestle 'workbench'(to powder) as well as a test tube set (to liquefy) Needs be of the same rarity. 

Wood or cotton wool powder etc for lvl 1 sickness 

mushroom powder for level 1-2 

glow mushroom powder for up to 5. 

Dont forget to toggle normal/specialty ('sub' X key if needed. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

its another title...

Its another high stress kind of day for me. I blame the economy really. There was a time.. not too long ago, where a single income could keep you in everyday, if min, living. Today though, jobs are in scarce supply and even two/three incomes cant seem to keep you in living. Im a day away from landing on my nose in the gutter of nowhere. Seriously. And what have i of value to show for it? Ignoble self destruction of fading away with no one whod even care to read these words? Yeah, i know.. a little fatalistic of me. But in this moment.. the possibility of a light at the end of the tunnel... Even if its a train,.. is long gone..all i see now, is darkness... And i lack so much as a flashlight... Nevermind a working one.

I feel a forboding as well, about this place that i have found myself in. That, even in this patch of darkness.. theres nothing beyond it either.

Im begging for foregivness here.. just in case, eh? I feel chills and such regret and sadness. And yet.. id just go back to the norm if i can. Wierd huh? And i also realize that i am likely making little to no sense to you right now. I think thats ok atm. I also think thats suprising to me. Hi!! Well enough of the rl situation crying... Ahem..

In the latest portal saga.. while its still there... Meepsburg continues to slowly grow. Took down the parking garage at last, in favor of the growing area tucked in the corner of district 1. Made the patchwork tavern/inn at the end of the pier with stairs leading down into a large underwater viewing area. Theres a cargo boat with a single sail resting at dock now.. and plans for an underwater horse path to view the ruins and the coral bed located just off the fishing dock. The processor is still... Uhm.. not worked on but for the water to power the place.. which looked kinda cool in the darkness with the frame in its lighter color. Maybe could add a little terracotta brown to the processor build. Maybe sometime yet in the future. 

Sigh.. what a lousey day.. days.. week.. weeks..month...year..time.... As the worm turns..

June bugs notwithstanding mainly because they arnt.. standing, that is.

Mostly just an update to the usual updates and whats interresting post. Going through a "im slightly bored" phaze. Not a whole lot is interresting to me right now. Thinking of just why i should start a webpage.. not sure whats the point..considering i already have this blog to keep me happy. And i have been for some number of years now. (Thanyas blogspot for being so nicely stable) so theres at least that. I have been on a drawing 'out' for nearly as long as i have been on a pen n paper game 'out'. 

Well.. i am still doing stuff in minecraft. 

I have been building on a town, Meepsburg, that sits between three biomes.. desert, plains, and a warm ocean. Its a little village thats grown into three districts. The main district..which is fishing, magic, and storage. district one, which is farming, (vegetables, meats, trees) and district 2, which is mining/ market. Beside the town, is a large 'bubbling' volcano. It has a high wall of rock on the townside and most of the lava slides down the side and under district 2. The otherside has a bit of a lake..now a steaming one.. geothermal. it slides over into the very very deep water between the town and a patch of swamp. That high wall on the volcanos side, has thus far, kept the district one safe from the volcano's main export. The lava slides into a crevace and into the underside caves of district 2.. and the mines. There, the villagers have an elevator and track to deliver ores to be processed and refined. (Currently being worked on) from there, the ore goes up to the surface to be made into weapons armour and tools etc. Such are often then sold at market and from there sent on to other ports (Which i have yet to develop in the main district) or caravan (also yet to develop in district 1) also working on finishing a wall around the waterside to keep the town safe from the roving pillagers from the north.

And here comes 1.20. itl be nice to see the hanging signs.. and the new blocks cherry and bamboo.

As well, i am thinking of trying to resurrect my single-player game of castletowns...using 1.20... i dunno tho.. single-player seems sooo lonely all the time. 

Well.. i found a portal.. located a tiny taiga village.. but i am suffering some really odd lag.. (which could be a sign of laptop limits). 

We will see if it goes anywhere.. need to get hold of a keyboard and a wired mouse or two. .. maybe a small monitor... Maybe thats what ill do with the pages.. show my progress in pictures and story. Hmm.

gets out the litterbox...

Not feeling the greatest today. gots a few issues with a minecraft server i have been visiting the last year or so ago. Its a pretty nice place really... All in all. Just... 

