Butterflies

Catch Another Butterfly
....John Denver

Do you remember days not so very long ago
When the world was run by people twice your size?
And the days were full of laughter
And the nights were full of stars
And when you grew tired you could close your eyes

Yes the stars were there for wishing
And the wind was there for kites
And the morning sun was there for rise and shine
And even if the sniffles kept you
Home from school in bed
You couldn't hardly stay there after nine

And I wonder if the smell of morning's fad - ed
What happened to the robin's song
That sparkled in the sky?
Where's all the water gone
That tumbled down a stream?
Will I ever catch another butterfly?



Do you remember campouts right in your own backyard?
Wondering how airplanes could fly
And the hours spent just playin'
With a funny rock you found
With crystal specks as blue as all the sky

And I wonder if the smell of morning's fad - ed
What happened to the robin's song
That sparkled in the sky?
Where's all the water gone
That tumbled down a stream?
Will I ever catch another butterfly?

Now I watch my son, he's playin' with his toys
He's happy, I give him all I can
But I can't help feelin'
Just a little tingly inside
When I hear him say he wants to be a man

And I wonder if the smell of morning's fad - ed
What happened to the robin's song
That sparkled in the sky?
Where's all the water gone
That tumbled down a stream?
Will I ever catch another butterfly?

more on the rat familly.

The youngest of the Rat brothers, Ratclyff, Decided that if his big bro Ratakin could betray out of the life of evil, so could he! It took some doing, and a lot of help from a great friend and guildie, but finally he came to the city of Qeynos. For some time there, he was paranoid of the guards, feeling for certain, that they would quickly raise arms against him. Given the tendency, it might be awhile yet before he's comfortable passing by without a care. As even Ratakin, long used to padding about the goodly cities, still gets the occasional sing of steel and a yell of "For the glory of Qeynos!!" (which never seems to fail to near scare the whiskers clean off his face!)
Both his eldest brother, Brennard, and his cousin, Snooks, shake their heads in wonder at just what could have possessed the rat family's baby brother to do such an insanely stupid thing. (They actually expected such a stupid thing from Rata.) Still.. Ratclyff now feels (acutely!) the loss of his enjoyable blue"chaos"mist form.


Family and friends. Ehh? Where'd did Ratcliff get to This time?!
Big bro Brenard, Ellywick the Sage, Cousin Snooks, and Lumin'osity

A Submarine of a Different Color

I read the news today, oh boy..

It seems a rather famous musical artist(RS) had walked off a chat show (R&K) because he was not allowed to sing one of his songs in the time given to him.
As I understand it, the star was willing to cut his song a bit shorter then its norm, but the producers of the silly chat show insisted it be under a shorter limit. Somehow, none of this had been properly conveyed to the artist and he was unaware of it until close to the last minute.

Now, before you get the wrong idea, I am no fan of this oh-so-special star, nor of the mentioned chat show. But I feel the need to comment. (and to the person who claimed this man was not -actually- a part of the famous band because he replaced someone early on, is false. Even though he is a replacement, he is -Still- a member of the band...and to add, he is who most people recall when thinking of this particular band.. not the guy he replaced, so.. stick it in yer ear!)

This man is famous. In all the efort he spent helping to wow the thousands of fans, and turning music into a new era, of making albums spin to the top of the charts over and over ..of keeping the beat all that time..., I think the man deserves a little respect by now.

Whats a single minute anyway? a little less pointless chatter would be a given, but really, come-on, who would miss it? Let the man sing his song. The extra minute wouldn't hurt.. Not to you, not to us, and certainly not to him. Show a little respect. The guy is part of a legend!

As it is, I have been told, he went onto other shows, equally as chatty, and got the extra minute, if not more, and there was no loss for it. So why did the producers of R&K have such an issue? Makes a person wonder just how high up in the air the nose's of the show's producers are actually held.

..........

Good Movie

It's called "San Wa" or "The Myth" and stars Jackie Chan and Kim Hee-sun.
Jack, is a famed archaeologist led in search of a legendary "levitation" stone and plagued by dreams of being a general. He has been tasked with protecting a princess on her way to the king's palace.. and a heart is lost in the process.



Jackie is such a wonderful showman/actor, and a wonderful martial artist. I have greatly enjoyed just about every flik I have seen him in.
Put in with another great martial artist and you have another of my favorites...

The Forbidden Kingdom Starring Jackie Chan and Jet Li.
A city kid finds himself in the heart of the mountains with a legendary staff. So he sets out to return the staff to its rightful owner, said to be the imprisoned Monkey King. He is accompanied by a drunken master, a monk, and a warrioress (who speaks of herself in the third person). Together, they endeavor to keep the kid safe to his destination, and away from the grasping reach of the Jade Warlord.

A Concern

A friend of mine really got me chewing nails over the subject of hotlinking.. but really, its not a new subject for me, as I have given this one quite a bit of thought before. Just for kicks though, I decided to look up the definition.. here's one, in a sense.

Hotlinking is the action taken by a person linking directly to a picture(or audio or video) found on a random website, for use in a forum or pages of their own. yes, this is a lot like straight linking, only to a picture, and it takes up a bit more of that precious bandwidth.. which in the grand scheme of the internet, is actually quite a big number to start with.

This is where it gets sticky. This days people, especially hosts, are concerned about the amount of bandwidth that is being used. Usually they make the folk paying for space use, pay for it as a part of their monthly fee. in other words, if a single picture gets linked to and appears on a thousand different forums.. it can get fairly pricy for the original host of the picture. In defense, people have gotten to saying "No hotlinking directly to pictures" on their pages of pictures. and if you do it anyway, you are stealing their bandwidth, which is a no-no. (theres also the danger of the host changing the picture you are linking to... could make for a nasty surprise eh?)

On the other hand, there are places that allow for the linking of pictures.. within limits, of course... since everyone has them. Places like photobucket, and bunches of avatar hosts, who will give you the direct link to their pictures for use in forums and the like. Now, if your link somehow exceeds their limit, they may shut down the picture temporarily until the usage rate is back within the limit.

So, consider this..
If you have a web site, with pictures being hosted on it, and you link to one of those pictures for use in a forum, you are still hotlinking... but not really stealing, because its your own site.

If you see a picture on someone elses site, and they tell you no, your hotlinking to it is stealing their bandwidth.

If you see a picture on someone else's site, and they say its ok, your hotlinking to it is still hotlinking, but with the owners permission. so its not really stealing, because you have the permission to link.


All in all, if you don't want to "host" all those pictures yourself.. ask them to make up their own photobucket account and hotlink to them, themselves. Its not that hard to do.

.....
definition example 1 from free-hosts.
Definition 2 from wiki
Definition 3 from the urban dictionary.
help info on YouTube for embedding vids on other sites.
Photobucket's definition (which allows 25GB a month in bandwidth usage, btw.)

"Dancing" the Best of the Best

I'll let this one speak for itself. Watch and enjoy. :)



As I understand it...
Video dancer: Matt Harding along with a host of others.
Music: "Praan" by Garry Schymann, sung by Palbasha Siddique
wherethehellismatt.com

A New Portal

The ever sweet, if slightly squeeky-voiced, Ratakin just outside the not so sweet, nor very lovely-looking city of Neriak in the land of Norrath.


A slightly older and much happier Ratakin looking over the orc situation in the Feydark.


...and getting to meet The Steppes undead in the predawn light.


Ratty resplendent in feypurples.


Ooo!! Deck the rat (and horse) in Christmas snowflake lights!

Happy Papas Day!

