Valentines Doldrums

Wow, i'm actually posting on a holiday of sorts..on the holiday too, not before or more likely sometime after it... which is typical of me.
Today, I'm am feeling down..a little irritated or agitated, and sad. I'm not totally sure why.. it usually happens when I am feeling overwhelmed by something. that that doesn't have to actually be the case either.. I just feel it.. and it gets me down.
So here I am posting on this thing. what do you think? should I rant about all of life's woes, or cry in my tea or something? I guess I could.. don't think its ever made me feel much better though.
I suppose I'll just have to ride it out as I have before until something of interest distracts me and off I go once more.
Contrary to the color of my past, I don't find my life very interesting most times. I try to not let it get to me though.

I just need to find something that engages my brain, like a thinking game or something fun. Something thats worth the escape from dull reality for a little while. Rping has always been good fun, especially if there's a bit of character personals wound around an engaging plot. now, if only I could find a group of rpers/writers on the web that knows what I am actually speaking of. lol!
oh, and for those sewer-dwellers out there: no, I am speaking mainly 'romance-ish' stuff within a plot of action, not whatever details -you- might be thinking. lol!

Anyway, hope I find something interesting soon. I don't like feeling this way.. all at odds and ends. It doesn't suit me.

Hope you all have a wonderful St. valentine's... and do be sure to at least give a hug to your pals and let them know you care about them. Its worth the efort.

Perchance to Dream

This is the retelling of a strange dream I had. somehow, I think it could make a good plot for a roleplay game. I told this to a friend of mine (typos and all) and this is how it went.

*****
I was 3rd person observer. there was a noble family.. this apparently was slightly in the past, i think.
the older brother contracted lycanthropy.
the father, for some reason, had the brother locked up in a cell they made for him.
but he would still get out once in awhile. and would get his younger brother to go play in the woods.
because they were not sure where.. or from whom the disease had come from. they tried to forbid the younger brother to go running off to play.. especially in the woods.
but the older would still come get him out of his room to go play.
but the older brother had issues.. there were times he couldn't seem to help himself, and he would lash out.
and it frightened the younger brother.
then one day, the uncle, visiting, i think, mentioned to the younger bro, that he knew the older brother was getting out through an unused fireplace.
the younger then saw him do it.. the older brother would get out and go sneaking off, not always to the younger bro's room.. but to the kitchen
kitchen
there, he would..spit in a basin of something that resembled milk.. but was probably water and flour or something.
but none knew about that.

then, the younger brother, in some fright discovered that the uncle was telling the truth.
he had the passage in the fireplace bricked up
...something about the father.. he would always say the words, tell will tell, or time will out. this seriously annoyed the younger bro for some reason.

the father was this straight-laced noble man.. and didn't enjoy knowing he had a dirty family secret. and was always trying hard to keep everyone in line about keeping the secret a family secret.
anyway..
the older bro was really angry to discover that not only was his escape from the cage bricked up, but that his own dear brother was responsible for it.
time passed.. weeks..months, i think

then one day... a young cousin.. they were visiting, i think, the family...he and he mom.
it wasn't just a wall. the whole passage was bricked over.
this young kid.. must have been about 5 or so..
contracted lycanthropy... from having eaten something that contained the older brothers spit.
this put the whole house in an uproar. they didn't know quite what to do.

they couldn't put the youngster in the case with the brother, because he'd simply be torn apart.

i don't know. the kid was a bit spoiled.. he must have eaten something none else would in the house?
well.. they didn't have the will to build the 5 year old a cage to keep him in.
they thought, perhaps they would have to have him guillotined..


but the father was dragging his heels on making a decision.
the kid was fine but for occasional bouts of trying to bite.. but it was still fairly controllable.
the older brother heard of it and said, ohno! you can't kill the poor lad. he's an innocent!
then he'd turn a bit and snicker under his breath.
i got the impression that the older brother was -trying- to make things bad for the father.
Gee, you think, after he was locked up for so long. lol
i thought it might be because he didn't appreciate the way the father was treating him.
but looking at it from the father's pov... the father loved his family. even the older brother, who was his heir

perhaps he had him caged because he couldn't bare the thought of killing him.
but the older brother didn't see it like that at all.
anyway.. that was about the story of my dream. it was a lot of detail and followed along in an un-scattered fashion.
*****

Another Possible Theme Song

Will this be the next theme song for a love lost? It might just be if something isn't done fairly soon.

What Hurts The Most
by Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Reintro and Yet Another World.

I was informed that it's been a while since putting anything here and I should.. so here goes. *turns Ramble switch to *on*

Hey there! My name is sunny-elf ..yeah I know, strange name but.. thats the way it goes sometimes. Before I spent time in Dereth, which you may have heard of..or maybe not, I was brought up in another world. Now, I know what you are thinking.. you are thinking that either I am a wonderful yarn-spinner, or somehow I have managed to have a jam-packed adventurous life thus far. Either or both of those could possibly be correct. *grin* Think I'll just leave it up to you to figure which is for-sure fact, and which is just wishful thinking, ok?

Anyway.. you ever get told something.. and you spend so much time believing it was just as you knew...only to find out there's so much more to it and then you spend quite some time just trying to wrap your brain around the new facts?
Well the fact is, there are places, all around the world, even now, where there are little nests of communities where time seems to have slowed down..if not gone a bit backward. It's true. you see them here and there.. like ghost towns, only living. I spent my first several years in such a place. My world was quite a bit smaller then I took it for, apparently, because when I finally saw some of the rest of the world I actually lived in, I was completely blown away. (also known as a terrible case of culture shock.)

The little place I spent those first years in, were, for lack of a better description, in the great wilds of the 'back-woods' north country.
It seems, that while the rest of the world was rocking to tune of dead stones, We were still hopping to the beat of shaved fish in blue shoes. While the rest of the world was learning the tech of computers, we were lucky to have a tv.. one tv.. in the living room, that actually got color channels. While the rest of the world was watching law and order.. we were watching Hee Haw. (hows that for lawful order?! lol) I guess you could say we were a bit behind the times. so if my language sounds a bit ..dated.. that would be why.
I know it's a little hard to believe, especially if you live in today's world(read: big cities). Seriously, We didn't have micro's.. or xboxes.. or even working dryers half the time.

I am, as I once said, the youngest of a fair number of kids, the nearest to me, is my elder by at least 5 years. (I wasn't exactly expected, so I understand "...born on the way.") My mom was a hard-working German lady with close-minded folks. and my dad was a stern and stubbren Scotsman who worked on the roads. We were a bit superstitious, A bit of the bully, and usually found tom-boying about in the miles of forest we called 'our territory' or curled up somewhere, reading an old book, or snitched comic. (It's where I learned to love the dictionary, by the way. :) I was adept with words and spelling before I had even started school. (no, we didn't have a one-room wooden schoolhouse.. although I think there was one in the area of a cabin we first lived in.)

When I was still far too young, my mom died. and as she was the glue that kept us together.. we split up much like a bursting star, and took off for other parts. sometimes, we would come back together.. one or two of us at a time.. but then we were off again just as quickly as ever, learning the traveling gypsy way.

I have had to learn a few things in order to get along in all this moving about. One thing I have learned is.. from about the age of 4 to 104 everyone has at least one story to tell. and oftentimes.. there is wisdom to be found in them. I also learned the value of friendship. Some friends, can be as close as family and are at least as important as such to me, maybe more so.

misery cont.

I feel uchy.. still sick. not much else I can say about that. havent had the energy to do much more then mope and cough.

Did It Again!

yeass it's another character theme song. This one, to those who know them, it should be perfectly obvious.