Im not one who can nor is willing to stay up with the Jones'.. so to speak. Im not one who is up on the latest mcmmo perks of the rank and knows..or even cares how to take advantage of it. Maybe im just getting to be an old player or something. I dont have an 'in' with who says what in the place. I just.. go my own route, i guess. I gather resources, its my go-to for stress relief, i suppose. Im no wizard with knowing what everything is worth... Kind of wish i did... What prices to set... Or just why i should try. I just want a bit of space in which to put things so i can gather such and at pace..put them where others can get them. But mentally, its like im missing a duck....so they arnt all in a row..and i dont want to start until they are. But they never are. Not for me, at any rate. It also seems like i feel a need to talk to someone about all of this...someone whod understand.. but there is no person like that. Certainly not without bugging them to care about it when they have a ton of other issues of their very own, they are having to sort out.

 So i sit here..feeling like im on the edge of something i have never been able to reach. ..to reach understanding ANd why it should matter to me...but uh.. thats too deep to have words for. 

*Shifts the litter around a bit to change stance.* (Soap-box/ litterbox for a cat.)

Ok.... Ahhem .. my issue is.. specifically, that im not savvy enough to be up on all the perks and particulars of.. not of minecraft, but of the server im on. 

Part of me resists,.  Because knowing all this new stuff ties me into this server world in special. Ill get dependent...like i might already be.  Part of me is scared. Thinking i wont be happy being here anymore.. but cant swing away without tearing things..like friendship, apart. And i dont make friends easily as it is. To the point i end up putting my words and concern on repeat...looking for a way to get them across that missing duck and into understanding... 

 

Ohh and here i am again..just sitting here. Bleh. Im cold. Going back to bed.

up in the air...

Is it Febuary already? Chaotic weather patterns is telling me its spring as well.. time marches ever onward. And what about those "things" in the air? Did they pop up like spring flowers one year when no one was watching? Are they in some sort of holding pattern..or just...floating there on the outskirts of where-evers important? Are they like mini versions of the fabled black knight? Are they spying on the merecats in the prairies or the polar bears of the north? Perhaps they are end portals leading off to the abandoned citys of that realm? 

.....

Speaking of portals, i took a peek into one of the portals of minecraft... Not much has been done by its owner.. but i suppose theres no real rush. The experimental village still has but a space dug out for expansion... Nothing that i could see, going on there. But for a house atop the smithy area. Good way to stay cozy on those nippy mornings..just stay on the aware for sparks. The bee city is still changing faces.. there has been a bit of expansion in both districts. Cow and sheep pens.. and marketplace tents. From the board info.. the wall might be next on the list.. or possibly the dam. Going to be a big project there. There was also a bit of overheard talk of sign removal at the manor... Maybe a second scrapping of a public portal.

I feel a bit creaky and grouchy today. Hope yaalls days is better than mine. 

Portals arnt behaving for me again.. being flickery and not at all stable.

Lots of little annoying setbacks. Am considering, again, finding a portal to something of a null space..but its lonely there after a bit. Kind of funny in a way.. i want to listen to people talking, and give them things once in awhile but mostly, thats it. Its like i want to know they are there..to hear them chatter..but like some sort of sullen child, i dont want to have to be a part all the time. Theres just simply not enough space tho!! Ok, yeah, i know that last didnt make much sence. I apologize.

Today, this far, i have only peeked through the portal to see the build progress going on at bee2 minecraft village. Id say.. very very slowly, is my answer. its ok. No pressure either way. The villagers are still trying to figure where would be a good place to be  they seem to like the wall removal that happened in district 2. A new temperory wall is going up to keep out the riffraff. .. its about knee high...itl keep the local critters from stomping all over the tents of the marketplace tho. And the villagers still seem to feel safe enough that they are still found hanging around the area after dark. .. or maybe they are hoping for new housing to go up so they have a place to hide. Hard to tell just which it is with villagers. Had a dream of a very small castlehouse at the top of the hill..itd be directly between district 1 and 2, Making it a perfect spot really. Just lacking the modivation really.. and maybe a clear clear idea as to what it should look like, would help.

Ugh..eyes hurt..ok..not hurt hurt..more like, ache. Uncomfy. Well.. maybe another peek, eh? Nothing better to do.

Horrible typing and a frustrating laptop.

My little laptop, the gimp that it is.. Has a strong dislike for the space-bar..and the letters n, o, g, and e. so if those are missing or omitted in this post, sorry now, on my laptop's behaf. if, on the other hand, its a letter replacement or booboo. Thats my sad typing skills. ok, that having been said,...

Dunno if i said it before or not but.. theres a pause.. a slight relief from the glaring red eyeball of living with a moving roof and feeling lucky at that... its been cold out, a "no-duhh" is placed here in time for the holidays. Christmas came and went... and here comes the new year. wee. (sarcasm intended). Its a dad-by-day struggle... with no light at the end of the tunnel... because it can't be afforded... kind of like food, these days. getting scarcer by the week.Makes you really apreciate the little things. Dinno where I'm gunna be this evening...nevermind tommorrow. But enough about me.. Lol!