I gotta tell ya.. There are times, like this one, where I really kinda miss my pa. I recall some of our adventures.. spun back in time.. panning for gold in a desert creek... chasing the wild and rolling sagebrush across the sandy floor. trying in vain to locate the end of a yucca's tap-root... gingerly sitting on fishhook cactis to sip suntea, relaxing in the gathering sunset... of clambering over rough rock with hand picks and a ready excuse of "rock hounding" to say why we had just spent half the day climbing that hill... only to have to quickly make our way back down before it got too dark to see by... Of getting lost.. telling tales of ghost towns and mirages to stay awake by as we meandered our way back to the beaten path once more.. and of taking the "tourist" route, a million pictures, horseback humor, of laughter and chuckles. He had his moments... magical times indeed. and made for some rather sweet memories. I do hope my dad received his fondest wish at the end of that long pathway he rambled on... A lost love reunited! :)

I know I know, maybe Its a tad belated.. but Happy Father's Day to all you Dads out there! (and ohh! the Dads-to-be as well!) The good memories are -always- worth the time and effort.. especially for your children.

Yet More Anime

Gakuen Alice
An elementary school girl runs away from home in order to follow after her best friend to an private academy outside Tokyo that caters to people with special abilities called Alices.

Natsume of Alice Academy ...26 episodes


Last Exile

Lavie and Claus of Last Exile ...26 episodes

Angelic Layer

Misaki of Angelic Layer ...26 episodes

Chi's Sweet Home
very cute. :3

Chi of Chi's sweet home.

A bit of rp catch-up

I tried to just this in a neomail but it just wouldn't fit.. soo... I had to put it here. Hope you don't mind too much.

ok, this concerns the character, Tsunade, you chose to play... she has a bit of a history with one+ of my characters. I thought you might be interested as to what has gone on before so you aren't bowled over should something come up concerning it.

--- about Mai ---
Tsunade was, at one time, Mai's sensei.. teaching her the healing arts. of course, at that time, Mai was better known as Rin. She was very much a "sakura shy" in those days but unusually talented with healing. (Rin didn't develop the codename "mai" until after she joined ANBU.) Tsunade knows that Mai was a member of Root before coming under Tsunade's tutelage.. and even though she was mustered out of Root, she is still considered under the thumb of Danzo, and thereby a possible risk. (Danzo's intensive training made her a bit emotionally chaotic and she would serve Danzo's direct orders even though he is no longer considered her commander.)

Tsunade and Mai get along a bit like cat and dog, perhaps because in some ways, they are quite a bit alike. Tsunade considers Mai to be a loose cannon, ready to go off without warning. so whenever Mai has been in town, the 5th Hokage has insisted that she be carefully monitored 24/7 by the only two people who have ever been able to keep her under some control.. those of her teammates, Kakashi and Yamoto. (Yamoto, proper name, Tenzo, replaced Obito in the team after Obito died and all three went into ANBU together.)

Now, whenever Danzo has suggested Mai for a mission, (who's specialty is deep undercover espionage/assassination) Tsunade has agreed... perhaps because it was info that was needed, and perhaps because it took Mai far away from the village for an extended time. (one of the earlier times, Mai was gone for about 3 years, playing the part of a geisha in an efort to get close to an engineer who had helped to develop the Akatsuki cave complex. ...unfortunatly, when the man thought her more of a oiran, she killed him and fled back to Konoha.)

This last time, She was sent into lightning country to determine just why the cloud were willing to go to open warfare with the fire country over one small girl, Kita. (A whole other story) this was for the time skip. (2 1/2 years ago) (we have also played Tsunade as ever-so-slightly jealous of Mai's relationship with Kakashi, naturally, this is up to you if you want to continue this or not.)

A few months ago now, there was a rumor of a huge storm over the cloud village's area and they lost contact with Mai. Tsunade thought her possibly dead.. but hesitated to say so when Kakashi confronted her about calling Mai home.

When Jiriaya returned with Kita from walk-about (yet another tale), He mentioned that they had seen a woman looking much like Mai in rice country. Kakashi quickly headed off to make sure for himself. (this is where we are at the present, with Kakashi, Mai, Kita, and Jiraiya returning to Konoha.)

--- About Kita ---
Jiraiya met a wandering Kita and offered to teach her ninja arts... then he got into a freak accident involving a mad scientist in a cave, a bottle of mystery liquid, and a huge prismatic dragon.. which turned him into a teen. He then fell head-over-heels for Kita and spoke of marrying her when they turned of age (they were about 15 years at that time...jiraiya having randomly given them both that age.), just before taking off on a cross-country trip with her for the time-skip.
Kita spent has been taught under Tsunade as well. Kita has an affinity for healing. (Her special ability to copy jutsu's comes in handy, but when it comes to actual knowledge, she struggles along like everyone else.. so she has been a near permanent presence in the hospital lab.)

Also... When Kita first came to town may have been nothing out of the ordinary as first, but things quickly became more of an issue. Konoha ninja had several tangles with the cloud ninja.. then along came a Monk sort calling himself Mogan, who kidnapped both Mai and Kita. A quickly formed group of Konoha ninja lit out to retrieve them, but the attacks continued... especially concerning this young girl and that of Kakashi who had somehow gained Mogan's attention.

Then both Mai and Kakashi encountered the monk just outside the Konoha walls. they reported that he had said that if the cloud was not able to secure the girl, bounty hunters would be likely sent in, and they might consider war.

Tsunade quickly put Kita under village arrest and under Jiraiya's watchful eye. then sent out several teams to ascertain if there was a war party of cloud in the foothills or not. mai, yamoto and kakashi were one of the teams. instead of locating a gathering force of cloud ninja, they came upon the lone monk who laughed at their plight.

Tsunade relaxed a bit after a time, but Mogan was on the Anbu and village militia's watch-for list.

Just before the time-skip, Jiraiya took Kita with him on a walking tour. apparently, Mogan trailed after them, because when they returned, the monk was in their party, along with another newcomer to the village, Arianna. Jiraiya, as it turned out, used quite a bit of the village's coffered yen, to outbid the cloud for the monk's services! (Tsunade considered killing Jiraiya for this, even though it was very much like Jiraiya to have done so.)

--- About Mogan ---
The monk, Mogan, though did not enter the village, until invited by Jiraiya within hearing of Tsunade.. during which he also agreed to speak with her concerning his involvement with the cloud. Tsunade had three quite aggravating days with the monk, before releasing him into the village.. under watch. (He was hired by the cloud 'self-proclaimed' emperor/Raikage to seek out and retrieve a small child, alive and unharmed, to the capital, and was paid extremely well to succeed.

(Mogan, as it happens, is from outside the 'ninja lands' in an unknown area, but he refused to speak of his homeland.) Mogan was fascinated by stories he'd heard of the legendary "White Fang" and took Kakashi to be his only surviving son..which he is. So in his efforts to stay longer in the ninja lands to better learn more about the famed legend's son, he sort of waffled in Kita's capture. (He had her once, but allowed the group to free her when they got to the foothills bordering the lighting country.)

The Raikage called the girl a traitor and a thief, claiming she was a cloud ninja who had stolen their secrets and was listed in their bingo book. (this in spite of the fact that Jiraiya could not detect a single bit of previous ninja training in her when he first became her sensei.. she couldn't even walk across the water, or up a tree.) Kita claims they lie. She said she had no home before coming to Konoha.

Since beginning this fascinating task, of which Mogan claims not a single wit of regret, He has been witness to many amazing things. He has seen a man sheer off someone's whole arm just by looking at them. He has seen giants toads and dragons in battle and gotten to meet two living legends in their own right.

After speaking with Tsunade, he stayed in town approximately two weeks, using Jiraiya's place for sleeping, and checking out the sights around town, then he, along with a local herb merchant, left town together. Mogan has not been seen since.
Just recently, the herb merchant returned to town with a wagon full of things, which he took to his shop. (caught up to present rp)

More Anime

I came close to sweating it out with internet withdrawals last night. The area I live in had another one of its infamous thunder and lightning displays and totally kerzapped my connection. Fortunatly, there was a replacement to be had, and my computer seems to have *cof* weathered the situation without error.
___
Here are more anime selections for you to peruse. Have at!