Opposites Attract
by Paula Abdul

Baby seems like we never agree
You like the movies
And I like T.V.
I take things serious
And you take 'em light
I go to bed early
And I party all night
Our friends are sayin'
We ain't gonna last
Cuz I move slowly
And baby I'm fast
I like it quiet
And I love to shout
But when we get together
It just all works out

Who'd a thought we could be lovers
She makes the bed
And he steals the covers
She likes it neat
And he makes a mess
I take it easy
Baby, I get obsessed
She's got the money
And he's always broke
I don't like cigarettes
And I like to smoke
Things in common
Just ain't a one
But when we get together
We have nothin' but fun

I take-2 steps forward
I take-2 steps back
We come together
Cuz opposites attract
And you know-it ain't fiction
Just a natural fact
We come together
Cuz opposites attract

Baby ain't it somethin'
How we lasted this long
You and me
Provin' everyone wrong
Don't think we'll ever
Get our differences patched
Don't really matter
Cuz we're perfectly matched

The pits of Misery

My new year has started out well, I think. I got sick. first it was some kind of super nasty flu thing, with the coughing and tossing, followed, without break, by a fierce head cold... with the sneezing and sore throat. All in all, I feel pretty cruddy of late. Haven't been in the mood for much of anything. And wouldn't you know it but... here comes school again. I am soooo not ready to climb into that yoke again!

I had been trying to get hold of one of my best friends of late.. she also caught this whateveritis... and has been on only once in nearly a week now. Hope she's feeling better quickly!
Another good friend of mine just had his b-day and was going off on holiday for a week. the down-under is going through the height of their summer months now, so he should be having a blast, so long as he stays out of the heat. lol! (It's still difficult for me to think of Santa riding into town on a surfboard.)O.O

Yet another friend is having issues with his computer. So my contact with him has been scattered at best. Wish things would work out for him. I have missed seeing him on line.

What else can I chatter about? hmm.. oh.. to those who care,...yes yes, I have kept my promise and not mentioned personal particulars. No kill I!

Its still amazing to me that so many people put -so much- value on certain physical things. So long as there is common ground.. and it stays in its proper place. Such things should not be a big deal between good friends...even across the internet. I have had some great friends on the internet all different ages, shapes, sizes and situations.

Here are a few of them...

Boo, who claimed to live near a great sea in the east.. and was just learning to type in English.
JP, a young man who's country had just changed course and he had no real concept of 'college' as we do.
Dino, from the northeast.. who went through a terrific Rl upheaval and let it cost him all of his dear friends.
Barak, one of the friends he lost... who lost me as well.
Harle, a traveler from a very busy place who dreamed of being a champion for the weak.
Arthur, from the south of south, who cried out for attention, got it, and didn't appreciate what he had.
Topher, a sweetheart who knew it..and finally found his match? at least I sure hope so!
Prez and Adder, the best of friends! Where did you go? *cry*
RW, an English teacher, traveling the world before the idea of 'retirement' could catch up to him.
Millie and family, living way up north in the wild country...and doing well, last I heard.
The chained angel, in a life of misery, finally gave a farewell performance... in silence.
Juzza, who agreed that a skunk in the mail would not please the post office.. at all. XD
The werewolf, who I made instantaneous pals with, rather in spite of the lingo fence between us.

To the Beat of Theme Songs

I run a roleplay character called Mai. This is how she feels about her bf (of aprox 14 years now) on the inside.



Love you out loud
Rascal Flatts

I have always been a little shy
I've always been the quiet type till now
And I never let my feelings show
I never let anybody know
Just how much I was so deep in love
But now that you're in my arms

[Chorus]
I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop
Baby, scream and shout
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video
Baby, leave no doubt
I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about
I love to love you out loud

You keep bringing out the free in me
What you do to my heart just makes me melt
And I don't think I can resist
But I've never been one to kiss and tell
A love this true can't be subdued
So I'm gonna let out a yell

Baby, I want the whole world to see
Just how good your love looks on me

Baby, I love to love you out loud
Yeah, I love to love you out loud

Anime Movies

Howl's Moving Castle

Nausicaa in the valley of the wind

A Day in the Life...

Welcome to the holiday season, Weee.
Nothing special so far for meee. *rolls eyes*

What more can I say?
there's been more work then play
It's this kind of day
that makes one want to say
lets just stay in bed by the way. :p

yeah I know that was a lame poem, but it really has been that sort of time so far.

It all started, I think, with my friend in the world of Rs getting unreasonably wiped out and losing a couple of irreplaceable nonrefundable items. orr.. maybe it started with the holiday make-up with relatives? now, don't get me wrong here, I'm not grumbling about the efforts at all... just a little muttering about having had to put it off. ahh the injustices of bad timing and running face-first into expectations. *I do that a lot, it seems*
Well, whichever it was that started it, it's been pretty much going non-stop since then.

And then there's this little bit of news I happened across.. some poor depressed kid ended her life because her internet boyfriend got mad at her. ohh, but thats not the part that really caught my attention. It seems that a mother and nextdoor neighbor had pulled a prank on the poor girl, by pretending to be the boyfriend to 'mess with her'. Naturally, when the parents of the poor girl figured this out, they were. . a bit upset. I'd imagine I would be too, were I them.
Now, I realize.. as the article pointed out, it wasn't illegal.. even knowing that the poor girl was taking drugs for depression and everyone knew this. Drugs which, of themselves, can make a person a little unstable. The neighbor may have drove her to this end, but she didn't physicly tug the rope that did it.
I imagine the neighbor got a few pieces of hate-mail for it never-the-less.
What the nieghbor lady did, was wrong. it was vile, low, underhanded, and mean-spirited. Not to mention, yet I am, that it gives other neighbors/adults on the internet a seriously bad name. Think about it for a moment. Gives another reason for that whole, don't trust anyone over 30, thing, doesn't it?
I personally, have known several very coo neighbors surfing the web and playing games online. They aren't out there to harm anyone. and even they, I am sure, would be aghast and dismayed at this particular neighbor's actions.
Age not-withstanding, what a simply horrible thing to do to another person! You'd think, as an adult, the neighbor lady would have known better. *shoot, even most kids would know better!* The two family's were friends after all.
Well, certainly not after this. I suspect that were I the mother of the poor kid, I'd have considered doing a lot more then just trashing a Christmas pool table and throwing it's shattered skeleton across the neighbor's yard. At the very least, I would not have remained living next door to the evil dark beast.
And all this without even looking at what the poor kid's part in this was.. because however the neighbor thought the poor kid might have been deserving, What the neighbor did.. was simply very very wrong on several levels.

The lesson for me in all this is.. to remember that the internet can be most fickle indeed. -Do- guard your heart closely in this space and -do not- be giving out personal and private info about yourself and family to anyone... not even to a neighbor. (thats passwords, phone #, address, or even your real age.) It's not worth the trouble it can cause.

Personal things such as these, aren't needed for a good solid friendship to happen anyway. and Real friends, even those only found on the internet, will understand if you say you cannot tell, and leave it at that.

More vids

Chirstopher Walkin in.. Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice.


Walk without rhythm, it won't attract the worm
-Dune

Letters Backward

I finally decided on a home away from home.. (getting tierd of waiting on the derethan portal here.) So I've joined a friend on RS to see what it's like. Hope I'm not being too confusing with this. For me it's a whole new place and, as always, it's really difficult starting out. But I've gotten some arrows and a staff now for casting... so hopefully it will give me the start I need. Atm though, I look a bit like a farmer in leather bib overalls... just need to change my hat a straw yellow.


....
Letters To others, they know who they are, I'm sure.

To a claimed follower...
you still back there? lol!

To a mystery grizzly...
You still back there too? O.O Who the heck -are- you?! Shove off already!

To a group of 'Cindi-did-it' leaders...
If it has not yet, it will come back to you, you know. Some people call it karma, others retrubution. might even call it eye for an eye.. but whatever it is.. the deeds have not been forgotten and you -will- have to pay for it...during or afterward. I'm still sorta hoping for both.

To the eforts of a -very- few in a lion's den...
ty. the potter's wheel is still spinning for me and the horse actually walked away from the barn this time!

To the A-frame at the lake...
You were a balm to a troubled time for me. Ty for letting me visit.

To an old friend who thought the worst of me...
I truely was innocent, both with intent and in deed. I only hope someday you figure that out.

To a sweetheart with a brand new duck...
Things sure have changed eh? A lot of water under the bridge. We had some fun times. Still sorry I had to end it. Hope all is well with you.

And to yet another, high-flying over other lands...
Ahemmm.. sorry. *blush* Be well. oh and.. she's still pretty cute in legacy for you. -_-' (I know I said I wouldn't tell.) Still miss you, way inside somewhere.. and it still hurts, but at least its a nameless quiet sort of pain now.