Not a whole lot else going on, really. My portal use is sketchy at best... but at least before christmas, i amused myself enportal, naturally, by throwing things into the cc chests in spawn. took the time,and exp use, to make sure a new person would find them useful. dunno that they went to anyone else or not but i guess thats how it goes. i probably just annoyed a few shopkeepers by giving them a bit less potential business. ..but then i too have been annoyed by a shopkeeper i trusted, underselling me, and not mentioning me when they could have as i have done them before. so.. i guess its a little passive-agressive of me...and likely its all on my side anyway. in my everyday bid to staywanted and busy, I have once more taken to prompting the villagers in my new town project to, become a bit more productive... and davey jr is still refusing to choose a profession. I'm starting to think he should be donning the geen robes of the village idiot class... but he wont take so much time for even that.I managed to rework the waterall, after the Disappearence of the farmer up there. made ita bit safer.. i think. Dunno though.. i did retrieve the new farmer from the cliffside the other day.... not sure just how he got on the ledge. I added a gate onto the overlook, and brought in the donkey.. who aparently had been waiting for me. patiently, i might add. Surprized me. I didnt have to go far at all. Well he's in a bit of safety now anyway. Ifhis friend, the horse is still out there, the next time i look, I'll bring him in as well.
I need to buildsome nice walls around the place they are better than the fences... but, im not real confident i can make them worthy... so i havent tried as yet. I did try to remake a villager house but...its the usual boxy thing..so i stopped at the first floor.
my excuse is, im waiting for the end to the annoying undead minion that keeps showing up to command my attn. They are I'm told, leaving on the 2nd. Hope I'm still able to work on things then. Im tired of boxes really. I see such amazing places.. and I just cant get past the basic box. I think I'm getting bored of feeling alone, again. How does that guy do it? years and years of working on one thing.. for no real reason. no real gain. like... a disapearing cloud. no matter how hard you work atit, trying to make it a masterpiece.. its still.. is nothing but vapor. I dont get that. I really dont. and.. why cant i just Do stuff like i always have, why is it so different now? hmm... feels a bit like i'm peering into that big can of worms again..

i had thoughts of maybe posting a text version, with screenies, of personal roleplay stories and lore type stuff... but yeah, no... its more of that same vapor feeling. who would read it? why would it even matter? hell, my old webpages got more attention. and that was back when skills in basic html put you a little closer to the 'worth looking at' tag,.. that doesnt seem to exist for me anymore. feeling my age, i suppose. lol :D shades of self-worth...or self-confidence .... or the lack there of. it doesnt matter. i know this.and yet, i agonize over it all anyway.

Encountered a bit of an issue earler today.. someone had stated a rule of 'no personal info'. Now, I do actually agree on princible. not only should it be a good policy to practice, but it is especially so with underage folk. but while, i certainly know not to be sharing identfiable stuff, address, ph no, and such, i have not heard, nor seen at this place, such a particular details. so, it is with some surprise and with a fair bit of embarrissment to get called on one of those particulars. (shaekes head saddly) amazing. well, i am better informed from here on out, and as such, i have attepted to apologize for what was otherwise a simple guessing game in whch i was hardly alone.. but was the one 'caught'. I should have somehow known better. One thing could have easilly lead to another, I suppose. and its best I should not have engaged at all, even given my hesitation. perhaps the fellow reading the riot act was from purple. hehe perhaps its a good thing I have no real desire to join the portal's team of helpers. I am too much of a rogue for them, anyways.

Did I just lose you that last? sorry bout that. Tmi, rght? Lets just go on to other thngs.

moving on down the road...

Hallo. This is just me, posting just cuz i can, so i am. Trying to find bright outlooks to the situation has gotten a little more difficult of late. And what's found has a definite sarcastic flavor to it. This is what's its like having to actually move to a given portal that you simply just do not know if it's there.. Nevermind working.. nevermind accessable.. or free... Or... You just don't know. So you move towards it on nothing but a wing and a prayer.. it's like one of those movies where the guy has just made it through days of desert walking.. On nothing but the hope there's a free refreshment stand over the next hill...so you don't die. Here's for that next hill!! Huzzah!

I don't like living so... Impulsively.

Onward through the latest portal,.. (minecraft is still fun to me). Found another town..between a hill/cliff and a desert/ warm ocean. There were even 2 villagers living in the area. I fenced the area off, fed a few carrots and bread to those two... And let them get to repopulation while i took out my shovel and pickaxe and set about making a little sense of the hill. Dont know quite what to do after this..but at least the remaining villagers arnt gunna fall to thier deaths in the rift under them anymore. Still want to wall off the villages in case of illager attack but... I dunno yet how to do that. I might care to put up a few huts with beds as thier population recovers.