Blue Seed
It's a bit bloody, but the story progresses well. Adventure, comedy, and romance, a very nice combo. I do wish the series continued just a bit further though. Lol! Rather strangely for me, I thought the scenery in this anime was as engaging as the plot!
And ancient enemy was arisen over the cities of Japan and Huge nasty monsters devastate the area. Its up to one lone girl to sacrifice all that she is, in an effort to save her homeland. But she won't be leaving without a fight! Together with her half-human protector and a small group of professionals, She's out to cut them down to size before its too late! There are 26 + 3 ova episodes to this anime.


Momiji and Kusanagi-san of Blue Seed


Eureka 7
This series has quite a complicated and somewhat enigmatic plot, which is likely what I enjoy most about it. Makes it rather hard to explain in a single sentence though. It involves, a boy, a girl, an alien race, mecha, air surfing, and a nasty war. There are about 50 episodes to this anime.


Eureka and Renton of Eureka Seven

Pretear
I don't often care much for the 'magical girl' genre but this one is kind of cute. Its a bit like a cross between the stories of Cinderella and Snow White. :D
7 Knights of Leafre have an urgent need for a pretear to help them combat the Princess of Disaster and they find her... in the form of 16 year old Himeno. There are 13 episodes to this anime.


Saseme of Pretear

Added Anime

School Rumble
This might be a typical school comedy/romance kind of thing, yet I really enjoyed how each of the characters got to share some of the spotlight in each of the episodes. Somehow seems rather rare to see. Poor rebel Harima, has fallen for a for a girl in school and he simply cannot bring himself to confess. It doesn't help that, not only is she as dense as he is, but she has a crush on someone else.

Kenji Harima(without shades) in School Rumble

Munto
For a 2 episode series, this one had wonderful potential, Even if it -was- a "magical girl" kind of thing. Too bad it was soo short! The magical kingdom in the sky is in trouble and King Munto heads off after a possible source of power to help make everything right again. The source though, is in the mortal dimension.. the land of humans, and is in possession of an innocent girl there.

Munto and Yumemi of Munto

I My Me! Strawberry Eggs
I thought this short anime to be rather romantically sad and light-hearted also. It's a tale about a young man who, in desperate need for a job, cross-dresses as a woman to gain employment in a middle school as a gym teacher.

Hibiki-Sensei in I My Me! Strawberry Eggs

Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi
Its a magical shinto-style tale about two young children having to face the pivot of growing up. Especially after they find themselves on a magical journey through time and mind in the effort to find where they started. (be aware that there may be some cartoonish nudity seen in this short series, own discretion sort of thing.)


Sashi from Magical Shopping Arcade.

Gensomaden Saiyuki (Monkey)
A story based on a legendary Chinese tale, with updates for the times? Its about a monk who travels with a crew of three (plus one small jeep transforming dragon) toward the west in efforts to stop the resurrection of a demon lord. They are unlikely companions, often getting into disputes with one another, and yet fight on the same side in defense of each-other as need warrants. This all of course, doesn't really explain much of the central plot which is fairly complicated. I do wish there was more of this one.


Cho Hakkai and Hakuryuu of Saiyuki

Another Theme Song

This one was suggested for Arianna..and how she feels for Mogan.

Everytime we Touch
by Cascada

I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.

A bit more Anime/Manga

This is Urahara or "the Hat n Sandals guy" of Bleach. I love this fellow's easy-going manner, even while knowing how much there must be going behind his hat-shadowed eyes.

Questionable Survey?

kisses or hugs? Hugs!
real or memorex? an off-brand XD
if you had to pick a meat dish for Thanksgiving other than turkey, what would it be? ham, of course.
have you ever broken a bone? yep Broke several foot bones.
is there someone who you like at the moment? sure
when was the last time you cried and why? a week or so ago -Feeling overwhelmed by life. It happens.
anime or cartoon? Anime!
have you ever cried over a movie? yep.
do you think aliens exist? sure.
what are you most scared of? The unknown, Fire, and being utterly alone.
pants or skirts? pants/slacks/jeans/trousers complete with an old comfortable T-shirt and flip-flops
What is your favorite season of the year? Fall. something nice about the cooling temperature and falling leaves.
scary or funny? Funny.
do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Sometimes.
day or night? night
silver or gold? Gold. It looks better against my skin.
saturday or friday? Friday evenings, ohyeah!

The New Indy

I am told she got the fancy mark around her eye when she flew through the portal.. (which was an accident) and found herself standing on the docks of Stormreach...which all told, is a Most interesting place to see. was this dungeons and dragons online?

A New Day

Finally got a bit of music up onto this silly blog of mine. It's been awhile in coming, I know, but thats the way it goes sometimes for me... a slow even pace makes for a rather nice result. Being as I have never done well when rushed, thats the attitude I have developed with this blog. I don't write in it everyday.. but I do try to get to it when time and thought occurs. I don't set myself up for rushing at the last moment... just take it as it goes.

The music list is far from complete as I really have just gotten it underway. More songs will be added as time goes along, I'm sure. Be aware, as I have often said before.. I have varied and diverse tune-likes so youl be sure to get a little of just about any sort of genre in that list. (I do have a tenancy to lean more towards easy-style songs.. like pop, rock, country, natural, and other such, and more away from driving, hard, hate-filled, and depressing stuff.. just so's you know. :)

I Finally managed to locate a portal to Stormreach the other day. When I got there, Indy was needfully away on quest, so I got a small tour from one of her roomies, an enchanted suit of armor called Alphonsia. It was a great tour. I got to meet several of the local shop owners, and even a number of locales needing help. She told me a lot about the land and how invaluable Indy had been to her and Mungo. Where Al was a large hulking clerical helper, Mungo was her polar opposite. He was small, lithe, and a thiefy sort. He seemed quite the fun-loving flirt though and readily laughed along with the amusing story situations Al was describing, even if they were at times, at his own expense.
It seems Indy has retained her want for wings/flight and has received her first gift of a ring of featherfall. To help with those hard landings, I'm sure. I didn't see any pixies so I suppose she is safe in that regard..although I have heard it described that she has taken issues with a particularly persistent wraith. I can agree with her want for fleeing in this one, those ghost types are seriously scary!

Randomness

Hiyas, nothing exciting to tell about, mostly just thought to check in here and let you all know I'm still paying some attention. No particular reason for that though, just the usual randomness.

The holiday(s) of st patricks and easter have been rather low-key for me. Not sure why. Guess it just happens once in awhile... I actually do -not- feel much like celebrating.

Sir Coon, my cat, escaped to the great outdoors several days ago. (It's kind of a long story as to how he became an indoor cat, which involves several seasons of rooftop rescues and bloodilly disgruntled rescuers) Anyway.. as evening drew near I got pretty worried about the scamp. (the brave coyotes in my area enjoy midnight snacks o furball.) When he did something predictible and started crying from up on the roof. (He likely got to meet one of the Real coon monsters that often use the roof as a nighttime highway) eesh, if I had not been sooo gratefull to see his fuzzy face peering anxiously down at me, I would have -really- given him a what-for for scaring me so badly! And it wasn't just me either, by that evening, I had everyone in the house out exploring the neigborhood searching for him. Sure hope he's had enough of the exploring spirit for a bit. whew!

I'm growing a bit weary of the homeschool thing. How come -I- didn't get a spring break?! I want one of those too! oh wait.. thats right, I had break early. dern it! It was a working holiday though! Thats not fair! beh.

One of the sites I sometimes visit, called Gaia, really seems to be going through a lot of disgruntling issues of late. seems like not much is working correctly...and the team coders are all off concentrating on putting together their own 'maplestory-ish' game... so are not fixing the issues on the site. Going to be interresting to see which will happen first. their opening the battlegame first..to the accompaniment of vast cheering and rushing of the inner gates to be the first inside.. or the death of the site due to the anger of the users complaining that nothing is working right and the horrible loss of precious coins. Sure hope they get that game out quick!