To a grounded angel and star-chaser..
Why did you have to go and do something so.. ~Stupid!!~ If for no other reason, you totally screwed up the game for me! alright fine, I'll give it another whirl sometime. I really loved that game too. *grumble*

To a brother...
Where the heck are you?!!

To a friend in total layout...
Ok ok.. I'm getting over it, I think. Thanks for talking so much. :D Guess we could try to carry on, only -this- time.. you do the leading! oh and.. they were just leaves, sheesh. ty anyway though. :)

To a friend in love...
Don't sweat the small stuff, k? yer cool, all's good. you love eachother right? it's all that should really matter in the grand scheme of things. Hang in there and tell the bad thoughts to take a hike. Things will work out.

To an Oryconner and a true friend...
Great! Have fun! then get back here! I miss you!

Anime Lipsincing & About Home

I couldn't help it. Every once in awhile I come across a music video that has been dubbed together really really well with animation.
Here is one..

Every Little Thing She Does with Linus in Peanuts


...

These next vids are of my home in Dereth. Known outside as Asheron's Call. I really miss it.






One of my favorites..


...

and Last, but certainly not the least of which is Runescape.. home away from home.

Another Time Around the Wheel

Here is a song a friend turned me onto.. somehow it seems to work with me right now. The second one was in theme to the title of this posting.

How To Save A Life
by The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

The Potter's Wheel
Words by Bill Danoff, Sung by J. Denver

The world is fast becoming younger
The news is all theyve ever known
Theyve seen the wars, the hurt, the hunger
How will they choose when they are grown

What do you tell forevers children
When its their turn to hurt and heal
Whatever spins a grim tornedo
Can also turn a potters wheel

Take a little clay
Put it on a wheel
Get a little hint
How God must feel

Give a little turn
Listen to a spin
Make it into the shape
You want it in

Tell with your life the bloody story
Teach to theyre dreams not burning steel
Its not in bombs where lies the glory
But in whats shattered on the field

The potters wheel takes love and caring
Skill and patience fast and slow
The works it makes are easily broken
Once they survive the potters throw

Take a little clay
Put it on a wheel
Get a little hint
How God must feel

Give a little turn
Listen to a spin
Make it into the shape
You want it in

Some day some children will be digging
In some long forgotten ground
And theyll find our civilisation
Or whats left of it to be found

Theyll find the weapons of destruction
But buried deeper in the hole
Theyll find a message and a promise
In the sand, the potters bowl

Take a little clay
Put it on a wheel
Get a little hint
How God must feel

Give a little turn
Listen to a spin
Make it into the shape
You want it in

Earth and fire and wind conspire
With human hands, and love, and fire

Take a little clay
Put it on a wheel
Get a little hint
How God must feel

Lower then Low

Not a good evening for me today. Feeling low.. a little betrayed/disappointed.. a bit tearful and lost, I think.

My efforts to make a bit of fun for someone.. along with others, which has managed to stretch over almost a week now.. involving lots of planning, chatting, and extending to get it all to working after a fashion with everyone, has completely broken down and crashed into tiny splinters at my feet. All with no real hope for recovery.

So here I sit, pondering... not only why it all had to crash just when it did, but why I even truly made all the effort in the first place.. it's just over the stupid internet, right? And then there's the confusion.. exactly why does it seem to hurt so much?!

Well. -sigh- hopefully I will get over the horrible shock of it all and get on with other things sometime soon. I can't stand feeling like this. I'm sure I'll post again at another time. TTFN

*smirks at her own slapped red hand.*
so much for that idea, huh?

Take two, they are small.. but Significant

This is for a potential friend in something of a low unhappy funk.

I know you don't want to hear it, you probibly think you dont need anything at all. but It's nice to somehow to know the offer is there. At least it was to me.

You do have a friend in me if you want or need it. I can make a fairly nice sounding board for whatever you feel the need to share. (as long as I understand first that the sounding-out isn't about me.) or even just as a shoulder to lean on, or to hang around with. Even if it is only 'virtual.'

All I ask is that you remember.. in order to make a good friend, you must first be one. My hand is out there for you to take... but you still need to actually take it.

You Never Know
Author Unknown

You never know when someone
May catch a dream from you.
You never know when a little word,
Or something you may do
May open up a window
Of the mind that seeks the light
The way you live may not matter at all...
But you never know - it might.

And just in case it could be
That another's life through you.
Might possibly change for the better
With a broader brighter view.
It seems it might be worth a try
At pointing the way to the right.
Of course, it may not matter at all,
But then again it might.

The Greatest Pain In Life

The greatest pain in life
is not to die,
but to be ignored.
To lose the person you love so much
to another who doesn't care at all.
To have someone you care so about so much throw a party...
and not tell you about it.
When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.
To have people think that you don't care.

The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.
To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.
To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".
When you show someone your innermost thoughts
and they laugh in your face.
For friends to always be
too busy to console you
when you need someone to lift your spirits.
When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.

Life is full of pain,
but does it ever get better?
Will people ever care about each other,
and make time for those who are in need?
Each of us has a part to play
in this great show we call life.
Each of us has a duty to mankind
to tell our friends we love them.
If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.
You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...
as you have done to others.

It was said, that this poem had been writen by a young girl who commited suicide. It speaks of a lot of sadness and lonelyness, doesnt it? Would anything have turned out differently for her if someone had given her a bit of unconditional love, care, and attention?
Just as a smile, given to someone you pass by on the street, might make thier whole day a bit nicer... so too, having friendship.. -a real friendship-, friends who care somthing about eachother, could make all the difference in the world to someone in silent need... just as the author of this poem was.

I had an internet friend commit very real suicide one day when I was saddly stuck offline right about this time of the year. He ment a great deal to me, perhaps, more then even I realized. We would often play Starcraft together with another friend. Since he has gone, I have lost much of my taste in this game I once loved beyond all others. I cannot even seem to do much more then look at it on occation, even now. In one way, I feel a bit guilty, perhaps if I had been able to be there when he most... when he -had- to speak with someone. Perhaps if we had been closer friends somehow... perhaps.. perhaps... I don't know what the answers might be. I do feel he is truely gone though. and it has once again, reminded me just how important friendship can really be.

None of us are truely alone. Someone somewhere really -does- care something about you in this world. It is a selflessly offered sort of love and honest concern for who you really are. It is not unhealthy, or for pretend or even simply 'convenient'. and it can be found.. even across this wide web.
Be thankful for that which you have in your life. the good things, and the things that made you grow. Where would you be now if you didn't have them, things like family, friends, and hot shower water?
Be thankful for your friends and smile a little bit. life really isn't as bad as you might think. Truely, I have been there.. and am constantly revisiting, it seems. If nothing else, take this as a piece of wisdom from me to you. Think on it a bit. It really is important.


"Don't go, Because you have been down there before, Neo. You know that road...and you know exactly where it ends." Trinity in The Matrix

"Cause I been there, done that, learned what I should know,
Got the footprints on my T-shirt, got the bruises I can show."
Echo's Children/Cat Faber

"In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry, you make it double
Don't worry, be happy"
Bobby McFerrin

Another run-by Posting

Not much of a day to speak of today. I have been suffering tech issues a fair bit, think I might have to redo everything that has been done up to this point and start over. So I bided my time playing cards-capture and generally being lazy.

I also checked in on a friend in the world of RScape. she seemed rather bored with all the back and forth across the cattleyard that she was having to do. well, hopefully it got her a bit closer to her goals. She's hoping to become a proficient crafter, which will be a good thing if she can just get her skill high enough.

Anyway.. Here's another song or two for ya. For some reason, these songs bring back such memories. hmm

Smokey Mountain Rain
by Ronnie Milsap

I thumbed my way from LA back to Knoxville
I found out those bright lights aint where I belong
From a phone booth in the rain I called to tell her
I've had a change of dreams I'm comin' home
But tears filled my eyes when I found out she was gone

Smokey Mountain rain keeps on fallin'
I keep on callin' her name
Smokey Mountain rain I'll keep on searchin'
I can't go on hurtin' this way
She's somewhere in the Smokey Mountain rain

I waved a diesel down outside a cafe'
He said that he was goin' as far as Gatlinburg
I climbed up in the cab all wet and cold and lonely
I wiped my eyes and told him about her
I've got to find her!
Can you make these big wheels burn?