More later, im sure.

Breaking back into daytoday "life happens" ... Messed up morning. Tried to make fun.. with good natured intent, this morning...not to sure it got taken well. A driving friend in the "before dawn" time, swerved a bit... Was telling me about a curb in the road. I laughed disbelievingly as he was leaving, only to be given a food item by a stranger claiming the guy had given it to him. (Which i had gifted him with earlier) Like n like. I am very confused as to the whens n whys. A bit paranoid even. I feel a bit like i have been told to step aside in all of this with him and his mentor. Its been a long haul, thus far, with no real end in sight. I dont feel i should be speaking up ..and inserting foot. I am less and less secure in thinking my thoughts are valuable anyway. Theres no real way i can see, where my words have helped at all. Theres far better advice.. and im a burden..trying to not be, really. I feel really sad inside. He said he feels like a failier... Someone elses words... But he used them. Im sorry if i somehow caused it. Am i being toxic or something? I told myself i wouldnt speak of things that i knew were. Did i stick my foot in it again? Or... Am i just overthinking again? .. Let there be a lesson to self. Stop Griping!! lol

thinking of hard times...

Well .here it is..close to the barrel bottom now. Only leg i have to stand on, being my right, is we are together still..and we have, currently, a way to get out of the rain..or ever-too-hot sunshine, which we have been exposed to quite a bit of late. I really got to see the seedier side of things today ..not to write home about, me thinks. People coping...any way that they can. Im hungry. I need a shower too. Im smelly. There seems no direction to go. Fighting continues. Always, it seems. Still want to blame the clown in charge. Unbelievable. Well. I do hope that the red side wins the country this time. I hope it all gets fixed. Im down too far now to really engage as i might have, beginning of the year. My top dream now is simply this .. a roof, wamth, dryness, and food...and maybe that shower. Thatd be nice. Getting swept up in the homeless pile at/near the borders and downtrodden areas now. Having to be carefull of what we cant get for ourselves.. being a bit sus over what we are given to eat. And where we are choosing to sleep. Saw a man in what we thought might be in a safe place..pretty sure he was sleeping in a nearby space. Made us feel ..uncomfortable. and a fellow called cicel, who went on about a room and a shower, just disapeared. Pretty sure he has been out for longer then he indicated. I only hope the food was alright. Its been cold out at night. I still am. Shivering with a sweater on, in the library.

I sure miss the laze of getting up and sauntering into the ajoining room..flicking on the computer and grabbing a marie calenders out of the freezer for breakfast/lunch. ...good times.

And still...we are lucky to have what little we do.

Sitting here, looking out across the way and the big ol houses on the hill... And wondering,  again, just how they do that. Manage such a nice place..even in times such as this. Im angry, im sad. Depressed, displeased, flustered, frightened,..a little, at having to ever be aware. And at where the future is really going to lead us.

a moment of paranoia?

So .theres this mousehole..in the baseboard of that wall right there. Its just a little thing really....but the thing of it is...not everyone i have spoken to, seems to see it. Or if they do, they just cant understand its importance to the story. One person i know, kept insisting that there is no hole at all.. over and over again..when i asked, she would say, "theres no hole. No problem." Even though there is most certainly a hole there..and thats definatly a problem. Ive touched it. I have felt its edges,.. i have even seen a little mouse moving about in there.  And yet...she persists..'there is no problem there. No hole'..not even a blemish or a scratch, to marr the baseboard. How could this even be? No hole? "Touch it then", i say. But no, she wont do that. Theres nothing there. But there is. "Why wont you touch it? You will see, theres a hole there." And she gets angry. "No!" She yells, holding her hands together. "Your just delusional and trying to drag me into it!." Then she ran off, yelling about how completely unfounded i have been to her. So, i start thinking perhaps shes right. Maybe im just being a lunkhead, giving in to the self doubts for awhile. Its better to just go along, right? But over a bit of time..i have noticed that not only has the mousehole in the wall, not disapeared, its gotten bigger..and i can hear chewing. Not just that but...the other day, i walked by a news stand on the corner of 8th and bingham street..and i startled to see my name. The words "abusive" "delusional" and "tiny mice" accompanying it. Then suddenly, i became aware of the suspicious way people were looking at me. Narrowed eyes and muttering to one another.. i could about feel the red-hot knife of hate. 

I just cant talk about the mousehole anymore.. everyone around me seems to be of the opinion im making it all up. That little hole just keeps getting bigger and bigger...