My beloved household leader, Indy, has also moved on from Dereth... and can now be found just starting out within the area of Stormreach. I might just have to find the correct portal and go join her there at some soon point. :) It'l be great to see her again!

oh. as I understand it, my friends living within Konoha have mostly gone walk-about in different directions. I'm sure they will return together at some point. mr J and ms K have wandered off, exploring the land together, and mr K and ms R have returned to his family home to iron out a few difficulties, as I understand it. but mr K still plans on his next rank in schooling, so can't stay gone for too long. mr Kk got rather ill for a time there.. and ms M had to leave him for something important she was asigned to do. Who only knows if or when she might return safely. -sigh- Life is so full of uncertainty.

The past is done with.
Tomarrow is all loose ends.
All we have is today. right here, right now..
So make the best of today that you absolutely can
that way tomarrow will always have the best possible chances
.. to be truely wonderful. :)

A Sad Parting

I spoke with a friend early on in the weekend and was invited to come visit. Life has, for some strange reason, become tense where I currently am and I have found myself missing my home in Dereth greatly. I walked by old stomping grounds last night, just to see what was what, and wouldn't you know it, but the old guild home has closed their webdoors for good. Everyone has gone their own way by now... off to this other world or to that. I really miss hearing from Tars.

I have once again left the RS world behind.. maybe someday yet again, eh? I am considering another change of pace in either the worlds of MS or perhaps DDO. perhaps I will simply redrown myself in the world at large for a time... I don't know... nothing is set as yet. I will consider a visit to see friends first, I suppose.

I feel a bit like I'm foundering in a sea of stillness today. no idea as to why I should be so melancholy. It makes me wonder, just a little, as to what is worth the indulgence anymore, and what isn't.

There was a bit of a verbal tussle with the rather apathetic actions of others last evening. I was so very frustrated at having had to wait so long for something I was eagerly awaiting a conclusion to, only to have it come apart at the seams once again. So..feeling like I just smacked the wall of my expectations for the same tired subject made me a little sharp in response. I became even more so to hear another, who obviously did not want the action to have happened in the first place, and who had voiced the same frustration I did earlier, be to 'oh well' about it a bit later on. This after having made an announcement stating it was done with and the whole would be skipped over. This yet further frustrated me because I had planned a part in the action that was to be skipped over.
This made several things rather clear to me with a jolt of horrible suddenness.. (much like the feeling of realizing the death of a beloved and innocently trusting pet was solely your own responsibility and fault.) Not only could I not count on someone who meant quite a bit to me, to be there in relation to the realm of rp.. but also, Reminded as to how easy it is to see the fault in others and yet how very hard it is to see the fault in yourself.
And so I withdraw in self-defense. Letting the turtle pull in his neck and limbs once more to think about actions, reactions, and dreams.. if any are left, and consider where to go from here.

My apologies if you found this muddled and confusing, but, after all, this blog was to be more for straighting out my own thoughts then actual communication with others, right?

Random Specialness

This was a special find to me, both for being one of my favorite christmas songs, and also for being JD singing, of all places, at the Vatican. His words at the end of the video were short but certainly with good indication of a central belief. John, you traveled in so many different directions looking for a bit of that peace you always seemed to sing of... perhaps you have found it, true peace, at last.

Valentines Doldrums

Wow, i'm actually posting on a holiday of sorts..on the holiday too, not before or more likely sometime after it... which is typical of me.
Today, I'm am feeling down..a little irritated or agitated, and sad. I'm not totally sure why.. it usually happens when I am feeling overwhelmed by something. that that doesn't have to actually be the case either.. I just feel it.. and it gets me down.
So here I am posting on this thing. what do you think? should I rant about all of life's woes, or cry in my tea or something? I guess I could.. don't think its ever made me feel much better though.
I suppose I'll just have to ride it out as I have before until something of interest distracts me and off I go once more.
Contrary to the color of my past, I don't find my life very interesting most times. I try to not let it get to me though.

I just need to find something that engages my brain, like a thinking game or something fun. Something thats worth the escape from dull reality for a little while. Rping has always been good fun, especially if there's a bit of character personals wound around an engaging plot. now, if only I could find a group of rpers/writers on the web that knows what I am actually speaking of. lol!
oh, and for those sewer-dwellers out there: no, I am speaking mainly 'romance-ish' stuff within a plot of action, not whatever details -you- might be thinking. lol!

Anyway, hope I find something interesting soon. I don't like feeling this way.. all at odds and ends. It doesn't suit me.

Hope you all have a wonderful St. valentine's... and do be sure to at least give a hug to your pals and let them know you care about them. Its worth the efort.

Perchance to Dream

This is the retelling of a strange dream I had. somehow, I think it could make a good plot for a roleplay game. I told this to a friend of mine (typos and all) and this is how it went.

*****
I was 3rd person observer. there was a noble family.. this apparently was slightly in the past, i think.
the older brother contracted lycanthropy.
the father, for some reason, had the brother locked up in a cell they made for him.
but he would still get out once in awhile. and would get his younger brother to go play in the woods.
because they were not sure where.. or from whom the disease had come from. they tried to forbid the younger brother to go running off to play.. especially in the woods.
but the older would still come get him out of his room to go play.
but the older brother had issues.. there were times he couldn't seem to help himself, and he would lash out.
and it frightened the younger brother.
then one day, the uncle, visiting, i think, mentioned to the younger bro, that he knew the older brother was getting out through an unused fireplace.
the younger then saw him do it.. the older brother would get out and go sneaking off, not always to the younger bro's room.. but to the kitchen
kitchen
there, he would..spit in a basin of something that resembled milk.. but was probably water and flour or something.
but none knew about that.

then, the younger brother, in some fright discovered that the uncle was telling the truth.
he had the passage in the fireplace bricked up
...something about the father.. he would always say the words, tell will tell, or time will out. this seriously annoyed the younger bro for some reason.

the father was this straight-laced noble man.. and didn't enjoy knowing he had a dirty family secret. and was always trying hard to keep everyone in line about keeping the secret a family secret.
anyway..
the older bro was really angry to discover that not only was his escape from the cage bricked up, but that his own dear brother was responsible for it.
time passed.. weeks..months, i think

then one day... a young cousin.. they were visiting, i think, the family...he and he mom.
it wasn't just a wall. the whole passage was bricked over.
this young kid.. must have been about 5 or so..
contracted lycanthropy... from having eaten something that contained the older brothers spit.
this put the whole house in an uproar. they didn't know quite what to do.

they couldn't put the youngster in the case with the brother, because he'd simply be torn apart.

i don't know. the kid was a bit spoiled.. he must have eaten something none else would in the house?
well.. they didn't have the will to build the 5 year old a cage to keep him in.
they thought, perhaps they would have to have him guillotined..


but the father was dragging his heels on making a decision.
the kid was fine but for occasional bouts of trying to bite.. but it was still fairly controllable.
the older brother heard of it and said, ohno! you can't kill the poor lad. he's an innocent!
then he'd turn a bit and snicker under his breath.
i got the impression that the older brother was -trying- to make things bad for the father.
Gee, you think, after he was locked up for so long. lol
i thought it might be because he didn't appreciate the way the father was treating him.
but looking at it from the father's pov... the father loved his family. even the older brother, who was his heir

perhaps he had him caged because he couldn't bare the thought of killing him.
but the older brother didn't see it like that at all.
anyway.. that was about the story of my dream. it was a lot of detail and followed along in an un-scattered fashion.
*****

Another Possible Theme Song

Will this be the next theme song for a love lost? It might just be if something isn't done fairly soon.

What Hurts The Most
by Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Reintro and Yet Another World.

I was informed that it's been a while since putting anything here and I should.. so here goes. *turns Ramble switch to *on*

Hey there! My name is sunny-elf ..yeah I know, strange name but.. thats the way it goes sometimes. Before I spent time in Dereth, which you may have heard of..or maybe not, I was brought up in another world. Now, I know what you are thinking.. you are thinking that either I am a wonderful yarn-spinner, or somehow I have managed to have a jam-packed adventurous life thus far. Either or both of those could possibly be correct. *grin* Think I'll just leave it up to you to figure which is for-sure fact, and which is just wishful thinking, ok?