Smokey Mountain rain keeps on fallin'
I keep on callin' her name
Smokey Mountain rain I'll keep on searchin'
I can't go on hurtin' this way
She's somewhere in the Smokey Mountain rain

I can't blame her for lettin' go
A woman needs someone warm to hold
I feel the rain runnin' down my face
I'll find her no matter what it takes!

Smokey Mountain rain keeps on fallin'
I keep on callin' her name
Smokey Mountain rain I'll keep on searchin'
I can't go on hurtin' this way
She's somewhere in the Smokey Mountain rain


Wildfire
by Michael Martin Murphey

She comes down from Yellow Mountain
On a dark, flat land she rides
On a pony she named Wildfire
With a whirlwind by her side
On a cold Nebraska night

Oh, they say she died one winter
When there came a killing frost
And the pony she named Wildfire
Busted down its stall
In a blizzard he was lost

She ran calling Wildfire

By the dark of the moon I planted
But there came an early snow
There's been a hoot-owl howling by my window now
For six nights in a row
She's coming for me, I know
And on Wildfire we're both gonna go

We'll be riding Wildfire

On Wildfire we're gonna ride
Gonna leave sodbustin' behind
Get these hard times right on out of our minds
Riding Wildfire

Blehhhh.. :(

Not a good day for yours truely. I got badly surprised by an inconsiderate oaf today, got into an argument because of it and found out the oaf hurt the sounding board's ears. So tomarrow, unwillingly, I get to make up for it by spending what I think will be a major portion of the day, at said board's place twiddling thumbs, trying -really- hard not to bite anyones head off and making me out to be terrible company, which I know I am already. Why me, I wonder. Well, the answer is simple enough.. if I don't do so, who will? Certainly not the unfeeling uncaring idiot who couldn't seem to care a whim for other peoples feelings, opinions, thoughts, or anything other then his own. So like I said.. not a good day for me at all. Time for a bit of good old fashioned excapism. right?

ok. so.. hm.. I got another note from this friend of mine I call ms J. ms J lives in this rather funny realm. I got to visit it once, it's a big place, mush like mine. and walking or sometimes running is the primary mode of progress there. When Ms J started out, she was a fisher of fish..and then got into mining. poor her. Thats serious back-breaking work! Somehow she survived it though..enough to be able to pick up the smelting and crafting of jewelry. It says in the letter, that she just crafted her first enchanted amulet! good for her! *reads on a bit* Says she also picked up a reasonable boyfriend. He doesn't demand she go fight tagteam with him like so many others seem to. That's certainly a good thing. rather, he's attentive and friendly.. so Now, she says, she can safely and truthfully tell all the guys following her about whining, to take a hike. lol! She would like to pick up farming.. but has to wait on that a bit longer. hmm.

Answered Quiz

Got these questions From Texas Trifles.. I took Patty's words, "Duck duck goose, I pick YOU..." seriously. hehe :) Try it yourself.
___________

Four Jobs I’ve Held:
Babysitting (blehhk), kitchen go-for, bean picker, and housekeeping.

Four Films I Could Watch Over and Over:
The Three Musketeers, Cats The Musical, Under Seige, and 10th Kingdom!

Four TV Shows I Watch:
(don't watch much tv.. but if I did...) Star trek(+), Naruto, InuYasha, and Murder She Wrote (yeah, I know, it's all reruns now).

Four Places I’ve Lived:
Michigan, Oregon, California, and New Mexico

Four Favorite Foods:
Hot Homemade Bread, Fresh Blueberries, Baked Ham, and Steamed Cabbage. (ok, so I'm wierd.)

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
Rainy Days Blog, Texas Trifles, Neopets, and Google.

Four Favorite Colors:
Royal Blue, Dark Purple, Forest Green, and umm ?

Four Names You Love, But Could/Would Not Use for Your Children:
Alfred, Jazreal, Beau, and Jon

A Brand New World

I have gotten another letter from a friend of mine, ms M, who is living in this sweet little village. She has been on total love with this guy for years now and is finally getting some like return in feelings. I'm so happy for her! It seems they have had their own share of problems of late. One of her friends, mr J, got together with a girl, ms K, who had been traveling about the countryside as far back as she could remember. As it turned out, ms K is wanted by another country's people for some rather horrible crimes.. quite likely trumped up one's at that. Then there came this fellow.., mr M, who at first seemed only interrested in ms K, said he was hired by the other country to bring her back. but then divided his focus to that of ms M and her boyfriend, mr K. He simply will not leave them alone! They are sure this has somehow to do with mr K's father, since the man had mentioned his father's rather famous nickname. They have not had any true contact with this rather irritating man since they were last out making sure there were no enemy forces camping in their country's land. Maybe the cooling autumn weather has dulled the threat a little? or perhaps mr M has finally given up and gone back home? it can only be hoped.
Personally, I think along the same lines as ms M. This strange man, mr M, needs to be sat-down and spoken with. He's clearly in some confusion as to which side has the right of it and needs some straightening out.. and soon before this goes too far for all of them!

What? Where?...huh?

A rather scattered week is what it seems to be for me so far. I feel really rather lost with it all. Too many things going on around me.

Rather then give a run-down with all that.. I think I'll give a couple of snapshots of a past time. Lessee... I remember a time, somewhere in the dim fog of a much younger age... Lol! The time I lived in a haunted house with my father and sister. We were renting it in exchange for repairs, I think. anyway. the ghost 'resided' in a little room partitioned off from the rest of the house by a low banister, in the back of the house. as my dad got the only normal bedroom in the house, it was up to my sister and I to figure ourselves out for sleeping. neither of us would dare sleep in that little room. the, who/whatever it was, was not the best of housemates one could wish for. regardless of all that... I remember putting on a puppet show on the porch for no-one.. hows that for a highlight? *grin* I remember...climbing a tree and dreaming of a treehouse. ..of playing with bugs and the many ant-lions that inhabited the unused driveway. ..of a big bush next to a tire-swing that I could never get the hang of swinging on. ..of a bamboo stand I used to loooove to play in. ...of becoming horribly upset over a babysitting job that took the whole rest of my evening with several unruely boys, only to find out that one was still in diapers and having no means to change him.. having no place to lay them down.. no meal to give them.. and having the parents show up at 3am. (I remember swearing off babysitting from that point onward too.) ..of a time I learned that large milk jars, even if they are full of water, are not free from bursting when put over flame. ..of having to clean up the result from said 'tea' experiment because no-one else would. ..of running away from a school officer who had come around back to see if he could better figure why I was playing absent from school. (I started my rebel phase of life rather early. lol)

Just Because...

For no particular reason, I thought the idea of having a mood smiley put in with my posts. Not that I post everyday, mind you.. lol! So here's my mood at the moment.

Musical Mayhem

Everytime We Touch
by Cascada

still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.

The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.

Accidentally In Love
by Counting Crows

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

Yet Another Direction

The Sound of Silence
P.Simon & A.Garfunkel

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisperd in the sounds of silence.

Speaking for Itself

Here is a set of lyrics from "Mother Nature's Son". This Musician's music and words has been an inspiration and comfort to me for many years and saw me safely through many many stressful times.
Although this one singer is now silent.. there still is the truth of his songs. I, for one, Greatly miss his presence and messages.