Then, as i was sitting there, watching the mice coming and going with trails of sawdust.. someone sat next to me..and in a timid voice, whispered ... "Theres a big ol monster-hole in that wall over there. Why is everyone refusing to see it? I just dont understand."

So..there was this girl called kamela...

rantfest?

Not the best of days...not at all. Quite a number of people accusing others of what they themselves have already done. Sides drawn and a fistfight seems about to begin. People on one side just cannot see what their own side is doing while the other side seems totally intent on justifying what just happened to put others.. on their own side, up on the anger board. What once was a place of tollerence has lost cogs and tipped into near maddness. Makes me wonder just what/where the wrench is and who threw it to make such a horrible muddle. One thing i know for certain .. it cannot continue for much longer. Changes are afoot. Got yer popcorn popped yet? ... Ohh this is your third bag? Yeah i understand. Need a sip of hard-won soda and a voting card. Make it count.

And speakin of an elephant...

Barr.. You got the word wrong. Its "de-classified." You arnt making friends anymore. And i thought you were cool once...playin smart bpipes n all...now youv shown yer just a smart-arse. How annoying and disappointed I am in you.

King Sleepy, yer snooze-shoutin again. Get off the soapbox before you irrepairably hurt something. We dont recognize such titles in this country. We never have. You seriously need to catch up with the times if yer gunna keep yelling like that. Get a clue, man! Yer on the wrong side..and shakin hands with the ghost of christmas future. I dont really like you, I never have.. and I'm not the only one. You are hanging with the wrong crowd, man. Corn-pop is laughin his head off at you. Its Cornpop and all of those people behind you that you call friends. They are using you to hurt a whole lot of people. Cant you see that? They are tellin you what to say and then laughing when you repeat it. You dont even really know where you are, do you? The term 'useful idiot' applys to you. Its a crying shame really. People under you are fleeing for the hills all around and you just cant see the obvious. How about lookin toward yer VP?.. shes losing people as well. She was a wrong choice.  She's never around to help fix the problems. She's got her own problems. rats escaping a sinking ship. Yer goin down cap'tn!! Prepare for a dunkin!... And im not talkin donuts either. (Or ice cream) you are going down in history alright. As the worst leader this country has ever experienced. Hope you like it..cus youl get to own it for a mighty long time...with or without (which is most likely) your actual presence.

Mrs. pel, mr shoe, and bug-eyes.. not much to say to you, little demons. Except.. yer time is comin. I hope its as rich as you are. Hope you have to pay for it too. But either way.. enough with you. Be gone allready. And take all yer underlings with you back to wherever youv Really come from... And stay there! Youv done your damage already! Oh, is

this your ball? You want it? Take it with you. Please. Just go.

As for everyone else... Agreed with or not, I'm just one person who watched listened, experienced, suffered.. and made up my own mind. My thoughts, my opinions, dont like it? Sorry. But thats how i see it. Feel free to create yer own soapbox. This litter is used. And since this box is mine... Let's go, Brandon!! *Wink*

i just cant believe hed say that.

The other day..well, evening... I was in the car chatting with someone i trust. There was the subject that came up about a computer i was storing along with others in a room he was paying for..for safe keeping. I voiced a desire for its use in a project i was working on. He didnt think it was a good idea because that put it in proximity of another person, who might just abscond with it. Now its an older computer..and not the grandest thing at that, but i thought it might just give me that boost i felt i needed to get my project moving. So i assured him that i would keep close tabs on it..i had no thoughts to have it taken from me.. i would assert myself should anyone try anything. I am quite capible of holding my own, as he knew... Besides i have good reasoned doubts this other person would grab it physicly out of my hands. But this person, i trust, that i had put the computer into the storage with.. seemed to think i was defying 'his rules', upsurping his control, and threw me an ultimatum... saying he would not allow me to take the computer out of the storage. Thats it. Full stop.

I was surprised and quite dismayed. Does he not trust me to hang onto my own computer? Why would he refuse me the chance to do with my own item as i wanted? If i wanted to, i could give that computer away. I could throw it out... I could replate it in gold! Its my computer! Not his. (As it is, and he knows this full well, this computer was a gift to me from someone else..completely unrelated to this..and i wont just give a gift away from someone i valued, without a great deal of thought first.)The storage area is his, i suppose.. and he is just denying me access to the computer. Why would he do this? Do i now have to guard my computer from him?

I am mystified. Should i just give the thing away now, just so itd stop being an issue? Why cant i just use it like i want?  -sigh- i just figured itd make things easier for my project...i mean, i guess its not all that important... Hed rather i just..not do anything to advance that which i said i'd do? People would get pretty frustrated with me, im positive. I would much rather do what i can to avoid the blame that i know is coming. To avoid the confrontation and even if it was one in which this other person is responsible for (for not getting a computer i can use), i would as well..because im not being paid for the effort of working on the project...but for the results of the project. Its confusing, i know.