Anyway.. you ever get told something.. and you spend so much time believing it was just as you knew...only to find out there's so much more to it and then you spend quite some time just trying to wrap your brain around the new facts?
Well the fact is, there are places, all around the world, even now, where there are little nests of communities where time seems to have slowed down..if not gone a bit backward. It's true. you see them here and there.. like ghost towns, only living. I spent my first several years in such a place. My world was quite a bit smaller then I took it for, apparently, because when I finally saw some of the rest of the world I actually lived in, I was completely blown away. (also known as a terrible case of culture shock.)

The little place I spent those first years in, were, for lack of a better description, in the great wilds of the 'back-woods' north country.
It seems, that while the rest of the world was rocking to tune of dead stones, We were still hopping to the beat of shaved fish in blue shoes. While the rest of the world was learning the tech of computers, we were lucky to have a tv.. one tv.. in the living room, that actually got color channels. While the rest of the world was watching law and order.. we were watching Hee Haw. (hows that for lawful order?! lol) I guess you could say we were a bit behind the times. so if my language sounds a bit ..dated.. that would be why.
I know it's a little hard to believe, especially if you live in today's world(read: big cities). Seriously, We didn't have micro's.. or xboxes.. or even working dryers half the time.

I am, as I once said, the youngest of a fair number of kids, the nearest to me, is my elder by at least 5 years. (I wasn't exactly expected, so I understand "...born on the way.") My mom was a hard-working German lady with close-minded folks. and my dad was a stern and stubbren Scotsman who worked on the roads. We were a bit superstitious, A bit of the bully, and usually found tom-boying about in the miles of forest we called 'our territory' or curled up somewhere, reading an old book, or snitched comic. (It's where I learned to love the dictionary, by the way. :) I was adept with words and spelling before I had even started school. (no, we didn't have a one-room wooden schoolhouse.. although I think there was one in the area of a cabin we first lived in.)

When I was still far too young, my mom died. and as she was the glue that kept us together.. we split up much like a bursting star, and took off for other parts. sometimes, we would come back together.. one or two of us at a time.. but then we were off again just as quickly as ever, learning the traveling gypsy way.

I have had to learn a few things in order to get along in all this moving about. One thing I have learned is.. from about the age of 4 to 104 everyone has at least one story to tell. and oftentimes.. there is wisdom to be found in them. I also learned the value of friendship. Some friends, can be as close as family and are at least as important as such to me, maybe more so.

misery cont.

I feel uchy.. still sick. not much else I can say about that. havent had the energy to do much more then mope and cough.

Did It Again!

yeass it's another character theme song. This one, to those who know them, it should be perfectly obvious.

Opposites Attract
by Paula Abdul

Baby seems like we never agree
You like the movies
And I like T.V.
I take things serious
And you take 'em light
I go to bed early
And I party all night
Our friends are sayin'
We ain't gonna last
Cuz I move slowly
And baby I'm fast
I like it quiet
And I love to shout
But when we get together
It just all works out

Who'd a thought we could be lovers
She makes the bed
And he steals the covers
She likes it neat
And he makes a mess
I take it easy
Baby, I get obsessed
She's got the money
And he's always broke
I don't like cigarettes
And I like to smoke
Things in common
Just ain't a one
But when we get together
We have nothin' but fun

I take-2 steps forward
I take-2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know-it ain't fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract

Baby ain't it somethin'
How we lasted this long
You and me
Provin' everyone wrong
Don't think we'll ever
Get our differences patched
Don't really matter
Cuz we're perfectly matched

The pits of Misery

My new year has started out well, I think. I got sick. first it was some kind of super nasty flu thing, with the coughing and tossing, followed, without break, by a fierce head cold... with the sneezing and sore throat. All in all, I feel pretty cruddy of late. Haven't been in the mood for much of anything. And wouldn't you know it but... here comes school again. I am soooo not ready to climb into that yoke again!

I had been trying to get hold of one of my best friends of late.. she also caught this whateveritis... and has been on only once in nearly a week now. Hope she's feeling better quickly!
Another good friend of mine just had his b-day and was going off on holiday for a week. the down-under is going through the height of their summer months now, so he should be having a blast, so long as he stays out of the heat. lol! (It's still difficult for me to think of Santa riding into town on a surfboard.)O.O

Yet another friend is having issues with his computer. So my contact with him has been scattered at best. Wish things would work out for him. I have missed seeing him on line.

What else can I chatter about? hmm.. oh.. to those who care,...yes yes, I have kept my promise and not mentioned personal particulars. No kill I!

Its still amazing to me that so many people put -so much- value on certain physical things. So long as there is common ground.. and it stays in its proper place. Such things should not be a big deal between good friends...even across the internet. I have had some great friends on the internet all different ages, shapes, sizes and situations.

Here are a few of them...

Boo, who claimed to live near a great sea in the east.. and was just learning to type in English.
JP, a young man who's country had just changed course and he had no real concept of 'college' as we do.
Dino, from the northeast.. who went through a terrific Rl upheaval and let it cost him all of his dear friends.
Barak, one of the friends he lost... who lost me as well.
Harle, a traveler from a very busy place who dreamed of being a champion for the weak.
Arthur, from the south of south, who cried out for attention, got it, and didn't appreciate what he had.
Topher, a sweetheart who knew it..and finally found his match? at least I sure hope so!
Prez and Adder, the best of friends! Where did you go? *cry*
RW, an English teacher, traveling the world before the idea of 'retirement' could catch up to him.
Millie and family, living way up north in the wild country...and doing well, last I heard.
The chained angel, in a life of misery, finally gave a farewell performance... in silence.
Juzza, who agreed that a skunk in the mail would not please the post office.. at all. XD
The werewolf, who I made instantaneous pals with, rather in spite of the lingo fence between us.

To the Beat of Theme Songs

I run a roleplay character called Mai. This is how she feels about her bf (of aprox 14 years now) on the inside.



Love you out loud
Rascal Flatts

I have always been a little shy
I've always been the quiet type till now
And I never let my feelings show
I never let anybody know
Just how much I was so deep in love
But now that you're in my arms

[Chorus]
I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop
Baby, scream and shout
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video
Baby, leave no doubt
I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about
I love to love you out loud

You keep bringing out the free in me
What you do to my heart just makes me melt
And I don't think I can resist
But I've never been one to kiss and tell
A love this true can't be subdued
So I'm gonna let out a yell

Baby, I want the whole world to see
Just how good your love looks on me

Baby, I love to love you out loud
Yeah, I love to love you out loud

Anime Movies

Howl's Moving Castle

Nausicaa in the valley of the wind

A Day in the Life...

Welcome to the holiday season, Weee.
Nothing special so far for meee. *rolls eyes*

What more can I say?
there's been more work then play
It's this kind of day
that makes one want to say
lets just stay in bed by the way. :p

yeah I know that was a lame poem, but it really has been that sort of time so far.

It all started, I think, with my friend in the world of Rs getting unreasonably wiped out and losing a couple of irreplaceable nonrefundable items. orr.. maybe it started with the holiday make-up with relatives? now, don't get me wrong here, I'm not grumbling about the efforts at all... just a little muttering about having had to put it off. ahh the injustices of bad timing and running face-first into expectations. *I do that a lot, it seems*
Well, whichever it was that started it, it's been pretty much going non-stop since then.