On the Wings of a Dream
- J.Denver

Yesterday I had a dream about dying
About laying to rest and then flying
How the moment at hand is the only thing
We really own

And I lay in my bed and I wonder
After all has been said and is done for
Why is it thus we are here
And so soon we are gone

Is this life just a path to the place
That we all have come from
Does the heart know the way
And if not, can it ever be found
In a smile or a tear or a prayer
Or a sigh or a song

And if so, then I sing for my father
And in truth you must know I would rather
He were here by my side
We could fly on the wings of a dream
To a place where the spirit would find us
And the joy and surrender would bind us
We are one anyway
Anyway we are more than we seem

There are those who will lead us
Protect us each step of the way
From beginning to end
For each moment forever each day
Such a gift has been given
It can never be taken away

Though the body in passing must leave us
There is one who remains to receive us
There are those in this life
Who are friends from our heavenly home
So I listen to the voices inside me
For I know they are there just to guide me
And my faith will proclaim it is so
We are never alone

From the life to the light
From the dark of the night to the dawn
He is so in my heart
He is here he could never be gone
Though the singer is silent
There still is the truth of the song
In the song

Yesterday I had a dream about dying
About laying to rest and then flying
How the moment at hand is the only thing
We really own

And I lay in my bed and I wonder
After all has been said and is done for
Why is it thus we are here
...And so soon we are gone


Come And Let Me Look In Your Eyes
- J.Denver

I guess growin' isn't hard to do, just stand against the wall
Once I was just two feet high Today I'm six feet tall
But knowin' who to listen to, is somethin' else again
Words just whistle around my head like seasons in the wind

All across the water the clouds are sailin'
they won't let me look at the sky
All I want to do is try to find myself
Come and let me look in your eyes

In searchin' for the way to go I've followed all the rules
The way they say to choose between the wise men and the fools
I listened to the words they say I read what I should read
I do whatever's right to do Try to be what I should be

Someone let me in I think the sky is falling
Seems I've gotten lost on my way
All I want to do is try to find myself
Come and let me look in your eyes

But wisdom isn't underground, nor on a mountainside
Where am I to take myself, there's no place here to hide
Where can I hide

All across the universe the stars are
fadin' seems I've gotten lost on my way
All I want to do is try to find myself
Come and let me look in your eyes

Singing Songs

Here is one of my favories... probibly my only real favorite song of the band that created it. wish they had come up with a few more of these lovely pieces.

More Then Words by Extreme

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

songs and other such memorabillia

Lets see how many recall this rather old emo song..

SKIP A ROPE by Henson Cargill

Skip a rope skip a rope listen to the children while they play
Ain't it kinda funny what kids all say skip a rope

Daddy hates mama mama hates dad
Last night you should've heard the fight they had
Gave little sister another bad dream she woke up with a terrible scream
Skip a rope skip a rope...

Cheat on your taxes don't be a fool what was that they said about the golden rule
Never mind the rules just play to win and hate your neighbor for the shade of his skin
Skip a rope skip a rope...

Stab 'em in the back that's the name of the game
And mama and daddy are the ones to blame
Skip a rope skip a rope listen to the children while they play
It's not really funny what children say skip a rope
Skip a rope skip a rope

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME

Nelly Kelly loved baseball games,
Knew the players, knew all their names,
You could see her there ev'ry day,
Shout "Hurray" when they'd play.
Her boy friend by the name of Joe
Said, "To Coney Isle, dear, let's go,"
Then Nelly started to fret and pout,
And to him I heard her shout.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back,
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

Nelly Kelly was sure some fan,
She would root just like any man,
Told the umpire he was wrong,
All along, good and strong.
When the score was just two to two,
Nelly Kelly knew what to do,
Just to cheer up the boys she knew,
She made the game sing this song.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back,
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game."

Horn Tooting

This is a pic I created for a linguistic group using psp. It took me several weeks for this one. It was worth it for the stunned smiles I got to see as a result. normally though, I prefer cartoons...

picture removed.

...kind of like this one. Which was a cartoon of a rp character in the world of asherons call. it is a play on the fact that they had whole swarms of nasty otholi bugs and huge lugian giants that most people leveled up thier characters on... and the poor occational roadside bunny which was rarely ever worth the efort. This character's name was Kitaya btw. she was a mace-user, hence the baseball bat.

picture removed

and my very first attempt at animation made for my very first set of webpages.

picture removed

(sooner or later, I'll start another webpage, and post a part of my portfolio on it. Untill then, I'll leave you to wonder.. were these pictures actually posted here in the first place? :)

A Few Good Animes

Here's a couple more good ones.

Elemental Gelade. Story of a younge sky pirate who descovers a magical girl, and offers to escort and guard her to her intended destination.
Fushigi Yuugi. A school girl falls through a book and lands in ancient china. She then takes on the title of priestess in order to save the country she is in.
Fruits Basket. A Tale of a girl who moves in with three guys (brothers in the Sohma family) on whose property she was camping on, as a housekeeper in exchange for room and board. She then inadvertantly learns of the Sohma family secret. This begins an adventure for her in learning more about the family members and the zodiac curse particulars.


Coud of Elemental Gelade


Tamahome in Fushigi Yuugi


Kyo Sohma of Fruits Basket

another bunch

Here's some more I have enjoyed.

Yakitate!! Japan. A tale of an artisan whose greatest dream is to create a unique bread.
Kamisama Kazoku. A story of an angel guardian who falls in love with the son of a god she is intended to protect. (it gets a bit deep towards the end when they encounter a soul-stealing devil... but it works out well in the end.)
Zero no Tsukaima. A struggling wizardess accidently summons a commoner from modern day Tokyo to be her familiar. (the familiar seems loyal to the wizardess rather in spite of the beatings she often gives him... but I think it's a fairly sound plot.)


Kazuma Azuma in Yakitate!! Japan


Louise the Zero and Saito Hiraga in Zero no Tsukaima


Tenko the angel, and Samatarou in Kamisama Kazoku

Anime kick

I am going through whatever anime I can find online...if it sounds of any interest whatsoever, to me, anyway. :)

D.N. Angel. Its about a boy who is raised as a thief by his mother and grandfather..but in all other respects he had a typical kid's life...until his 14th birthday... when Dark, the master shadow thief, came into his life.
Full Metal Panic. A teen raised as a merc, is assigned to protect a girl in a Tokyo school.
La Corda D'oro. A girl entering first year general in a music academy, meets a fairy who gives her a magical violin.
Karin. This is a story of a reverse vampire with a blood preference for misfortune. who, meets with a transfer student in school (whos unhappiness causes her quite a bit of grief). Add to this, one interfering grandmother, a vampire hunter schoolmate (who is in love), and a need for secrecy, and you got a highly amusing madcap tale.

Dark of D.N. Angel

Kurz Weber in Full Metal Panic


Kazuki Hihara, the trumpet player, in La Corda D'oro

Winner Sinclair in Karin

Also...

I try to keep up with several webcomics. Here are some of my favorites.

Order of the Stick Link
Girl Genius Link
Questionable Content Link
Flaky Pastry Link
Yet Another Fantasy Gamers Comic Link
Hellbound link
Purgatory Tower Link

idle moments

Hi. I have been spending a fair bit of time ruffling through an amazing amount of anime and manga of late. My favorites thus far are Naruto, Inuyasha, Tsubasa, Absolute Boyfriend and Lovely Complex. You'l likely to be hearing a bit more about these subjects before the month is out here.
For favorite characters...

It's hard to say for Naruto.. I like several of the characters in this manga. I suppose I could say though, that my favorites might be Shikamaru (for his genius.. and love for slacking off.), Jiraiya (for his funny attitude..as well as his rare serious moments) and Kiba. (because he is honorable and loyal to the people that matter to him.)

Absolute Boyfriend... I actually like the rivalry going on between the two main male characters in this story.

Inuyasha... I would probibly choose the wolf demon, Kouga. (He seems to be happilly drawn into verbal battles with inuyasha over poor kagome and yet it's easy to see he actually counts both of them as valued friends.)
Lovely Complex... I like Otani.. even if he -is- as dence as a brick wall. :)

In Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles Even though I know he has serious issues which he tries so very hard to keep hidden, I really like sweet Fai. (mostly for his little smiles, sad eyes, and fun moments in the face of such seriousness)

Kiba of Naruto.
Fai of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle.

Kouga of InuYasha.

Atsushi Otani and Risa Koizumi of Lovely Complex.

Night Tenjo of Absolute Boyfriend.

nothing much

Been a rather long and totally boring several weeks with me. I have not a whole lot to talk about really. I did some personal redecorating and found myself standing in Konoha. (ehh don't ask)
All in all, its been a fairly nice place.. has a few nice people in it. just when I was really getting to know several of them, they left on mission or some other 'vacation-type' excuse. trying to not feel lonely though.
The 4th is nearly here once more. (super blehhks:( I'm not much of a fan for the holiday. no, it has nothing to do with my sence of patriotism or any such... just that I associate it with a past..very low time in my life. Makes it rather hard to see the fireworks sometimes... but I think perhaps I am better about it when I am around people...so I'm not as likely to get depressed and start bawling my eyes out or something.
Anyway, thats about it... Hope you all have a good 4th.