I have not truly been enabled in this project. The other person has been putting thier efforts elsewhere and my project is just one of many that are going on... And not too important to the whole, really. So they have not put a whole lot of thought toward it. I would be taking my own initiative by using my own computer, to make the whole project work. ..to at least know it 'can' work...if i had a working computer for it. Atm  i just dont know if itl work with a computer or not. Bare bones, itl work with a phone..but maybe not that great? I have no way to tell without trying. But givin that i dont have a computer in which to try..because i cannot now get my old computer out of storage... And the laptop i do have, is too small to use for this... Im stuck. Wiv or wet wiv.

What a pain. -.-. I -want- to see to the results of this project! To know that i -can- make it work!. To be able to say i did something!

Instead im sitting here, parked butt in a room, for the last...how long has it been now? ... Months. And done not a single thing, this whole time.

(Heavy sigh). Ok... I know this is just venting at this point..rl issues... I am..agreeved, upset, flustered, ....annoyed! Not a good day for me.

Edit: On this day.. friday Aug 12 2022...

I am feeling.... sad atm... And a little bit paranoid and flustered. Dont know quite what to do with me.

what shall i call this one.. more of the same?

Am interresting fix.... Lets say. On the hypothetical... A romance senario. In the past there were these two guys...friends. good friends. One guy had a wife.. they didnt..always get along... But they weathered the times together. The other guy found a gf.. things happened.. lots of upheavel... Then silence reigned... The other guy went into the military... The husband and wife, still together went through some hard times but came out of trouble still together... And celebrating thier 30th year aniversery.

Somewhere in the middle the other guy popped up and showed a lot of displeasure to the wife then all went quiet once more... Then one day, the husband gets a call from the other guy...reminds him of thier friendship back then, and how hed like to get back into thier friendship... and there was a hope that he could stay with the hubby and wife for a time, while trying to get into a collage. He tells him he views the wife as a sister but then when the wife would talk to him as well.. he goes a little bonkers over the phone... He tells the wife that he really does not like her..rather, that he wants nothing to do with her and to never speak to him again. Husband tells her afterward, that the other guy 1. Will not speak with any woman without her other half being right there.... Even though hubby was in the room when the wife and other guy spoke on the phone. And 2. The hubby didnt think the other guy hated her. (She didnt either, imagine her dismay.) The end result, the other guy didnt get to go to the college he wanted to. The wife of hubby was grateful that the other guy didnt stay with them. And the hubby... Is still talking to the other guy. Friends again.

Now, to others who have heard the story, they think the other guy might just be jelous of the wife, being so close to the hubby...especially as the other guy has shown to be no friend of hers.

On the hypothetical tho.... Is the other guy perhaps trying to drive a wedge between the hubby and wife? Is this a dangerous, toxic relationship? Everyone has seen or read about the 'other woman' in a romance... jealousy is a pretty complicated and intense emotion..and is certainly a mainstay in romance stories. This certainly does smack of one of those stories... Only with a twist...of an 'other guy'. Is it a plausable senario though? Or would it only ever end in disaster? Is it even worthy enough to write about as a plot?Somethings are simply doomed from the onset..and not a very interresting subject. This sounds very..doomish to me... The husband is a little too... Laxidazicle... Or the wife a little too accepting/baffled perhaps...to keep thier relationship alive so people like this other guy doesnt just...muscle in and tear thier 30 years together, asunder in short order.

Where is the line with letting old friends into the picture? 

I knew a girl who, the moment she had secured a relationship with a guy, she tore him from all of his friends. She didnt want to be accepted by them. She didnt want them to be a part of her relationship. I dont think one should have to do that. I would think those friends of his were solid enough that they would know a line existed even before the girl came along. But then... Trust isnt something most people possess straight off the go either. Most of this guys friends were not to fond of her...of course they also didnt really know her either. Probibly the feeling was mutual. Still, i wouldnt think id enjoy being in that guys shoes either. having to say.. My gf doesnt want us to be friends any more.. even though we have been solid for quite a number of years,  so.. oh well... bye. Is that how it goes, in most relationships? Cuz ifn it is.. then i royally bombed the test. I'm of the opinion that, while i cant really trust people i dont know, i do trust the person im in relationship with. I trust that person to keep thier friends on a level a bit separate from the level a serious relationship is at. Like the difference between friendship and love. 

Maybe ill talk more on this another time. Ttfn

second verse..same as the first...