And then there's this little bit of news I happened across.. some poor depressed kid ended her life because her internet boyfriend got mad at her. ohh, but thats not the part that really caught my attention. It seems that a mother and nextdoor neighbor had pulled a prank on the poor girl, by pretending to be the boyfriend to 'mess with her'. Naturally, when the parents of the poor girl figured this out, they were. . a bit upset. I'd imagine I would be too, were I them.
Now, I realize.. as the article pointed out, it wasn't illegal.. even knowing that the poor girl was taking drugs for depression and everyone knew this. Drugs which, of themselves, can make a person a little unstable. The neighbor may have drove her to this end, but she didn't physicly tug the rope that did it.
I imagine the neighbor got a few pieces of hate-mail for it never-the-less.
What the nieghbor lady did, was wrong. it was vile, low, underhanded, and mean-spirited. Not to mention, yet I am, that it gives other neighbors/adults on the internet a seriously bad name. Think about it for a moment. Gives another reason for that whole, don't trust anyone over 30, thing, doesn't it?
I personally, have known several very coo neighbors surfing the web and playing games online. They aren't out there to harm anyone. and even they, I am sure, would be aghast and dismayed at this particular neighbor's actions.
Age not-withstanding, what a simply horrible thing to do to another person! You'd think, as an adult, the neighbor lady would have known better. *shoot, even most kids would know better!* The two family's were friends after all.
Well, certainly not after this. I suspect that were I the mother of the poor kid, I'd have considered doing a lot more then just trashing a Christmas pool table and throwing it's shattered skeleton across the neighbor's yard. At the very least, I would not have remained living next door to the evil dark beast.
And all this without even looking at what the poor kid's part in this was.. because however the neighbor thought the poor kid might have been deserving, What the neighbor did.. was simply very very wrong on several levels.

The lesson for me in all this is.. to remember that the internet can be most fickle indeed. -Do- guard your heart closely in this space and -do not- be giving out personal and private info about yourself and family to anyone... not even to a neighbor. (thats passwords, phone #, address, or even your real age.) It's not worth the trouble it can cause.

Personal things such as these, aren't needed for a good solid friendship to happen anyway. and Real friends, even those only found on the internet, will understand if you say you cannot tell, and leave it at that.

More vids

Chirstopher Walkin in.. Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice.


Walk without rhythm, it won't attract the worm
-Dune

Letters Backward

I finally decided on a home away from home.. (getting tierd of waiting on the derethan portal here.) So I've joined a friend on RS to see what it's like. Hope I'm not being too confusing with this. For me it's a whole new place and, as always, it's really difficult starting out. But I've gotten some arrows and a staff now for casting... so hopefully it will give me the start I need. Atm though, I look a bit like a farmer in leather bib overalls... just need to change my hat a straw yellow.


....
Letters To others, they know who they are, I'm sure.

To a claimed follower...
you still back there? lol!

To a mystery grizzly...
You still back there too? O.O Who the heck -are- you?! Shove off already!

To a group of 'Cindi-did-it' leaders...
If it has not yet, it will come back to you, you know. Some people call it karma, others retrubution. might even call it eye for an eye.. but whatever it is.. the deeds have not been forgotten and you -will- have to pay for it...during or afterward. I'm still sorta hoping for both.

To the eforts of a -very- few in a lion's den...
ty. the potter's wheel is still spinning for me and the horse actually walked away from the barn this time!

To the A-frame at the lake...
You were a balm to a troubled time for me. Ty for letting me visit.

To an old friend who thought the worst of me...
I truely was innocent, both with intent and in deed. I only hope someday you figure that out.

To a sweetheart with a brand new duck...
Things sure have changed eh? A lot of water under the bridge. We had some fun times. Still sorry I had to end it. Hope all is well with you.

And to yet another, high-flying over other lands...
Ahemmm.. sorry. *blush* Be well. oh and.. she's still pretty cute in legacy for you. -_-' (I know I said I wouldn't tell.) Still miss you, way inside somewhere.. and it still hurts, but at least its a nameless quiet sort of pain now.

To a grounded angel and star-chaser..
Why did you have to go and do something so.. ~Stupid!!~ If for no other reason, you totally screwed up the game for me! alright fine, I'll give it another whirl sometime. I really loved that game too. *grumble*

To a brother...
Where the heck are you?!!

To a friend in total layout...
Ok ok.. I'm getting over it, I think. Thanks for talking so much. :D Guess we could try to carry on, only -this- time.. you do the leading! oh and.. they were just leaves, sheesh. ty anyway though. :)

To a friend in love...
Don't sweat the small stuff, k? yer cool, all's good. you love eachother right? it's all that should really matter in the grand scheme of things. Hang in there and tell the bad thoughts to take a hike. Things will work out.

To an Oryconner and a true friend...
Great! Have fun! then get back here! I miss you!

Anime Lipsincing & About Home

I couldn't help it. Every once in awhile I come across a music video that has been dubbed together really really well with animation.
Here is one..

Every Little Thing She Does with Linus in Peanuts


...

These next vids are of my home in Dereth. Known outside as Asheron's Call. I really miss it.






One of my favorites..


...

and Last, but certainly not the least of which is Runescape.. home away from home.

Another Time Around the Wheel

Here is a song a friend turned me onto.. somehow it seems to work with me right now. The second one was in theme to the title of this posting.

How To Save A Life
by The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

The Potter's Wheel
Words by Bill Danoff, Sung by J. Denver

The world is fast becoming younger
The news is all theyve ever known
Theyve seen the wars, the hurt, the hunger
How will they choose when they are grown

What do you tell forevers children
When its their turn to hurt and heal
Whatever spins a grim tornedo
Can also turn a potters wheel

Take a little clay
Put it on a wheel
Get a little hint
How God must feel

Give a little turn
Listen to a spin
Make it into the shape
You want it in

Tell with your life the bloody story
Teach to theyre dreams not burning steel
Its not in bombs where lies the glory
But in whats shattered on the field

The potters wheel takes love and caring
Skill and patience fast and slow
The works it makes are easily broken
Once they survive the potters throw

Take a little clay
Put it on a wheel
Get a little hint
How God must feel

Give a little turn
Listen to a spin
Make it into the shape
You want it in

Some day some children will be digging
In some long forgotten ground
And theyll find our civilisation
Or whats left of it to be found

Theyll find the weapons of destruction
But buried deeper in the hole
Theyll find a message and a promise
In the sand, the potters bowl

Take a little clay
Put it on a wheel
Get a little hint
How God must feel

Give a little turn
Listen to a spin
Make it into the shape
You want it in

Earth and fire and wind conspire
With human hands, and love, and fire

Take a little clay
Put it on a wheel
Get a little hint
How God must feel

Lower then Low

Not a good evening for me today. Feeling low.. a little betrayed/disappointed.. a bit tearful and lost, I think.

My efforts to make a bit of fun for someone.. along with others, which has managed to stretch over almost a week now.. involving lots of planning, chatting, and extending to get it all to working after a fashion with everyone, has completely broken down and crashed into tiny splinters at my feet. All with no real hope for recovery.

So here I sit, pondering... not only why it all had to crash just when it did, but why I even truly made all the effort in the first place.. it's just over the stupid internet, right? And then there's the confusion.. exactly why does it seem to hurt so much?!

Well. -sigh- hopefully I will get over the horrible shock of it all and get on with other things sometime soon. I can't stand feeling like this. I'm sure I'll post again at another time. TTFN

*smirks at her own slapped red hand.*
so much for that idea, huh?

Take two, they are small.. but Significant

This is for a potential friend in something of a low unhappy funk.

I know you don't want to hear it, you probibly think you dont need anything at all. but It's nice to somehow to know the offer is there. At least it was to me.

You do have a friend in me if you want or need it. I can make a fairly nice sounding board for whatever you feel the need to share. (as long as I understand first that the sounding-out isn't about me.) or even just as a shoulder to lean on, or to hang around with. Even if it is only 'virtual.'

All I ask is that you remember.. in order to make a good friend, you must first be one. My hand is out there for you to take... but you still need to actually take it.

You Never Know
Author Unknown

You never know when someone
May catch a dream from you.
You never know when a little word,
Or something you may do
May open up a window
Of the mind that seeks the light
The way you live may not matter at all...
But you never know - it might.

And just in case it could be
That another's life through you.
Might possibly change for the better
With a broader brighter view.
It seems it might be worth a try
At pointing the way to the right.
Of course, it may not matter at all,
But then again it might.

The Greatest Pain In Life

The greatest pain in life
is not to die,
but to be ignored.
To lose the person you love so much
to another who doesn't care at all.
To have someone you care so about so much throw a party...
and not tell you about it.
When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.
To have people think that you don't care.