General Rant

I hate finding myself in the disagreeable position of being able to see both sides of a view point.. when I am on one side of it.

A city warning was posted at the door because someone has been complaining the grass in the backyard is a few inches too long.

on the one hand, I understand how people don't want a junkyard located in the middle of their neigborhood but.. doesnt this seem just a little bit overzelous? I mean, what did they do? get out a ruler and sneak over the back fence in the middle of the night to measure the grass blades?

There was one for a downed tree branch as well. not a big one, mind you.
and one for having a vehicle parked alongside the side fence.
I'm still waiting to get one for jaywalking across my front lawn... or.. getting one for actually having a tree.. obstructing binocular views of my porch.

Must be some seriously bored unhappy people around the neigborhood I live in. They are so bored of their own business they have to stick their noses over the fence to complain about mine. and here I always thought living in the countryside ment space.. a private life....

I guess I have to move further out.
Its too bad really. It's a really sweet place and in a nice spot too.

the blehs

here I am.. bored practicly to tears... nothing seems to catch my interrest of late. not even that of a really good book. I'm in something of a quandry as to which way to turn next. which direction I should go... and getting nowhere with all the indesision. Sure hope I can pull myself back out of the middle of the doldrum swamp soon. this situation gets really old with me fast.

stunned sorrow

Wow... I am once again stunned by the cold ferocity potential in people. Even though I have have been through soo mamy lows and highs of life's hardships, I always seem to feel so very sheltered and somehow oblivious upon hearing of such horrible violent news... that could, and has, happened in normaly mundane and peaceful enviroments.

My heart goes out to those who have suffered at the hands of such senceless anger as seen in the news of late, as well as to thier families whose grief cannot be measured in mere words.


I recall a time... when I found myself unwittingly under the iron fist of abuse. It took me many years to get over the hurt, anger and pain of it all.. untill I gradually realized... they might be now beyond the laws of man, but they hurry so, to face the ultimate judge's ruling, for which they shall be made acountable... no escape, no fast-talkin deals.

I'm actually glad of this, because I am certain I would make a terrible judge, already biased, as I am, against them. I'm afraid I'd be tempted to do something to them quite a bit lower, or at least as vile as they did to thier victims. Not something I'm pleased to admit, but at least its truthful eh?

Soo..for some reason, finally groking this, has caused me to release the grudge I harbored inside. I no longer feel the pained-anger quite so much. Rather, I simply feel profound saddness that such things happen. Sad that, in defence for my own future, I have had to stuff a year or so of my growing years into a mentally bound-up 'box' and stash it in the blocked-off 'painfull-moments' section of my mind, so I can get on with living.
Yeah, I forgive them for being such infernal idiots.. and will leave it up to the bigguy to deside what, if anything, should be done with them in life's aftermath.

Besides, holding all the bitterness inside was just eating me up, not any help whatsoever, so it was with some relief that I finally got shed of it.

Oops_there she goes again

Once more, the random ill-timed portal has swept me away from my home in Dereth and I have found myself standing outside the gates, sadly looking in. Who only knows how long it will be before I can once more respond to Asherons Call. Bleh.. I'm feeling lonely already!
I may be something of a fool at times, but this isn't much of an April joke. heh.. Guess Its time to slide back into the saddle on another "gamin" pursuit. I'll get back to you on this, I'm sure.

Sorry for the long time between posts, btw.

Another portal

Welcome to the first of another month.

This evening, Indy and I were enjoying a moments respite at the villa, trying to gather the rest of the household in one place and settle old squabbles. When urgent news came to us that the Prince of Dereth was going to try to open a portal to Bur... a strange land that dear asheron had been taken when he was abducted by the new undead. (I was wondering just where those nasty critters were coming from!) Indy desided to go help out and ran off to the summoning site outside holt.

She was on her way up the hill when a whole group of very nasty creatures hissed into being around and behind her. thankfully, the warrioress knew to beat feet, and she zowwed through the essembly, trailing unliving horror in her wake.

After a quick turn-about, she joined in the fight, helping to mow over several bunches of the undead spell-casters.. then just as she thought she might just make it through to the portal's opening, her world halted and the next thing she knew, she was standing at the lifestone.

Under previous agreement, I shed bunches of things weighing me down for a dash to the site to see what help I could give. I got there just as the portal went up and watched as several of Dereth's finest and fittest warriors carefully stepped through, leaving me enveloped in the silence of aftermath.

I found Indy's body, lying near the portal steps along with several others who had died protecting the prince.

There are those, who growl and complain about such massive events like this one, even while it is yet going on. It was a needed thing though. We had the one chance..
Was it better to have remained ignorant of this opportunity of rescue? the nay-sayers seem to think so.

Asheron is needed... safe, and away from the decaying claws and screeing enemies of all of Dereth.
To the warriors who answer the call, as well as those who scorn the action.. this means life and freedom for all of us. I'm not really sure why you doomsayers cry so loudly at times.

Strange how it all seems something of a reflection of another battle... ongoing even now. Sure makes one wonder, doesn't it?

Welcome to the New Year

I have managed to spend a bit of time out at frost haven on VT. Fortunatly, most of the folks I have met, are friendly and willing to share excess coals in the aftermath of Scold's destruction. The other evening, Indy and I got to meet up with some UK friends

There was a quest invite too! I bowed out as it sounded far too dangeous for me, but Indy gladly accepted a 'wolf' guide for the flagging. She then got this marvelous tour of the Viam islands and loved the company so much (they have much in common) she laughed off the death (due to buffs falling in the middle of a Ruk settlement)and was thankful never-the-less, that her guide thought to take her back for her things. The rest and hardest part of the quest takes place later today. I do hope its as much fun for her as the tour was. :)

I also got a letter from a friend in the realm of NWN. Drum, who is a goblin, has been enjoying life on an Italian server of late. Which is funny to me, as he seems more adept at gobbledee-speak then he is at any other known language.

He tells me that he ran into a few difficulties this last evening. He had joined a group with a friend of his, who was watching, with some small trepidation, as the rest of the party went about the task of beating on some very nasty mobs. Just one of which could likely kill either one of the two of them if not both together. At one point, the group leader had died and asked for resurection. Drum's friend didn't have a res rod, so asked Drum to help. Goblin's are, by thier very nature, something of a cowardly lot... but Drum carefully made his way to the fallen leader, brought him back... then quickly ran for the nook they had been standing in, once more.
Since Drum was now out of rods as well, he elected to return to town and get another.. asking his friend to let him know when the leader was close enough for him to safely return. She asked if he would fetch a rod for her as well... so he did and gave it to her on his return.
After a moment, the leader had returned to the now regathered group... and attacked Drum's friend... who killed him in total surprise! After he was again brought back, he booted the friend from the party. Drum was rather upset and confused as to why the group leader would do this. He writes that he got two messages from the ensuing conversation.
The leader thought Drum's friend was dragging exp from the group for standing there and not helping. And that it didn't help that she didn't speak Italian.. on an Italian server. (Drum tells me, this was not so, exp-wise, as the lowest member of the party actually boosts exp for all members of the group.)
Sometime after this, he writes, another member of the now desolved group, joined with the two of them to go after the big bears. But they popped into the middle of those horrible mobs from before and were killed while the 'joiner' left them to thier fate completely. Drum has since been added to a dislike list himself for being a party to all of this.

I realize it all likely arose from a misunderstanding. The group was not privy to the convo about the res rods between Drum and his friend. Both wanted to be of help, however they could... but it aparently wasn't good enough.
On the upside, if one can be said to be had, He thinks there are still a few friendlys on the server.
Perhaps he might yet come out of this with only a few scars to show.. or perhaps he has been soured to the server as a whole now and will no longer adventure there... I'm not sure.
It's a shame when people are like this.. simply because of a language difference. Personally, I greatly enjoy getting to meet and making friends with people from many different walks of life... From many different places around the world. There is so much of interrest to learn from one-another.