Had a bit of a head gasket blow last evening... With all the steam release, youd think the place was a sauna rather than an ice house which was what was hoped for in this oppressive heat. Now really, i guess i can see the frustration.. i get how that can be. Tired of the delay... And it feels like nothing is gunna happen if i dont say anything. He wants to see it happen! And yet..its always something, isnt it? Yeah, i get that.

For my own part..the portal is pretty much completely out of reach right now. Its waay the flock up there and i dont so much as own a ladder. And while i stand here trying to figure out how to get up there..i gots more issues arriving like buzzards to a feast of roadkill. Every other day yet another one of those ugly feathered fiends is waddling to get a bit closer.. and they havent a single care in the world if i can reach that portal or not. They have nothing to do with it.

Now, me, as typical when im feeling overwhelmed..not that hard to do, really. I take to places i can vent..trying to sort it all out aloud. Sorry, for those who live in such venting spots..you get to hear all my griping and none of the better stuff of the life of a portal hopper. Sorry. Its not fair on you. Normally, im not the sort of confronting assertive gregarious  types you might find a reason to rely on in this business, i waaay prefer to just let others who are like that, take over that position of experience...while i stick to what i know. And i know, givin that preference, that not all the monkeys will willingly hang out in the barrel for very long. There will always be a few swinging overhead. My but they can and do get frustrating.

So..why is there flack being thrown into the air just now? Why not just ignore the small stuff swinging about the place and get the door open in time regardless? Why is there a need for perfection or bust? Why not just sweep the firt floor off for the moment and leave the flooring for a weekday after? I know that the dirt floor is not perfect just yet..and you are expecting it to be. You go all hair raising poofta when people are drifting about on the air currents when they arnt doing the whats and wheres youd rather they do... And yet, what are you expecting when they cannot rely on the chick feed you provide? Not everyone can use chick feed the very way you would intend it, you know... Even i know that can be the worst .. but what is there to be done by it now?

Maybe im just not seeing a connection where i feel one should be. Hrm.

Ok..so i know i have been...quite s bit less than stellar of late... I feel like my world is in upheaval and i have no words to explain any of it. Figgin vultures are takin Bites outa me!! (Hey, does that make me so much roadkill? Ok, so ehhh allagory.)

I need an assist of an electronic sort so i can better see..and maybe a ruler or two. I get told one is avalable..and yet it never makes it out of the closet.. one more thing which is in another persons court, on someone elses gotta-do list. And not knowing the job requirements and noone can tell you just what it is thats expected. It just is. Why is so much expected for little to no return? Why is a 2-hand carry task expected when one hand needs to be tied to your knee? Thats what i dont get. I need a freaking ladder to get to that portal, you know.. yet peoples are expecting me to fly there. What was it, you said, wheres the money gone? I need a fishing pole here, not just a stinky fish!! The fish is greeaat if all i needed was food for the day. .... Ok...theres something. I need a ladder. Something secure...it doesnt have to be fancy or anything... Just something i can use to get me up there.... Make up some distance... A way to get away... Just for a bit. Trust. I know... Its not easy to do that..how well i know. But thats what we need at this end. We need a ladder, free and clear of push-back. Like the guilded bird cage for the bird...a place of security... (Well..maybe thats too far ) but how to convey this to the ones with more hang-ups than a walk-in closet?

Especially when they dont really trust you? They arnt going to take it well if you think to just buy a solution and then shove them into a closet. They arnt going to give you a perfect wall if they are untried..not even if they are mason apprentices. I know.. i know.. atm..we arnt even tried bird watchers..nevermind masons. ..we dont even have the bricks.so... long story maybe just a bit shorter... We need something clear..and writen down.. we need the materials..no matter how important we think it is. (I know you did say..is there anything else?) *Takes a breath* i know you did say that... And i should have spoken up then. My bad. Atm im not sure of just what i need...and doubtful you wont just wash it under the table as unimportant just now...again. even as i can understand the other side of that..part of the reason i dont feel enabled. No real desire to get into -any- of it atm... My world is in upheaval. Just excuses, ... right? 

Geez!  Did i just talk myself into a circle?

Still didnt get a whole lot of sleep.. just mornin ache again.

psycobabble

The other evening, i watched a movie the was a bit of a tearjerker. It was about a kid, grown up in an abusive household. His dad was...a rather ... Grouchy old fellow who had been through a gauntlet of hard knocks...and bitterly tried to instill it in on his son. The grew up and did take on some of those "lessons". Naturally, i about balled tearfully in empathy of the boy working his way into adulthood with those negative brainwashing lessons coming back at him. And then really tore open the tear puddle inside when his dad got cancer..tried to make things right..and died. 