The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.
To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.
To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".
When you show someone your innermost thoughts
and they laugh in your face.
For friends to always be
too busy to console you
when you need someone to lift your spirits.
When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.

Life is full of pain,
but does it ever get better?
Will people ever care about each other,
and make time for those who are in need?
Each of us has a part to play
in this great show we call life.
Each of us has a duty to mankind
to tell our friends we love them.
If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.
You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...
as you have done to others.

It was said, that this poem had been writen by a young girl who commited suicide. It speaks of a lot of sadness and lonelyness, doesnt it? Would anything have turned out differently for her if someone had given her a bit of unconditional love, care, and attention?
Just as a smile, given to someone you pass by on the street, might make thier whole day a bit nicer... so too, having friendship.. -a real friendship-, friends who care somthing about eachother, could make all the difference in the world to someone in silent need... just as the author of this poem was.

I had an internet friend commit very real suicide one day when I was saddly stuck offline right about this time of the year. He ment a great deal to me, perhaps, more then even I realized. We would often play Starcraft together with another friend. Since he has gone, I have lost much of my taste in this game I once loved beyond all others. I cannot even seem to do much more then look at it on occation, even now. In one way, I feel a bit guilty, perhaps if I had been able to be there when he most... when he -had- to speak with someone. Perhaps if we had been closer friends somehow... perhaps.. perhaps... I don't know what the answers might be. I do feel he is truely gone though. and it has once again, reminded me just how important friendship can really be.

None of us are truely alone. Someone somewhere really -does- care something about you in this world. It is a selflessly offered sort of love and honest concern for who you really are. It is not unhealthy, or for pretend or even simply 'convenient'. and it can be found.. even across this wide web.
Be thankful for that which you have in your life. the good things, and the things that made you grow. Where would you be now if you didn't have them, things like family, friends, and hot shower water?
Be thankful for your friends and smile a little bit. life really isn't as bad as you might think. Truely, I have been there.. and am constantly revisiting, it seems. If nothing else, take this as a piece of wisdom from me to you. Think on it a bit. It really is important.


"Don't go, Because you have been down there before, Neo. You know that road...and you know exactly where it ends." Trinity in The Matrix

"Cause I been there, done that, learned what I should know,
Got the footprints on my T-shirt, got the bruises I can show."
Echo's Children/Cat Faber

"In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry, you make it double
Don't worry, be happy"
Bobby McFerrin

Another run-by Posting

Not much of a day to speak of today. I have been suffering tech issues a fair bit, think I might have to redo everything that has been done up to this point and start over. So I bided my time playing cards-capture and generally being lazy.

I also checked in on a friend in the world of RScape. she seemed rather bored with all the back and forth across the cattleyard that she was having to do. well, hopefully it got her a bit closer to her goals. She's hoping to become a proficient crafter, which will be a good thing if she can just get her skill high enough.

Anyway.. Here's another song or two for ya. For some reason, these songs bring back such memories. hmm

Smokey Mountain Rain
by Ronnie Milsap

I thumbed my way from LA back to Knoxville
I found out those bright lights aint where I belong
From a phone booth in the rain I called to tell her
I've had a change of dreams I'm comin' home
But tears filled my eyes when I found out she was gone

Smokey Mountain rain keeps on fallin'
I keep on callin' her name
Smokey Mountain rain I'll keep on searchin'
I can't go on hurtin' this way
She's somewhere in the Smokey Mountain rain

I waved a diesel down outside a cafe'
He said that he was goin' as far as Gatlinburg
I climbed up in the cab all wet and cold and lonely
I wiped my eyes and told him about her
I've got to find her!
Can you make these big wheels burn?

Smokey Mountain rain keeps on fallin'
I keep on callin' her name
Smokey Mountain rain I'll keep on searchin'
I can't go on hurtin' this way
She's somewhere in the Smokey Mountain rain

I can't blame her for lettin' go
A woman needs someone warm to hold
I feel the rain runnin' down my face
I'll find her no matter what it takes!

Smokey Mountain rain keeps on fallin'
I keep on callin' her name
Smokey Mountain rain I'll keep on searchin'
I can't go on hurtin' this way
She's somewhere in the Smokey Mountain rain


Wildfire
by Michael Martin Murphey

She comes down from Yellow Mountain
On a dark, flat land she rides
On a pony she named Wildfire
With a whirlwind by her side
On a cold Nebraska night

Oh, they say she died one winter
When there came a killing frost
And the pony she named Wildfire
Busted down its stall
In a blizzard he was lost

She ran calling Wildfire

By the dark of the moon I planted
But there came an early snow
There's been a hoot-owl howling by my window now
For six nights in a row
She's coming for me, I know
And on Wildfire we're both gonna go

We'll be riding Wildfire

On Wildfire we're gonna ride
Gonna leave sodbustin' behind
Get these hard times right on out of our minds
Riding Wildfire

Blehhhh.. :(

Not a good day for yours truely. I got badly surprised by an inconsiderate oaf today, got into an argument because of it and found out the oaf hurt the sounding board's ears. So tomarrow, unwillingly, I get to make up for it by spending what I think will be a major portion of the day, at said board's place twiddling thumbs, trying -really- hard not to bite anyones head off and making me out to be terrible company, which I know I am already. Why me, I wonder. Well, the answer is simple enough.. if I don't do so, who will? Certainly not the unfeeling uncaring idiot who couldn't seem to care a whim for other peoples feelings, opinions, thoughts, or anything other then his own. So like I said.. not a good day for me at all. Time for a bit of good old fashioned excapism. right?

ok. so.. hm.. I got another note from this friend of mine I call ms J. ms J lives in this rather funny realm. I got to visit it once, it's a big place, mush like mine. and walking or sometimes running is the primary mode of progress there. When Ms J started out, she was a fisher of fish..and then got into mining. poor her. Thats serious back-breaking work! Somehow she survived it though..enough to be able to pick up the smelting and crafting of jewelry. It says in the letter, that she just crafted her first enchanted amulet! good for her! *reads on a bit* Says she also picked up a reasonable boyfriend. He doesn't demand she go fight tagteam with him like so many others seem to. That's certainly a good thing. rather, he's attentive and friendly.. so Now, she says, she can safely and truthfully tell all the guys following her about whining, to take a hike. lol! She would like to pick up farming.. but has to wait on that a bit longer. hmm.

Answered Quiz

Got these questions From Texas Trifles.. I took Patty's words, "Duck duck goose, I pick YOU..." seriously. hehe :) Try it yourself.
___________

Four Jobs I’ve Held:
Babysitting (blehhk), kitchen go-for, bean picker, and housekeeping.

Four Films I Could Watch Over and Over:
The Three Musketeers, Cats The Musical, Under Seige, and 10th Kingdom!

Four TV Shows I Watch:
(don't watch much tv.. but if I did...) Star trek(+), Naruto, InuYasha, and Murder She Wrote (yeah, I know, it's all reruns now).

Four Places I’ve Lived:
Michigan, Oregon, California, and New Mexico

Four Favorite Foods:
Hot Homemade Bread, Fresh Blueberries, Baked Ham, and Steamed Cabbage. (ok, so I'm wierd.)

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
Rainy Days Blog, Texas Trifles, Neopets, and Google.

Four Favorite Colors:
Royal Blue, Dark Purple, Forest Green, and umm ?

Four Names You Love, But Could/Would Not Use for Your Children:
Alfred, Jazreal, Beau, and Jon

A Brand New World

I have gotten another letter from a friend of mine, ms M, who is living in this sweet little village. She has been on total love with this guy for years now and is finally getting some like return in feelings. I'm so happy for her! It seems they have had their own share of problems of late. One of her friends, mr J, got together with a girl, ms K, who had been traveling about the countryside as far back as she could remember. As it turned out, ms K is wanted by another country's people for some rather horrible crimes.. quite likely trumped up one's at that. Then there came this fellow.., mr M, who at first seemed only interrested in ms K, said he was hired by the other country to bring her back. but then divided his focus to that of ms M and her boyfriend, mr K. He simply will not leave them alone! They are sure this has somehow to do with mr K's father, since the man had mentioned his father's rather famous nickname. They have not had any true contact with this rather irritating man since they were last out making sure there were no enemy forces camping in their country's land. Maybe the cooling autumn weather has dulled the threat a little? or perhaps mr M has finally given up and gone back home? it can only be hoped.
Personally, I think along the same lines as ms M. This strange man, mr M, needs to be sat-down and spoken with. He's clearly in some confusion as to which side has the right of it and needs some straightening out.. and soon before this goes too far for all of them!