Ciao :)

Christmas fun!

Indy related this fun tale of the time she came against the horrible snowmonster out in the north diamond golem country. This last Evening, she was out escorting a clanmate to the snowman village when the monster showed up and stomped all over this one snowfellow's carrot patch. As there were already several battling the moneter, she didn't think much of it at first, finally bringing out her wand for a couple of vuln-type spells. Then she heard one of the fighters complain that this monster had some amazing endurence. so when the monster came her way after a particularly well-cast spell, she brought out sword and shield to join the battle. It took quite some time to fell the beast, and quite a bit of assistance... then, before the troop could catch a moments breath, along comes Scorn the magma golem. Exclaiming to the clannie surprise at having to meet up with the golem again so very soon, she again launched into battle. afterwich, having oportunity to look on some of the corpses, they found coals and frozen gifts.

So it was a beaming Indy that met me at the villa, and in her arms, she held this sweet doll house! ahh.. now if we could just locate the holiday lights before the season is too quickly over!

Perhaps I should take a jaunt over the mountains to the snowman village this evening.

The portal Opens once more

Finally, the portal snapped back into some clarity and I was once more able to reach Dereth. Just in time for the Christmas season too! Snow lies thick all around the villa. It's so beautiful!

Someone has taken it upon themselves to install an icebox in the middle of the place.. head of the stairs, just off from my room, and I'm freeeezing!! After the first couple of minutes standing there shivering, I put on all the clothing and armor I possessed.. and I'm Still cold! Gotta get that icebox thingie OUT of the villa! It's frosting over the stairs! Whose big bright idea was it to put this thing in here anyway?!! *growl* when I get hold of whoever it was...

ANYway!
It IS good to be back.. although it somehow seems quieter then ever now.

Indy has picked up a penguin pet from somewhere. its perfectly adorible! I'm starting to think she's becoming obsessed though. If she starts trying to build a giant-sized "ship-o-critters" in the nearby lake, I'll consider shoving her through the next portal to Neopia. She'd prolly love it... likely she'd try to bring Pyxie back with her too.

Holiday blues and intros

The portal mess-ups continue, barring me from Dereth for quite a bit longer then I imagined. This is really sad for me, because I always seem to feel so... cut-off...bereft... when this happens. A bit, I think, like suddenly losing the use of one's thumbs might feel like.

I did get this rather nice letter from a friend of mine over in one of the many NWN server worlds. His name is Westlin...

Dear Sinshae,

Greetings to you from the sandy lands of NWN! It's been a bit since I have last written you, this is true. I have been searching for sometime now for another home where I would not forever feel like My poor lil gargoyley self is being hunted. Perhaps at last, I have found such a peaceful roost... and a couple of rather nice friends as well.
One of which is a vampire. her peculiar tastes in beverage notwithstanding, she has quite a busy personality, always up to something or off to somewhere exciting! but certainly quite pleasent company.
The other is called Kiku, a rather lovely gargie such as myself, I must say. Kiku is perhaps the only other such that I have ever seen in this land.
I have also made the aquaintence of a rather strange fellow called Meouh, who not only delights in trailing after me wherever I roam, but also to help guard my rather glosy-black self and carry whatever packs I give into keeping without a single complaint.
The wonders never seem to end!

Perhaps you might someday come to visit me here. I would be pleased to introduce you to some of the people and places in the area.

Wups, Meouh is gotten himself into a bit of a fix with several disagreable Stingers and needs my attention. More at a later time.

Care and Caring,
"West"

Thanksgiving..

Don't you just wish life were a bit like a game at times? so you could save your spot and if things don't work out right, you can simply return to that spot and start again? I sure do.

Portals to Dereth are not working again. Probibly due to the chaotic weather that is going on in my area. It certainly does make for some interresting times. Kind of keebashes my plans to meet up with an old friend in Sho town within the 14 day limit. I was so hoping to help get him aquainted with the lay of things too. Sure hope these portals get back to stability before the new month. It would be horrible to miss the best season ever. I love the fun to be had at the villa after first snowfall. Everyone breaks out the parkas and mits and has a snowman-making party in the yard.

I have been spending idle moments with a small furry friend called Pyxie, over at Neopets. He certainly leads an interresting life, full of games and exploring. Its like a much cuter version of Dereth! :)

Hope you all are having a fun yet cozy holiday season this year.

A Very Magical Mistake

I'm afraid to say, I recieved a Derethan title for which I am rather ashamed. you see, there was this rather decayed fellow in town, begging for certain items.. I was warned by my Patron, that this creature would turn on us... and yet, I desided to help it out a little... giving it one of my precious oils.

Then, just as predicted, it turned with a grin and attacked us. I fled, trying to figure out just what was going on, I had naught but the most basic of protective spells on me and was not ready for an invasion of undead. I was pursued by several of the summoned undead, so I quickly jumped up onto something so I would be out of reach. looking over to the roadside, I saw this nasty creature which had asked for help moments before, casting some horrible spells at the quickly essembled warriors of Dereth, and couldn't keep myself for doing what I could to help. my spells landed with resounding thumps likely surprising me more then anyone.. or thing, else. This lasted several long moments, my delight in the successful spells obvious.. untill it turned to me with a snarl. I knew I was in trouble then... I saw the oncoming fireball fill my vision with red.. and then the swirl of the lifestone portal. There I stood.. still sizzling from the event, beside the gently turning blue stone.

So I called Indy in from where she had been hunting in the valley of death. Along with several of the brave warriors, including our own handsome guild member, Baldar, and two trips to the lifestone later, Indy helped to rid the town of the undead at last.

When I returned to regather my items a bit later, it was as if nothing had ever happened. birds twittered, butterflies floated on the slight breeze.. a silence broken only by the occational crackle of the statue fireworks, which were going off in a birthday celebration.

Afterwards, Indy finally managed to locate a "sezz gem" which she has been hunting for now, for weeks. She claims it will help her gain access to a newly descovered island.

I am happy for her, .. truely.. its just... I still feel a bit of shame of my blindly trusting nature... The loss of my oil.. and vitae to make up for all my eforts.. is all it brought me.

In rememberence.. for the future

There once was this fellow... I never really got to meet him, although I often heard his voice in my life's walk. He has now left us, yet his messages still stand ever as true today as they ever were.

Here is the evening's inspiration for you. Listen to what he has to say. Can you feel it also?
Link
--'-,@

Portal Patched and Welcome Homecoming

I finally got back to Dereth a day or so ago. People are still working on the better portal connection thing.. but at least I was able to make it back in one whole piece.

The first thing I noticed was all the scratched up walls and such in the villa. It rather looked like a clawed tornado had gone about attempting to scour the walls.

Then Indy walked in, followed by the sweetest little bear-cat I think I have ever seen. It rompt about the room while she caught me up on many of the happenings gone on since my leave-taking, including the very nasty presence of shadow forms near the town of Arwic. I am told that the portal to tou-tou is just about blocked off by something red and black with 4 arms... something that nearly killed her when she got near the portal. Nearly killed Indy? Just for getting close to a portal that for a long time now, has been an easy route to tou-tou? I think, at one point or another all of us have used that portal. including several loaded down members of the household! And hear I thought that many-armed flying ugly Grael had finally been taken down...and apart! If so, what are those critters still doing at the tou-tou portal in Arwic?

Making a mental note to avoid that whole area, I went off to figure out where Indy got the pet. After running about for about a half-hour on errands of message dilivery, I finally got my own little pet. a mushroom like critter who, if nothing else, is quite good at keeping up with me. (somehow I think Indy and I should have traded, since she is soooo much faster a runner then I am.)

I then ran into a sweet somewhat smaller version of a friend of mine thought to have left for parts unknown some time ago. Seeing my cute swiftly moving pet, it was decided lil H. might also like one sooo, Off we went on the errend once more. (I'm starting to think I need to open a delivery service.) and a new bear-kitty was soon to be had.

Just the same. It's good to be back in Dereth again.

Sudden Memory Clips 2

I remember... my dad.