Similar stripes in my own life really. Although it wasnt pa who got the cancer. But i think neither the great mugwumpus, nor me, ever quite got over the death of his lady love. I think the wumpus was finally glad he could draw his long life to a close. Im sure he had regrets. I certainly have a few. I hope he got to meet up with his love in heaven. I think in a way, he did try to make up for the past...for what he could activly recall of it anyway. Meanwhile, look at the boxes of stowed away anger and hurt others still carry in grudge from this... Who suffers most from hiding those away? Not the wumpus..not anymore anyway. At least i got to tell him i love him...and forgave him for whatever i might have still have concerning that past time. forgiveness, i have found is -really- difficult to pull off. Especially if its not only a lot to let go of ..but its been around a very long time really. Its like it all.. got comfortable or... petrified itself to the cabnet like some looong forgotten cough lozenge or somehing.

As for missing mom... I do..still...alot...as evidenced by the size of the puddle of tears i keep adding to every year around this time. Think it might be a salty lake by the time i get around to dumping it out. Bet i could toss it into the ocean and it still wouldnt do a thing to its allaround level tho. Lol

It just goes on and on, doesnt it? These last few years have been really really rough for a lot of people. Homelessness sucks..especially with the lack of food on the grocers shelves...and the lack of jobs to be had...and now, no way to aford to move the run-down heaps that get us to the store and work. *Yelling up and the supposed head of government* hey you up there! Knock it off!! No one appreciates what you are doing and have done already, its not a gaff and its not funny!! Your being an idiot!! Get off the platform already!! Bloody seusian turtle thinks hes doing well, in charge of all he surveys..when its just a lot of well mashed insane mud by this time. I'm tired of being trampled upon!!. And for all you blinders who are tellin him he's king..youv had your say.. get off your high horse, shut up, sit down, and let someone else take the reins for awhile, youv already made a mess of things as it stands...and if you think the guy at the podium isnt making any sence..just take a listen to yourself!! Poor people are sposta magicly afford to buy an electric vehicle to get around now? Even many in the middle class cant aford that on a good day. And for some odd reason, you think taking money from the high-ups and our protectors are somehow going to make it safer for everyone and wont affect the lower classes itl just give the gov more money to spend? Seriously?!! What planet are you from?.. cause you aparently arnt from this one. The elites will simply do what they want, to avoid it..as they have always done..and itll trickle its way down to the street level...like it always has done...and guess who ends up paying the price? We do. stop spending and giving away our hard earned assets to people outside our country..at least untill our country stops screaming from the sacrifices its already had to endure!! And thats from the street level, ya morons... With a whole lot of new souls coming in everyday that are having to suffer with us cuz we -all- have to eat!! You still dont get it? Or are you still holding hands over yer ears while screaming yer own problems into the air and blaming everyone in the world but the ones actually responsible for the issue?

Geez peoples! Stop the hate already! Alright?...its not going to solve anything. (Takes a breath) take a chill pill, reorginize thoughts. Howling on the soapbox aside for the moment.. I dont hate ya. I dont hate who you are, where yer from, how long you have been here or if you know how to swim or not. Have a pool tube. Its all fine. We, in the trenches, can be like family.. try to get along with one another in this mess thats been created around us. On the local level, most of us really do get along fine with eachother, pretty much like we always have. When i was a kid, i had not the slightest notion there where people being mean to others on a massive scale. (Deadly mean, even) I neither expected to apologize to those others..nor expected one from them. My 'world was quite a bit smaller than it is today...and yet, i still see no reason why i should be apoligizing to others for what those others did, nor expecting them to apologize to me at a time i had no idea as to what they did...even if it was a horrible thing ...and those people are long gone by this point..and any apology they might give is kind of..well..lost its potency really. Still..people today, could probably learn a lot from the horrible things done in the past.. and avoid repeating them ...if those mistakes havent already been wiped out or changed from the facts of the occurence within time. People have tried to do that, you know. Wiping something from the history books..only to find themselves repeating the same stupid thing again ..over and over and over again...like a really horrible retake of 'groundhog day'. I am not my gpa's gpa (+ a few years...or so) and neither are you. So stop expecting me to apologize for something he might or might not have done a long time ago. And i wont be expecting it from you either. Neither of us was actually there..and from what i have read, it was a pretty lousey thing to do to another person. neither of us has plans for a repeat of that horror regardless. Right? Now,...about those trafficers waltzing through the portal earlier today with thier braceletted caughts in tow..... 

Ok...i feel somewhat better. *steps off the 'soapbox*

The horrible hazards of being hard of hearing...being considered a loud arse in a noisy place because i simply cannot hear you,.. or me either, to be able to tell just how loud or quiet im being. Its a real issue. Seriously.