What? Where?...huh?

A rather scattered week is what it seems to be for me so far. I feel really rather lost with it all. Too many things going on around me.

Rather then give a run-down with all that.. I think I'll give a couple of snapshots of a past time. Lessee... I remember a time, somewhere in the dim fog of a much younger age... Lol! The time I lived in a haunted house with my father and sister. We were renting it in exchange for repairs, I think. anyway. the ghost 'resided' in a little room partitioned off from the rest of the house by a low banister, in the back of the house. as my dad got the only normal bedroom in the house, it was up to my sister and I to figure ourselves out for sleeping. neither of us would dare sleep in that little room. the, who/whatever it was, was not the best of housemates one could wish for. regardless of all that... I remember putting on a puppet show on the porch for no-one.. hows that for a highlight? *grin* I remember...climbing a tree and dreaming of a treehouse. ..of playing with bugs and the many ant-lions that inhabited the unused driveway. ..of a big bush next to a tire-swing that I could never get the hang of swinging on. ..of a bamboo stand I used to loooove to play in. ...of becoming horribly upset over a babysitting job that took the whole rest of my evening with several unruely boys, only to find out that one was still in diapers and having no means to change him.. having no place to lay them down.. no meal to give them.. and having the parents show up at 3am. (I remember swearing off babysitting from that point onward too.) ..of a time I learned that large milk jars, even if they are full of water, are not free from bursting when put over flame. ..of having to clean up the result from said 'tea' experiment because no-one else would. ..of running away from a school officer who had come around back to see if he could better figure why I was playing absent from school. (I started my rebel phase of life rather early. lol)

Just Because...

For no particular reason, I thought the idea of having a mood smiley put in with my posts. Not that I post everyday, mind you.. lol! So here's my mood at the moment.

Musical Mayhem

Everytime We Touch
by Cascada

still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.

The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.

Accidentally In Love
by Counting Crows

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

Yet Another Direction

The Sound of Silence
P.Simon & A.Garfunkel

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisperd in the sounds of silence.

Speaking for Itself

Here is a set of lyrics from "Mother Nature's Son". This Musician's music and words has been an inspiration and comfort to me for many years and saw me safely through many many stressful times.
Although this one singer is now silent.. there still is the truth of his songs. I, for one, Greatly miss his presence and messages.

On the Wings of a Dream
- J.Denver

Yesterday I had a dream about dying
About laying to rest and then flying
How the moment at hand is the only thing
We really own

And I lay in my bed and I wonder
After all has been said and is done for
Why is it thus we are here
And so soon we are gone

Is this life just a path to the place
That we all have come from
Does the heart know the way
And if not, can it ever be found
In a smile or a tear or a prayer
Or a sigh or a song

And if so, then I sing for my father
And in truth you must know I would rather
He were here by my side
We could fly on the wings of a dream
To a place where the spirit would find us
And the joy and surrender would bind us
We are one anyway
Anyway we are more than we seem

There are those who will lead us
Protect us each step of the way
From beginning to end
For each moment forever each day
Such a gift has been given
It can never be taken away

Though the body in passing must leave us
There is one who remains to receive us
There are those in this life
Who are friends from our heavenly home
So I listen to the voices inside me
For I know they are there just to guide me
And my faith will proclaim it is so
We are never alone

From the life to the light
From the dark of the night to the dawn
He is so in my heart
He is here he could never be gone
Though the singer is silent
There still is the truth of the song
In the song

Yesterday I had a dream about dying
About laying to rest and then flying
How the moment at hand is the only thing
We really own

And I lay in my bed and I wonder
After all has been said and is done for
Why is it thus we are here
...And so soon we are gone


Come And Let Me Look In Your Eyes
- J.Denver

I guess growin' isn't hard to do, just stand against the wall
Once I was just two feet high Today I'm six feet tall
But knowin' who to listen to, is somethin' else again
Words just whistle around my head like seasons in the wind

All across the water the clouds are sailin'
they won't let me look at the sky
All I want to do is try to find myself
Come and let me look in your eyes

In searchin' for the way to go I've followed all the rules
The way they say to choose between the wise men and the fools
I listened to the words they say I read what I should read
I do whatever's right to do Try to be what I should be

Someone let me in I think the sky is falling
Seems I've gotten lost on my way
All I want to do is try to find myself
Come and let me look in your eyes

But wisdom isn't underground, nor on a mountainside
Where am I to take myself, there's no place here to hide
Where can I hide

All across the universe the stars are
fadin' seems I've gotten lost on my way
All I want to do is try to find myself
Come and let me look in your eyes

Singing Songs

Here is one of my favories... probibly my only real favorite song of the band that created it. wish they had come up with a few more of these lovely pieces.

More Then Words by Extreme

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

songs and other such memorabillia

Lets see how many recall this rather old emo song..

SKIP A ROPE by Henson Cargill

Skip a rope skip a rope listen to the children while they play
Ain't it kinda funny what kids all say skip a rope

Daddy hates mama mama hates dad
Last night you should've heard the fight they had
Gave little sister another bad dream she woke up with a terrible scream
Skip a rope skip a rope...

Cheat on your taxes don't be a fool what was that they said about the golden rule
Never mind the rules just play to win and hate your neighbor for the shade of his skin
Skip a rope skip a rope...

Stab 'em in the back that's the name of the game
And mama and daddy are the ones to blame
Skip a rope skip a rope listen to the children while they play
It's not really funny what children say skip a rope
Skip a rope skip a rope

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME

Nelly Kelly loved baseball games,
Knew the players, knew all their names,
You could see her there ev'ry day,
Shout "Hurray" when they'd play.
Her boy friend by the name of Joe
Said, "To Coney Isle, dear, let's go,"
Then Nelly started to fret and pout,
And to him I heard her shout.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back,
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

Nelly Kelly was sure some fan,
She would root just like any man,
Told the umpire he was wrong,
All along, good and strong.
When the score was just two to two,
Nelly Kelly knew what to do,
Just to cheer up the boys she knew,
She made the game sing this song.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back,
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

Horn Tooting

This is a pic I created for a linguistic group using psp. It took me several weeks for this one. It was worth it for the stunned smiles I got to see as a result. normally though, I prefer cartoons...

picture removed.

...kind of like this one. Which was a cartoon of a rp character in the world of asherons call. it is a play on the fact that they had whole swarms of nasty otholi bugs and huge lugian giants that most people leveled up thier characters on... and the poor occational roadside bunny which was rarely ever worth the efort. This character's name was Kitaya btw. she was a mace-user, hence the baseball bat.

picture removed

and my very first attempt at animation made for my very first set of webpages.

picture removed

(sooner or later, I'll start another webpage, and post a part of my portfolio on it. Untill then, I'll leave you to wonder.. were these pictures actually posted here in the first place? :)

A Few Good Animes

Here's a couple more good ones.

Elemental Gelade. Story of a younge sky pirate who descovers a magical girl, and offers to escort and guard her to her intended destination.
Fushigi Yuugi. A school girl falls through a book and lands in ancient china. She then takes on the title of priestess in order to save the country she is in.
Fruits Basket. A Tale of a girl who moves in with three guys (brothers in the Sohma family) on whose property she was camping on, as a housekeeper in exchange for room and board. She then inadvertantly learns of the Sohma family secret. This begins an adventure for her in learning more about the family members and the zodiac curse particulars.


Coud of Elemental Gelade


Tamahome in Fushigi Yuugi


Kyo Sohma of Fruits Basket