He had his 'very cool' moments, my dad did. I remember him tackling the waving grass in the field across from our home... a task that took him days to complete,... simply so that the neighborhood children had a place to play ball.

The 'family project' every year, where we would go across the way to an older lady's house to stomp out the high thick grass/weeds there with mighty golf swings of our hand threshers... and the bitter grumbling from my brother, who had things he would much rather be doing.

Camping out at the lake... ah the beauty and fresh smell of an evergreen canopy coupled with the timelessness of the lake.. wavelets gently lapping the muddy shoreline and me, watching from where I sat on the shore, near the warmest bit of shallow water I could find, my toes curling into the soft mud under it all.

Taking me with him to work for a drowsey yet exilerating evening of working the plow and sander on the icy roads. The snow falling from the night heavens always seemed to facinate me, so much so that I invaribly got a crick in my neck from trying to watch as it settled on my cheeks and eyelashes. Once, he stood and watched it fall with me.. for a time. The silence of the moment seemed.. comfortable, I think.

What a bear he would become if he was desturbed while at work and how, if truely angered, you -seriously- didn't wish to be the one for whom his wrath was dirrected... often in the form of Roaring! and a doubled belt or stinging willow switch from the tree around back.

The night, one of the brood of our evil nasty neighbors, the 'paw-can's', threw a mushy apple through his window screen, thinking it was one of us kids... and dad's quick march through the living room, trying his robe belt with a jerk and snatching up a switch before heading out the door into the dark... and hearing just when the kid was caught, about 2 blocks away, by his agonizing howl of dismay and sudden pain.

His 'spring-chicken' exuberance, the bounce in his step and laughter in his eyes, his 'fainting fists' as if he were going punch you in the side, which we always took for a 'tickle' gesture... since it was, coming from him. and we would flinch away and laugh... everytime.

The many times he recited the cow-jumping-over-the-moon poem, which, for some reason, always got me to laughing myself silly. Maybe it was more his delight in having gotten me to laugh then the poem itself, that had the tears of laughter spilling down my cheeks. Delight was most certainly his best look.

New Years evening, when we would all gather snowsuits, boots, hats and blankets, and bundle into the sleigh for a dash across the midnight landscape to awaken our neighbors with whoops and squeals of joy in which to bring in the new year. then a final gathering at my Uncle Phil's house to help anounce the arrival with clapping, yelling, and great snow-dancing blasts followed by a sombering starwatch before heading back home... which I never seemed to stay awake for... and my dad would carry me, blanket, hat, boots and all, to bed.

The desperate saddness/stillness/stiffness that would overcome him at odd times after mom died. Missing her and knowing he still had to carry on for us... because we needed him, even though there were times, one or the other of us would deny it. He would sometimes say, he hoped to 'go home' someday to be with her again.
....He finally did too. I think, perhaps, with some of that childlike exuberence that brought him and mom together in the first place. I believe in the end result, he was truely delighted to finally be on his way. I am happy he finally got to see mom again after all this time... but there are times.. I really do miss him... its a melencoly thing, really. I'm glad I had the chance to know the man a little. He had this way about him... and some 'very cool' moments, which always seemed to pale the bad times into practical non-existance for me. He was a gruff back-woods stubbren old man whose good times, I think, were well worth whatever bad times we had.


----
And as a footnote to the evening.. a personal note to the big bearded fellow who, one time in history, tossed me out through a door and locked it, growling that I had no idea... like something out of an old Nancy Drew novel.
I know this, mystery brute, the past as we know it, is still ours. My grandpapa knew it too, thats why I wanted to look. You.. what you did... more supported his words, in my mind, then not. What was it, I wonder that you sought so hard to cover up? Was it more then the words in a dusty old book? More then my family's tight-lipped silence, perhaps? Is the skeleton truely dead and buried yet? I think not. I think my Grandpapa knew the truth of it.. and my dad did too. Even you seemed to know more then you were willing to share. Mystery, I'm afraid, fuels curiousity in me. Are you still somehow watching, I wonder. lol! Well, I certainly hope you didn't think I just... forgot about the incident. That would have been very clueless of you.
Perhaps I will share more of this at a later time. Watch this space, friend. One never knows... does one. :) Besides, it might be nice to hear from you again, when next I manage to ping a nerve, eh? Otherwise I might truely have 'no idea....'

God Bless America... America Bless God

The big event in Icewind Dale was something of a bust as we couldn't seem to get past the magical ice door no matter our eforts of killing nearly everything that moved within the temple, (and even a few things that didn't) and searching every nook and cranny over the length of several floors. So I was allowed to return to town and see if my transport back to Dereth had shown. It had not. It seems somewhere.. somehow, someone forgot to import the code needed to cause the needed pole to go active, so now there's another wait for someone to finally take the initive to activate the pole so I can return back to Dereth's shores.

On the other hand, I did manage to get a short message from Kita. she said something about a 'pet kitty' ravaging her room while she was away to town. Sounds like I'm going to need to purchase a sturdy lock for my own door! Maybe a few thick pieces of wood for a brace as well, if it's the 'kitty' type I'm thinking of... They grow rather large in Dereth.

In other news, I hear a fellow, rather famous for tangling with toothy crocs, had died of recient. Truely I am sorry to hear this. He was something of a marvel with how he delt with some of the more ferocious critters out there.. not with power-over-another attitude many seem to have in great abundance, but rather, with great respect for not only what the critters could do, but seemlingly, for what and who they were. Although, certainly, he didn't leave this realm within the jaws of the repiles he was famous for, at least he died doing what he loved and lived for.

And since I'm on the subject... This is also the aniversery of a horrible event I would hope would not be forgot anytime soon as it might serve as a reminder that our lives within the realm of the real world and especially here in America, is precious indeed. This country was brought together by admirable men and women with a solid belief in a Godly nation with freedom for its people. We can vote for changes, We have the rights and freedom to speak, publish, and assemble. ++
We, as well, have a basic right to exist.. Thousands of lives were lost in the span of a single crushing day, not in an accident or in a known 'war' where we knew the risks, but by the vile and low tactics of a hidden terrorist group across the sea. After the dust settled, and the silence rang on for a time, stun turned to outrage.. and outrage turned to reaction. No longer could we stand by and watch as our own people, our very lives, as well as everything we, as a country, stand for, be rolled over and crushed like that. Several song quotes says it well for me....

"From the sound up in Long Island out to San Francisco Bay And ev'ry thing that's in between them is our home. And we may have done a little bit of fighting amongst ourselves, But you outside people best leave us alone, Cause we'll all stick together and you can take that to the bank That's the cowboys and the hippies and the rebels and the yanks. You just go and lay your hand on a Pittsburgh Steeler fan, And I think you're gonna finally understand" -Charlie Daniels

"I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free, And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me, And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today,'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land, God Bless the U.S.A." -Lee Greenwood

"My country, 'tis of Thee, Sweet Land of Liberty Of thee I sing;
Land where my fathers died, Land of the pilgrims' pride, From every mountain side Let Freedom ring." -Traditional

"O beautiful for spacious skies, For amber waves of grain, For purple mountain majesties Above the fruited plain. America! America! God shed His grace on thee, And crown thy good with brotherhood From sea to shining sea." -Traditional

"God Bless America. Land that I love Stand beside her, and guide her Thru the night with a light from above. From the mountains, to the prairies , To the oceans, white with foam. God bless America My home sweet home." -Irving Berlin


++ quick reference: 1st amendment
www.usconstitution.net/constquick.html

Its the ol Back n Forth

Today we spent meandering about and heading back to the store, then back out.. and back to the store again, in what felt for sure was an unceasing cycle. It got so I couldn't figure which one is was they I couldn't stand to see next, the snow or the store. ugh! yeesh those frozen templites sure carried a lot of junk on them!
I'm kinda missing the folks back in Dereth. I have heard they are having issues with a giant black spider thing.. I certainly don't miss that! but I have heard there are a few more people stepping through the portals now, .. something about points of interrest, and.. oh! a new island has been descovered as well! I mean another new island of course. a bit less dangerous perhaps then the first two 'new' islands to have been descovered within the last year. ahh well, perhaps I might just be headed home toward the end of the month or somesuch. keeping fingers crossed, as the saying goes. :)